I Was Born for This(28)

I chuckle. ‘Yeah, sure. Lister’s just slowly making our neighbours hate us.’

‘This his idea tonight?’

‘Ha, yeah, you know what he’s like.’

Lister’s reputation for partying isn’t a well-kept secret.

We wander up the stairs, past groups of people chatting and drinking. I spot Rowan and Bliss sitting in a corner, talking and laughing. Rowan looks more relaxed now. Maybe they’ll be all right after all. I don’t know.

‘You just got back from your European tour, right?’ asks Magnet. The tenth or eleventh person who’s said those near-exact words this evening.

I tell him we have one more tour show to do on Thursday. We stop and stand in the upstairs corridor. The music is quieter up here, but my ears are still buzzing.

‘You’ve had an eventful few days, haven’t you?’

A door slams somewhere, making me jump.

‘Yeah, I guess …’

‘It’s not true, is it?’ asks Magnet, smiling. ‘You and Rowan.’

‘What? No …’ I go to take another swig from my drink, only to find I’m holding an empty glass.

Magnet laughs. ‘The shit the fans come up with, am I right?’

I almost want to laugh. As if this guy knows anything about having fans like ours.

‘Yeah.’

The track downstairs changes and everyone screams.

Magnet puts his hand on my arm. ‘If you need someone to talk to.’ He smiles, but it looks weird now, not as soft any more. ‘You can always call me up, yeah?’ He rubs my arm.

‘Er …’ The alcohol all seems to be hitting me at once. ‘Yeah.’

Magnet moves towards me slightly. ‘You need to have friends in this business, you know?’ He moves his hand up to my shoulder. ‘People you can trust.’

‘Mm.’

‘You can trust me, Jimmy.’

‘Mm.’

He puts his hand on my cheek. Why is he doing that?

‘You’re so hot in real life,’ he says under his breath, as if he didn’t think I’d hear.

I laugh, like he’s joking. The buzzing in my ears gets louder.

‘In real life,’ I say.

Then he leans in and presses his lips against mine.

Oh. Okay. Fine. This is fine. Can’t say I realised this conversation was going in this direction, but fine. The buzzing is so loud. Don’t know what I’m doing. It’s not like this is the first time this has happened with some random guy at some random party. I don’t know. Don’t remember. Don’t care. He’s got his hands on my face now. I don’t really feel anything for this guy. But maybe this is all I’ll ever get. Oh well. Who cares.

‘Oi, Jimmy.’

I stop kissing Magnet, turn round, and see Lister standing at the end of the corridor, leaning against the wall. He shakes his head at me. ‘Come on.’

I pretty much just start walking away from Magnet, without saying bye or anything, but he grabs me by the arm again and says quietly, ‘Hey, you wanna go somewhere with me?’

I look at him again. ‘Not really. Sorry.’

He pulls a little harder on my arm. ‘What, are you with Lister, then?’

I frown at him. ‘No. What the fuck?’

‘What’s fucking wrong with you?’ he asks me. Nastily. ‘Saving yourself for marriage?’

I don’t say anything.

‘What a joke,’ he says. ‘You were throwing yourself at me at the BRITs party.’

‘Jimmy, come on!’ Lister shouts from the other end of the corridor.

I try to focus on the knife inside my jacket. Remind myself who I am. Go home in my mind.

‘Am I not good enough for you? You Ark clones think you’re the fucking kings of the world, don’t you? But the only reason you have so many fans is because they all want you and Rowan to fuck each other.’

The swearword makes me wince.

He sneers at me. Where his face had looked soft before, he looks like a monster now. ‘Sometime soon something’s going to knock you down from your pedestal. And then you’ll come crawling back to the people who tried to be nice to you.’

I shake my head wildly and just walk away from him.

When I reach Lister, he gives me a little pat on the back and then shoots a look at Magnet, which is weird. Much more protective than usual.

He pulls me away and down the stairs, one arm round my shoulders.

‘Alcohol makes you a slut now?’ he asks. I know he’s joking, but the word still pisses me off.

‘Don’t,’ I say.

‘He wasn’t even attractive. We’ve met him, like, once.’

I shrug. ‘Oh well.’

Lister stops and looks at me. ‘Jimmy. Come on, mate. Since when did you have that attitude?’

‘I don’t know. I don’t know.’

I realise suddenly that Lister isn’t that drunk. If anything, I’m drunker than him, which never happens. Lister is the one who actually likes these parties, likes alcohol and spending money and hooking up with people. But something’s different tonight.

I’m too drunk to work out what.

‘You’re not like that,’ he continues. ‘You don’t just run around kissing anyone who appears in your immediate vision.’