Last Night at the Telegraph Club(104)
She tried to think back, to remember what was real. The shy look on Kath’s face as she gave her that issue of Collier’s on top of Russian Hill. The tentative softness of Kath’s lips, the first time they kissed. The heat of Kath’s breath on her neck as Lily held her in the corner of Miss Weiland’s classroom. Lily had never felt closer to anyone in her life.
It hurt to remember these things because they reminded her of Kath and her fears of what might have happened to her. But the hurt felt real—much more real than the entire afternoon of staying silent. So she lay on the hard wooden floor between her brothers’ beds and let that ache fill her.
47
Lily woke before dawn. The room was dark, and she heard her brothers breathing on either side of her, their lungs rising and falling almost in unison. When they had come back the night before, they had stood over her—she had heard them but pretended to be asleep—and whispered, Is she all right? Why was Mama so angry at her? Did she do something wrong? Shh, don’t wake her. And then Eddie tucked the blanket up beneath her chin and brushed his hand over her forehead as if he were their father checking her temperature. His touch had brought tears to her eyes, and they slid silently down her temples while he and Frankie climbed into their beds, their sheets rustling as they settled down for the night.
She didn’t want to wake them, but she remembered that the flat now contained an additional five people, and she didn’t want to be last in line for the bathroom. She got up as quietly as she could and snuck out of the room.
She could almost pretend it was a normal day. She washed up quickly and got dressed. In the kitchen, her mother was already brewing coffee and making porridge from the leftover rice.
“Will you set out the dishes?” her mother asked.
Lily went to the cabinet, wondering if their conversations would only be transactional from now on. She felt dull inside, like a tarnished silver bowl.
She heard little Minnie chirping from the other end of the flat as everyone else began to wake up, and soon the kitchen was crowded. It was Monday, but because it was New Year week and family was visiting, Lily’s parents were taking a couple of days off from work. Eddie and Frankie still had to go to school, of course, and Lily—Lily stopped short, about to butter a piece of toast, alarmed by the thought of having to go to school. With Shirley. With everyone who must already know about her and Kath.
Thankfully, there was breakfast to distract her. Eddie and Frankie tried to argue their way out of school, but failed. Minnie and Jack tried to swallow their glee at not having to go to school themselves, but also failed. After A P’oh woke up, Lily was charged with taking her a tray of porridge and tea. When she returned to the landing to pick up her book bag, her mother appeared as if she had been waiting for her and said, “You’re not going to school today.”
Lily’s relief was cut short by instant wariness. “Why not?”
Her father came out of the kitchen holding his coffee cup. “We need to talk.”
It didn’t happen right away. First, Eddie and Frankie had to be taken to school. Everyone had to finish their breakfast. Uncle Sam and Aunt May decided to take Minnie and Jack to the Chinese playground for the morning. A P’oh declared her intention to go to the Tin How Temple. Aunt Judy arrived just as they were all leaving; she said that Uncle Francis had gone to meet a friend for breakfast. Lily was sure this had all been carefully planned.
At last, the four of them—Lily, her parents, and Aunt Judy—took their seats at the kitchen table. Her mother hadn’t put on makeup, and her face seemed colorless in the overhead light, her lips pressed together thinly. Her father looked more tired than usual, and he was smoking cigarettes one after another, rather than his pipe. Aunt Judy’s eyebrows were drawn together in a permanent expression of worry as she glanced around the table.
“You won’t be going back to school,” her mother said. “I won’t have you anywhere near that girl.”
Lily pretended to misunderstand. “What girl? You mean Shirley?”
Her mother’s nostrils flared. “You know who I mean. I talked to Shirley yesterday—”
“You—what?”
“Shirley told me everything. About how that girl Kathleen Miller went after you. How she is a homosexual and took you to that place. Shirley told me she tried to get you to stop being friends with her, but you refused.”
“That’s not what happened! Shirley’s lying.”
“If that’s not what happened, tell me what did. Don’t lie to me!”
“Grace,” Lily’s father said. “Give her a chance. Is anything that Shirley said true?”
He seemed to have trouble looking at her. His reluctance to meet her eyes made her feel worst of all.
“Shirley doesn’t like me to be friends with other people.” There, she’d said it: the thing she’d been thinking practically her entire life.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” her mother said.
“It’s true. We all know it’s true. She didn’t like it when I became friends with Kath.”
“Then you do know that girl,” her mother said.
“Yes, I know her, but she didn’t—she didn’t do whatever awful thing Shirley said. She didn’t go after me. We—we’ve been in the same math classes for years.” Lily looked at her aunt pleadingly. “I told her about your job, and she was interested. She wants to fly planes. She’s so smart. She’s the one who gave me that magazine I told you about.”