If You're Out There(71)

“Yep,” says Priya. “I confronted her about it right around my birthday and she caved. Told me everything. I made her swear not to bring it up to anyone until I figured out where he was or . . . if he even wanted to know me. And then I just sort of . . . kept on keeping it to myself.” She holds my gaze. “Zan. It wasn’t . . . personal. I just needed to work it out on my own. I hope you’re not mad.”

“I’m not,” I say. The words come automatically, but it strikes me how much I mean them. “Priya. We can have our own lives sometimes. Really. We don’t have to . . . share every little piece of ourselves.”

“But I want to,” she says. “Usually. You’re my Zanita! My Mrs. Zantastic! And I’m finding I really hate secrets. But this one was just . . .” She shakes her head, like it still blows her mind.

“I get it,” I tell her. “Really.”

She eyes me warily. “When did you get so reasonable? And what parts of your life are you not telling me about? I’m suddenly feeling very jealous.”

I laugh. “There’s nothing . . . Well.” I glance toward Logan on the porch. “We have a little catching up to do.”

Julian smiles at us—I assume because we’re adorable—and Priya seems to relax a bit. “Well. I’m impressed your mom didn’t tell you, to be honest.”

“Yeah,” I say, thinking it over. “She kept hinting that she thought you were, like, I don’t know. Finding yourself. So that sort of makes more sense now.”

“I guess it comes with the job,” says Priya. “She’s good at keeping people’s secrets. My mom’s too.”

“Were you mad?”

She pauses a moment. “At first, yeah. But she was in a tough spot. I think she was afraid it would change how I saw things. Knowing my mom lied all those years. Alice was the only person who knew. Even Ben didn’t get the whole story. And she was right to worry. For a little while, I was mad at my mom.” The crack in Priya’s voice makes me want to cry. “And I hated that.”

She sniffs and shakes it off. “We found that Tasha had gone off the grid so I couldn’t go through her. But there was a ‘Class of’ year on Julian’s MIT sweatshirt. I used an old student directory to find him. It was weird at first, but we started talking on the phone. I was really excited when he got a job offer from U Chicago. We’d not only be able to meet, but actually get to know each other. Then moving threw a wrench in everything.” Julian shoots her a sad smile.

“He’s the one you were calling,” I say. She catches my eye, curious, and I shrug. “There were a couple times. Little moments when I knew you weren’t telling me something. Nick too.”

“Oh,” she says. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“How is Nick?”

“Misses you,” I say. “But don’t worry. He’ll take you back in a hot second. Just watch.”

She laughs, then frowns suddenly, turning to Julian. “Wait a minute. I don’t understand. How did you get here, exactly?”

“Oh,” he says, shrinking into himself a little. He’s definitely peculiar. But in a nice, nonstalkerish way, I realize now. “I worked it out that I could get to Chicago a few days early back in June. It was last minute, so I decided to surprise you. But then no one came to the door. I figured you’d already left.”

For a moment, Priya looks stricken. “You were the one who rang the doorbell that day. Ben must have thought you were part of that group after him.” She clenches her fists. “Ugh! You don’t even look Indian!” She forces a calm breath and turns to me. “That reminds me. I’m half Armenian. Isn’t that cool?”

“I mean, I’m from Jersey,” says Julian. “So don’t get too excited.”

Priya chuckles softly, then tilts her head. “So . . . How did you end up here?”

Julian sits up in his chair, scratching at his stubble. “It was . . . a feeling, I guess. When you didn’t come to the door or take my calls, I got worried. I almost asked you, Zan, that first day we met. Priya had told me so much about you, and I figured if anyone knew what was going on, it would be you. But when you said Ben and Priya were still living at the house, it sort of threw me off and I didn’t know what to say. Seeing you at the zoo felt like a sign, but then you bolted. I tried to catch up with you, but you kept running away.” He pauses. “In retrospect, I realize how creepy that probably was.”

“Definitely creepy,” I tell him. “But . . . it’s all good.” When he laughs, I see a little Priya in there. “Sorry I lied,” I say. “I didn’t want anyone to know I was snooping around.”

“No, no,” he says. “I’m glad you did. I was just confused enough to come back again today. I peeked in and rang the doorbell. The next thing I knew, Ben was staring at me through the window. Suddenly he’s running out from the side of the house way down the block to his car. It seemed awfully strange, so I followed. I tailed him for a few errands and started to wonder if I was being paranoid. But I was sort of committed at that point. I lost him at a light by the entrance to the neighborhood. Drove around for a while . . .” He shrugs. “And then I spotted the Prius.”