Lying Out Loud(61)

“Ecstatic,” I said, waving the Clueless DVD. “This proves to me that you are, indeed, human. And if we’re being honest, it makes me like you so much more.”

“Really?”

“Really.” I walked over to where he sat on the bed and kissed him. He smiled against my lips, then tugged on my hand, pulling me closer, but I took a step back. “Oh, no,” I said, holding the DVD up again. “Now I actually want to watch this.”

And, at least for the moment, the subject of Amy was dropped.

But it didn’t stay that way for long.

*

Everything fell apart on Valentine’s Day.

Ryder hadn’t dropped the whole apology thing. No matter how many times I assured him that Amy was cool with us dating, he kept bringing it up. I could have killed his mother for planting the seed in his head and making him think he was anything like his dad.

Keeping them away from each other was becoming increasingly difficult. I felt like a character in a sitcom, constantly juggling the two and keeping my stories straight.

So when I saw him walking toward us in the hallway at school, I knew shit was about to hit the fan — a metaphor that never failed to gross me out a little.

“We should go ice skating this weekend,” Amy said as we walked to lunch. “The rink in Oak Hill will close soon, and we haven’t gone all winter.”

“That sounds fun,” I said. “But I think I already have plans with Ryder. Valentine’s Day weekend and all.”

“Valentine’s Day is a day, not a weekend.”

“It can be a weekend if you do it right,” I said, grinning.

“Oh.” Amy looked down at her feet. “Yeah. I should’ve guessed you’d be busy.”

I was about to suggest we watch a movie or something Sunday night instead, when Ryder walked up.

“Ryder,” I said, forcing a smile. “What are you doing here?”

“I go to school here?”

“Right. I just mean you’re usually not in this hallway.” I cleared my throat. “Anyway, we’re just heading to lunch, so —”

“This will only take a second,” he said, kissing me on the cheek. There was a good chance that was the last kiss I’d ever get from him. “I just need to talk to Amy.”

“Me?” she asked, surprised.

“You really don’t,” I said, shaking my head. “Everything’s fine. Hey, let’s go get some bad cafeteria lasagna.”

“Amy,” Ryder said, completely ignoring me. “I know these past few months have been strange, but I wanted to apologize and make sure there were no hard feelings about me seeing Sonny.”

She frowned. “Of course there aren’t. Why would there be?”

“See?” I said, trying to shove Ryder down the hall. “She’s fine. Let’s go.”

He didn’t budge. Instead, he scoffed. “I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by that reaction. It’s fairly in keeping with the way you’ve been treating me.”

“Excuse me?”

I wanted to hide. To run and lock myself in a bathroom stall. Or, better yet, to vanish completely. Because the cracks were beginning to show, and the lies I’d built between Amy and Ryder were about to come crashing down on top of me.

“Just that, despite a connection that seemed very real online, you’ve always acted as if nothing happened between us. So it’s not exactly surprising that you’d continue the trend now, even though I’ve started dating your best friend. Something that would bother most people.”

Amy gawked at him. “Wh-What?” She froze, and then, slowly, she turned to look at me. I shrank beneath her gaze, and the words she spoke next were so quiet, so cold, that they made me shiver. “You didn’t tell him?”

“Tell me what?” Ryder asked.

They were both looking at me now, waiting for me to answer.

I was an excellent liar. But I had no lie for this. Nothing I could think to say or do that would fix it. Nothing that would let me keep them both.

Amy’s eyes flashed, and I saw the fury there that I’d only seen once before, and I shrank away from her, flinching as if she’d struck me.

“Fine,” she said, voice still low. “If you won’t tell him, I will.” She turned to face Ryder. “I never talked to you online, Ryder. I never instant messaged or texted you or any of that. It was all Sonny.”

Ryder took a stumbling step backward. Like he’d just been shoved. “What? Sonny, is that … is that true?”

“I … um …” I swallowed. “Sort of.”

Horror bloomed across his face and suddenly there was so much hurt in his eyes. “You were catfishing me?” he asked. I felt myself shrink away from him as the shame swelled inside of me. “Was it some sort of joke? Were you screwing with me?”

“No!” I cried. “Of course not.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he demanded. “How could you let me think … Jesus Christ. This is so f*cked up.”

“Ryder, please, just let me explain.”

“Explain what? That you pretended to be someone else? And lied to me? We’ve been dating for over a month and … were you just not going to tell me?”