Lady Smoke (Ash Princess Trilogy #2)(90)

“We can’t do this during daylight hours?” he asks when he sees me. “You can’t tell me you aren’t exhausted—at least I got some sleep last night. You didn’t get any.”

It isn’t until he says it that I realize he’s right. With everything that has happened in the last two days, sleep has been the farthest thing from my mind.

“I’m fine,” I tell him. “I can sleep late tomorrow. King Etristo gave me leave to visit S?ren whenever I like, since he’s still my advisor, but I worry that if I do it when the King is awake, he’ll find some way to stop me.”

Erik laughs. “I’d like to see him try,” he says before pausing. “You aren’t like you were in Astrea—you don’t let anyone tell you what to do here, not even your friends.”

I shrug and start toward the riser. He quickly falls into step next to me. “I always take their thoughts into consideration,” I say. “But when it comes to S?ren, their opinions are always biased. They tolerate him and I think maybe they even like him on some level, but at the end of the day, he’s a Kalovaxian. They don’t trust him.”

“Why do you?” Erik asks.

It’s a question I’ve asked myself countless times without ever being able to find a full answer. This time is no different, but I try.

“S?ren loves me. Or he thinks he does, at least. Maybe he’s still confusing me with Thora, but that doesn’t matter, because his intentions are fueled by that feeling,” I explain. “Don’t misunderstand me—his hatred of his father is real, his guilt over the berserkers is real, his convictions are real.” I think it over for a moment. “But I also know where he stands. I know what he wants, and I know what he wants from me in particular. Because of that, I trust him more than King Etristo or any of the suitors. I trust him even more than I trust Dragonsbane.”

Erik considers this for a moment. “More than you trust me?” he asks.

I glance sideways at him. “Yes,” I admit. “I trust your intentions, Erik. But I still don’t know what you’re hoping to accomplish by being here, and until I do you’re still an enigma.”

“I rather like being an enigma,” he says with a grin, making me laugh.

We ring the bell for the riser and Erik slumps against another wall to wait, even though it’ll only be a moment. He looks like he wants to ask me a question, but doesn’t know how. It’s a show of uncertainty I’m not used to seeing from Erik, who usually masks his doubts with layers of false bravado.

“What is it?” I ask him.

He shakes his head, looking down at the ground. “Nothing.”

“Well, now you’ve piqued my interest even more. Come on, I’m not going to bite you.”

He hesitates a moment longer, and when he looks back up at me, his whole face is pink. “Do you know…does Heron like…is he interested in other boys?”

I don’t know what I expected him to ask me, but the question is so entirely out of the blue that all I can do is laugh, though I’m not sure why I am. After all, Heron is interested in boys—at the very least, he was interested in a boy, and the way he looked at Erik before makes me think it wasn’t a singular case.

Erik’s face turns an even deeper shade of pink. “I was only wondering. Some boys do, you know, just like some girls like other girls.”

“I know that,” I say, managing to get a hold of myself. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you about that. You just surprised me is all. Do you like other boys?”

He shrugs. “Mostly I think I just like everyone.”

“I didn’t realize,” I say.

“I don’t exactly lead with it in conversation,” he says. “Some people think it makes me…unnatural.”

“Some people are fools,” I tell him before hesitating. “Does S?ren…” I trail off.

Erik nods. “I think he’s known about as long as I have. I didn’t even have to tell him.”

I sigh. “Since I doubt you want me telling strangers your personal business, I’m not telling you Heron’s. If you want to know, you can ask him yourself.”

Erik considers this for a moment. “Maybe I will,” he says.

I press my lips together, thinking of Heron and his broken heart. After everyone he’s loved and lost, I don’t know how he would survive another heartbreak.

“Just…be careful,” I tell him. “I like you, Erik, but if I have to choose between you and my Shadows, I will choose them every time.”

He stares at me. “Huh,” he says.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He pushes off the wall to stand just as the riser whirs into place. “I think I caught a glimpse of the real Theodosia underneath all those masks. And she’s a lot softer around the edges than I’d thought.”





THE SAME GUARD, TIZOLI, LETS us in the dungeon again, leaving us outside S?ren’s cell and promising to come back as soon as he’s called for. Luckily, this time S?ren is already awake, sitting against the back wall of the cell, looking like he’s expecting us. Though I know he won’t say a word of complaint, his time down here is wearing on him. Even in the dim torchlight, his skin looks sallow and I can make out dark circles under his eyes. He’s beginning to smell quite awful as well.