Last Night at the Telegraph Club(105)

Aunt Judy smiled at her gently, and Lily knew it sounded ridiculous, as if she’d had a schoolgirl crush on Kath. The thought that her parents and Aunt Judy would think that very same thing was mortifying. She didn’t want them to think of her as someone who had feelings like that for anyone, girl or boy, but at the same time, characterizing her relationship with Kath as a crush was completely inadequate. It had been so much more. She wished she had realized it sooner.

“Girls don’t fly planes,” her mother snapped. “What did she do to make you go to that nightclub?”

Lily rubbed her hot forehead with her cold fingers, trying to ease the pressure that was building inside her. Every sentence she spoke was a choice. She had an infinite number of chances to turn back, but she refused to turn her back on Kath.

“I wanted to go,” Lily said finally. Her voice was remarkably steady. “She didn’t take me. I asked.”

The kitchen was silent but for the ticking of the clock. Her father was staring at the cigarette burning between his fingers. Aunt Judy was gazing at her with that same worried expression.

Her mother began to shake her head, as if she could shake off Lily’s words. “No. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Yes I do.”

“No you don’t! And this just proves that you can’t go back to Galileo. You can’t go anywhere near that girl. I was afraid of this. Lily, if you’d only admit that you’ve made a mistake, we could help you get over this. We won’t let you throw your life away like this.”

“There are studies,” her father said. “You’re too young for this. This is a phase.”

“There, you hear your father. It’s going to pass. It may not seem that way now, but when you’re older you’ll understand. Lily, look at me. We looked the other way when you went to that Man Ts’ing picnic. We know you didn’t mean anything by it, but this—this can’t be excused. You’re already on the record as sympathizing with the Man Ts’ing. If word gets out that you’ve been voluntarily in the company of homosexuals—”

Her mother looked anguished. Her arms were barricaded across her stomach as she leaned forward to make her point, deep lines grooved in her forehead. “Your father still doesn’t have his papers back. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

With a twist in her gut, Lily did understand. Being linked to the Man Ts’ing was bad, but if she never had anything to do with them again, it could be overlooked. Adding in the corrupting influence of homosexuals made it exponentially worse, and not only for her, but also potentially for her father. Her behavior could further endanger him with the immigration authorities because it reflected poorly on him. She looked at him. He inhaled so deeply on his cigarette that a good inch of the paper burned away at once, and dark shadows pulled at the skin beneath his eyes. He still wouldn’t look at her.

“Tell us you’ll accept that you’ve made a mistake and we’ll help you,” her mother said.

Her mother was practically begging her to lie, and the temptation to give in was strong. It would be so much easier, and she didn’t want to endanger her father. But something stubborn in her balked at what her mother was asking for.

She loved Kath.

It was crystal clear to her now, and it was exhilarating and illuminating and it turned everything upside down, because there was no way to resolve her love for Kath with the demands her mother was making. If she lied, she would betray Kath, and she refused to do that. But even if she could live with lying, would it make any difference in her father’s situation? If he hadn’t gotten his papers back, it was probably because he refused to lie about Calvin, not because Wallace Lai had seen her leaving the Telegraph Club. And if her father wouldn’t lie, why should she?

Lily took a deep breath. “I didn’t make a mistake. You can ask me as many times as you want, but I’m not going to lie.” The more she spoke, the bolder she felt.

Her mother abruptly stood up, shoving her chair back with a screech. Lily recoiled.

“You ran away!” her mother cried. “You left this house and didn’t tell anyone where you were going. Anything could have happened to you!”

Lily’s father reached out to put a steadying hand on her mother’s arm. She seemed about to say something utterly furious—her face was turning a blotchy red—but then, as if it took all her effort to restrain herself, she threw off her husband’s hand and stalked out of the kitchen. Lily heard her mother’s footsteps receding quickly down the hallway, and then a door slammed shut.

Shocked, Lily turned to her father. He seemed as stunned as she was, and finally their eyes met. He winced, and bent forward to stub out his cigarette. There was a long moment of uncomfortable silence. Lily glanced at Aunt Judy, who was watching her brother worriedly, but remained quiet.

Finally, Lily’s father scrubbed a hand over his face and said, “There’s no other choice, then. You’ll go with your aunt to Pasadena to finish the school year.”

Lily stared at her father uncomprehendingly. “What?”

“Your aunt and uncle have offered to take you away from here while—while things settle down,” her father said. “They’re making a big sacrifice to help you. They’ve even offered to take you down to Pasadena right away—tomorrow. There’s no reason to wait. Today you should pack your things, and tomorrow you’ll take the train to Pasadena. Judy thinks you’ll be able to enroll in the high school there. Isn’t that right?”