Iniquitous (The Marked #3)(46)

“I’m bonded to Dominic.” I spit the words out like vomit.

Dead. Silence. And it stretched and pressed between us like a living breathing entity. Even the rain pattering against the window melted away as the pulse in my ears grew louder, pounding inside my head like the beginning of the end.

“Say that again.” His voice was so deep and brusque, I almost didn’t identify it as his. But it was his. He was pissed and angry and confused, and I didn’t blame him in the least.

I licked my lips, searching for moisture. The anxiety was back in full force, scratching and clawing its way through my airway, making it harder and harder for me to draw in air. “I can explain, okay? Just give me a minute to explain,” I pleaded, sounding like a criminal begging for leniency. A guilty criminal at that.

His Adam’s apple dipped as he folded his arms across his chest. “I’m listening.”

“When I found out what Engel was trying to do, I panicked. I had to do something to stop him. I couldn’t let him get the Amulet or it would’ve been over for me, and probably a lot worse.”

The lines on his face sharpened and his stare was even harder. He was arming himself, readying himself for the worst possible thing I could have ever told him.

“The only way to stop him from bonding with me was if I was bonded to someone else.” My mouth opened and then closed as I let that sink in for a moment. “So I asked Dominic to feed on me.”

His back straightened a little, and mine curled inwards.

“And he did, over and over again, multiple times a day. He did it until it was the only thing I had to look forward to in there. Until I was counting down the minutes until he would sneak back down to see me.”

His eyes closed as though my words had stabbed him right in the heart.

But I had to keep going. I couldn’t sugarcoat the truth or hide what had happened between us in those dungeons. If he was going to be with me—to really love me, then it needed to be the real thing. He had to accept all the parts of me, even the ugly parts. And if he couldn’t do that, then I needed to know it.

“I thought I could manage the connection. I thought I could keep everything separated, but it hit me so hard. Before I knew what was happening, I was dreaming about him all the time, begging him to keep feeding from me even…even when it wasn’t necessary.” I looked down at my feet, my cheeks burning with embarrassment, with shame. “And when we were alone, I…I asked him to kiss—”

“Stop. Stop.” His hands came out in front of him. “I’ve heard enough.”

I clamped my mouth shut and waited for his inevitable words. The words that would send my ass packing. He’d reached his breaking point and was about to come to his senses and throw me away with yesterday’s trash.

And I didn’t blame him in the slightest.





21. FALLING SANDCASTLES


The rain tapped against the windows like creatures trying to claw their way out from the underworld. Trace and I stood in the room in complete silence with nothing between us but my personal demons. The relief that came from finally telling him the truth never came to me, probably because all I got in return was the agonizing look of heartbreak splattered all over his face. The funny thing was, I knew it was coming. I’d imagined it dozens of times before in my mind, but witnessing it in the flesh was so much worse than anything I could have made up in my head.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, my words too tiny to have any real impact on him. I’d spoken my truth and now it was time to reap what I’d sowed. “I know it doesn’t fix any of this, but you need to know I never meant to hurt you.”

He didn’t answer. He wasn’t even looking at me. His arms hung by his sides and his beautiful eyes were veered down, concealed behind the kind of thick, sooty lashes that most girls would kill for.

“Everything I did, it was to stay alive…to find a way to come back to you.”

His gaze lifted to mine. The room titled around me as I tried to imagine what was running through his mind just then. He was probably cursing the awful day I walked into his life. And who could blame him? I was a walking catastrophe. Everything that came near me blew up into a million pieces only to be swept up by the wind.

“If you want me to go, I won’t blame you,” I said, folding my hands together. “I’ll never blame you.”

He shook his head, but he still wasn’t saying anything.

The static silence descended on us again like an old friend, winding around our bodies as it pushed to widen the space between us.

“Trace?” I took a small step towards him, but he put his hand out to stop me. The hurt in his eyes was so tangible I felt as though I were drowning in it. “Can you please say something?”

His chest rose sharply as he clenched and unclenched his jaw muscles. “How long?”

“How long what?”

His jaw tightened. “How long did he feed on you?”

I dropped my gaze. God, I couldn’t even look him in the eye when I answered, “Almost the entire time.”

“Tell me you didn’t drink from him, Jemma. At least tell me you didn’t do that.”

“I—” I desperately wanted to be able to tell him that, to give him some tiny glimmer of light amidst all the darkness I just shoveled at him. But I couldn’t even offer him that. “I’m sorry.”