Lies I Told(41)

I looked over at her. “Your mom?”

“It’s silly, especially since we know she’s living a new life somewhere.”

“Yeah, but for a while, you thought she disappeared here,” I said.

“I hardly remember what it was like to have her around,” she admitted. “I think I just miss the idea of her, you know?”

I nodded. It was exactly how the concept of normal was for me: a vague notion, an almost memory of the way things were supposed to be.

She stopped walking and turned to me. “Anyway, I want to give you something.” She held out her hand. Two silver bracelets sat in her palm, each with half an interconnecting heart dangling from the chain. “She bought these when I was fourteen. One for her and one for me. She . . .” Selena took a deep, shaky breath. “She sent hers back with her letter.”

I looked down at the bracelets, trying to think of something to say that would ease Selena’s pain. My mom and I might not be biologically related, but she would never, ever do to me what Selena’s mother had done to her.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “You deserve so much better. But I . . . I can’t accept it. It’s too much.”

“I hope you will. Because for a long time, I felt alone, and now . . . well, not so much. Because of you.” She smiled. “And I kind of miss wearing mine.” She slipped one of the bracelets onto her wrist and held the other one out to me. “Think of it as a friendship bracelet.”

I took it from her hand, torn between gratitude and guilt. “Thank you.”

I didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve such an important symbol of Selena’s friendship. But not taking it would hurt her, and that was something I wasn’t willing to do. Plus, I wanted it. Wanted the tangible reminder that I was connected to something—to someone—real.

We put the bracelets on, holding our wrists out to admire them. She grabbed my arm as we headed back to the cliffs. By the time we got there, it was almost entirely dark.

“I don’t know about you,” Selena said as we huffed our way up the trail toward the parking lot, “but I feel like I’ve earned some cheese fries.”

I laughed. “Totally.”





Thirty-One


Mike’s was packed, and we stood at the front, scanning the crowd for an open table. It was the first time I’d been there, but it could have been any burger joint in any city in the country, complete with pleather booths, scuffed linoleum floor, and an old Space Invaders game against the wall.

Selena pointed to a couple of tables at the back. “Everyone’s here.”


I followed her gaze. Logan was taking a drink from his soda glass while Liam laughed next to him. Raj and Olivia scribbled on the back of one of the paper menus, and Rachel was deep in conversation with Harper and David. They looked completely at ease, like it was a scene they’d played out a hundred times before. It made me feel my apartness all over again. I was just a guest star, a walk-on in the television show of their lives. They got to really live it.

Logan glanced around the room and caught my eye. A grin lit up his face, and he immediately stood and headed toward me.

“Hey, you!” He leaned in and kissed me on the lips, right in front of everyone. “Your face is cold.” He rubbed my shoulders. “Did you get my text?”

I shook my head, pulling my phone from my bag. “When did you send it?”

“About a half hour ago,” he said. “I wanted to see if you were up for hanging with us tonight.”

I looked at my phone, seeing the unread text. “We were at the beach. I don’t think I get a signal down there.”

He put his arm around me. The smell of his cologne, light and a little spicy, caused something to stir in my stomach. Something warm and familiar but exciting, too.

“You’re here now,” he said. “Come on. We’ll make room.” He led us back to the table, making small talk with Selena as we went. I liked that about him: the way he never left anyone out. The way he seemed to like everyone.

“Hey, hey! The gang’s all here!” David said when he spotted us. He grabbed a chair and pulled it next to him, gesturing to Selena that she should take it.

She smiled shyly and sat down. “Thanks.”

Everyone shuffled a little, and Raj moved to the other side of Logan so that I could take his seat.

“You look a little windblown,” Rachel said. “What have you two been up to?”

“We went for a walk at the Cove.”

She nodded, the lift of her eyebrows making it seem like there was something shady about taking a walk on the beach.

“Where’s Parker?”

It occurred to me that it wasn’t the first time she’d asked me the question. In fact, it seemed she was always asking, always noticing that Parker wasn’t around. I was surprised she still cared after the way he’d blown her off. Then again, I didn’t know everything Parker did. Maybe he hadn’t blown her off after all.

“I have no idea,” I said. “He doesn’t exactly keep me up to date on his schedule.”

She nodded and went back to her conversation with Harper, but I was unsettled. Not by her question. I was used to those by now. But part of me had assumed Parker was with Logan and the guys, especially since he’d left the Saab parked in front of the house on Camino Jardin. If he wasn’t here, and he wasn’t at home . . . where was he?