Lady Smoke (Ash Princess Trilogy #2)(127)

She doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “Does it hurt?” she asks finally.

I close my hand and the fire is extinguished. “Everything hurts,” I tell her. “I owe you my thanks. Without you, we would have lost many more lives.”

“It was a good battle,” she says. “What you did was admirable. Foolish, but admirable.”

I nod, knowing that from Dragonsbane, that is the highest praise I can expect.

Artemisia clears her throat. “I’m glad you came as well,” she says, her voice surprisingly small.

The sharpness in Dragonsbane’s expression softens slightly, but she can’t seem to form words. The energy in the room is fraught, delicate as a spider’s web, but when Dragonsbane and Artemisia lock eyes, a thousand silent words pass between them and I feel like an interloper.

Dragonsbane told me that I was lucky my mother hadn’t lived to disappoint me, but with a lump growing in my throat, I realize that also means I’ll never have a moment like this, to look my mother in the eyes and forgive her for her flawed humanity.



* * *



—

Erik comes to visit me after Artemisia and Dragonsbane leave. In his undershirt and trousers, with his hair down loose around his shoulders, he looks younger than he is. Someone told him about Hoa already, and I hope whoever it was did it kindly.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, though the words are pitifully lacking.

He sits down beside my cot and takes my hand in his. If he’s surprised at how hot my skin is, he doesn’t show it. I wonder if word is already spreading.

“The Kaiser will never do what he did to her to another woman.” His voice is cold steel. “He’ll never hurt anyone else. I wish she could have lived in this Kaiser-less world for just a day.”

“Me too,” I tell him before taking a deep breath. “I killed the woman who killed her. I can tell you it was self-defense and that I had no choice and those things are true, but it’s also true that I killed her for what she did to Hoa and I will never regret that.”

He considers this for a moment before nodding. “One day, I would hear about it in detail,” he says. “But I’ve seen too much death lately. Even that one won’t bring me any joy.”

I bite my lip. “Do you think S?ren’s dead?”

Erik’s eyes find mine again. “No,” he says after a moment. “He’s a traitor, and the Kalovaxians don’t show mercy to traitors, but in this case, I would imagine Crescentia is keeping him alive. Her position as Kaiserin is precarious—they’ve never had a female ruler, and they won’t be keen on the idea. She needs to marry him to keep the throne.”

The thought sickens me, but at least it will mean that they won’t kill him. Not yet. As glad as that makes me, I can’t help but think that death would be merciful compared to whatever hell he’s being put through now.

“We’ll get him back before that happens,” I tell Erik, as if it’s that simple.

Erik must know it isn’t, but he nods. “We’ll get him back,” he echoes, squeezing my hand.



* * *



—

The Kaiser’s body is already burnt, but we erect a pyre for him anyway. I stand beside it now, close enough to touch his charred skin. I’m barely strong enough to stand for more than a few moments, but I force myself to manage. I remember what I told Blaise what feels like a lifetime ago.

“When the Kaiser is dead, whenever that may be, I want to burn his body. I want to put the torch to him myself and I want to stay and watch until there is nothing left of him but ash.”

I believed that when the Kaiser was dead, it would bring me peace, but even as I stare at his dead body and his empty eyes, peace still feels miles away.

My mother was the Queen of Peace, I think as the men building the pyre finish and leave me alone with the body. But I am not that sort of Queen.

I turn away from the Kaiser to look at the crowd of refugees and freed Astreans who have gathered to watch him burn. It’s a good moment for another speech, perhaps, but they didn’t come here for speeches. Blaise approaches, torch in hand, eyes downcast. He hasn’t looked at me since I woke up, and I’m still not sure if I want him to or not.

I don’t take the torch. Instead, I turn toward the Kaiser and hold out my hand. Again, it takes some coaxing. For a moment, there is a hushed, anticipating silence before the small flame appears, licking at the palm of my hand. Feeble as it is, it’s enough to elicit gasps and murmurs from the crowd.

I touch the flame to the bed of straw beneath his body and watch the fire catch.

Behind me, the crowd’s gasps turn to cheers. Artemisia was right, they don’t hold this power against me—they believe it’s a new gift, given by Houzzah for my sacrifice.

Maybe it is, but it isn’t enough. I saw how Cress wielded her power. She didn’t have to dig for it; it was always there, as much a part of her as her skin and sinew and bones.

I barely hear the cheers. I keep my eyes on the Kaiser’s corpse and I don’t even let myself blink as the flame catches and licks at his already blackened body. It’s only then that I notice the faint glimmer of the red gem at his throat, covered by ash and soot but unmistakable. Ampelio’s Fire Gem pendant. I reach into the flames, take hold of the gem, and pull it free.