Instructions for Dancing(27)
“Falling to the sea,” I say, interrupting him again.
“Good, good,” he says, typing fast. He leans forward, eyes glittering. “Let’s keep going.”
“Okay, but we need actual paper instead of just your phone.”
I ask the waitress and she brings us over a few sheets and a pen. He writes down what we have so far and then keeps singing. “A black box, preserving history.”
I shake my head. “One last history, instead of preserving history.”
He writes it down.
Both of us are grinning now, trading the pen and paper back and forth. By the time we get to the end, the sheet is a mess of crossed-out words and arrows pointing every which way.
“Wish I had my acoustic,” he says, pulling the sheet closer. On the phone, he restarts the backing music track and sings the whole thing.
I close my eyes so I can really listen and not be distracted by his face. It’s strange but nice to hear his voice singing words we just wrote together. Somehow when he sings the words they gain more weight. It makes them feel more true. When he gets to the final three lines, my eyes fly open. His voice is so raw, so filled with wishing for something he can’t have back, that I have to see his face.
“You’re great,” he says. “At writing songs, I mean.” He rubs his hand over the back of his head.
“We wrote it together.”
“I’ve never written a song with another person before,” he says. “Not even Clay.” He shakes the sheet of paper at me. “Can I use these?”
“They’re already yours. You helped write them.”
“It was mostly you,” he says.
I shrug. “I’m really good at understanding heartbreak. It’s my superpower.”
CHAPTER 22
“Black Box,” Lyrics by Evie Thomas and Xavier Woods
[Verse 1]
Everything burns
Everything crashes
And our love just turns to ashes
You’re a black box, falling to the sea
A black box, one last history
[Chorus]
Open you up
Look inside
Already know
Just what I’ll find
Nothing survives
Nothing survives
Nothing survives
[Verse 2]
The you that I knew
Sinks down out of sight
I’m left with nothing
And yeah nothing is fucking all right
Black box, at the bottom of the sea
[Chorus]
Open you up
Look inside
Already know
Just what I’ll find
Nothing survives
Nothing survives
Nothing survives
[Bridge]
It’s all in my head
Just an illusion I said
And know that you’re gone
Everything is all so beautifully wrong
All wrong, all wrong, all wrong
[Chorus]
Open you up
Look inside
Already know
Just what I’ll find
Nothing survives
Nothing survives
Nothing survives
CHAPTER 23
Fabulous, Excellent and Copacetic
“Me,” Martin, Cassidy and Sophie >
Me: I invited X to our bonfire tonight
Martin: Okay
Cassidy: K
Sophie: Ok
Me: Huh
Me: You guys don’t have anything else to say?
Cassidy: Nope
Cassidy: Why?
Cassidy: U have sumthing else 2 say?
Me: Nope
Cassidy: Fabulous
Martin: Excellent
Sophie: Copacetic
Me: I don’t even like you people
CHAPTER 24
Not a Date, Part 3 of 3
DOCKWEILER STATE BEACH is one of my favorite places in the world. The beach itself is beautiful, with wide stretches of (mostly clean) sand and an always-churning dark-blue ocean that seems to fall off the end of the world. There’s a bicycle path and a picnic area and even showers. My favorite part, though, are the fire rings that line the beach. If you get here early enough, you can claim one and have a bonfire with your friends underneath a darkening sky while listening to the Pacific crash all around you. It might be the most perfect place on earth.
“Is that him?” Cassidy asks.
I look up from the fire pit to see X wobbling across the sand.
“It’s easier if you take off your shoes,” I yell to him.
He stops to take them off and then wobbles a slightly steadier wobble toward us.
“You’re X,” Cassidy says when he gets to us. “Evie’s friend.”
I don’t know if I’m imagining the small pause between “Evie’s” and “friend.”
“I’m Cassidy,” she says. “I’m the rich, wild, parentally neglected friend. I got you booze.” She picks up one of the five bottles of white wine she brought. Earlier when I told her we didn’t need that many, she said, “My parents won’t even notice they’re missing.”