Gates of Thread and Stone(80)

All the words I wanted to say scattered. I could only hold on to him and nod. He pulled back so I could see his eyes, beautiful and sad and filled with emotions I wasn’t used to seeing there.

“I thought I knew how I felt about you,” he said, “when we were in the Alley. When I was convinced you saw me only as your friend. But now I know the truth.” He touched his forehead to mine, his dark lashes closing. “I love you, Kai. Which is why I can’t let you see this.”

Confusion made me frown, but his kiss and his words still burned inside me.

“Reev,” Avan said, drawing back farther. His hands fell away. “Can you take her?”

“What?” I reached out, but Reev took hold of me instead.

“Come on, Kai,” Reev said, his voice too soft. Too careful. I tried to elbow him off.

“What are you doing?” I demanded.

Avan said, “Kronos is going to release my time.”

“But that means—”

“You can’t watch this,” Reev said. My feet faltered. Reev’s hands were like manacles around my arms.

“Let me go!” I struck out at Reev, abandoning all my training and letting my limbs fly. A raging frenzy consumed me. This couldn’t be happening.

My strength was no match for Reev’s. He hauled me against him, his arm wrapping around my waist and dragging me toward the exit. Avan watched me go.

I shouted at Kronos, “If you do this, I’ll never join you!”

My fingers grappled against the threshold, but Reev peeled them loose with a quiet apology. He reached for the door.

I didn’t realize I was crying until the sob tore free. Stupid, stupid Avan—I took in the beautiful curve of his mouth, that drekking dimple, the warmth in his eyes. I had to make sure this image of him would remain with me always, seared into my mind.

He whispered, “Stay safe.”

Then Reev slammed the door shut, time hurtled forward again, and Avan was gone.





CHAPTER 40




NINU MUST HAVE liked his solitude, because there were a surprising number of secluded places on the palace grounds. My favorite was the enormous oasis right next to a block of official buildings.

The gardens stretched over three acres, filled with all varieties of trees, dirt paths and meandering streams, lush flowers and wildly overgrown plants as densely tangled as the forest. Scattered throughout were tables and benches set in patches of grass that had been allowed to grow wild.

When I’d first found the oasis, I had tossed my bag over my shoulder and lost myself in its winding paths for a week. Eventually, I’d come upon a gazebo at the end of a path laid with cracked stones. The gazebo overlooked a pond with water so clear that I could see all the way down to the silt bottom. Glittering gold and silver fish darted through the water.

I spent most of my time here. Like today. I’d folded a blanket to soften the gazebo’s stone bench and sat watching the branches rustle and shake the leaves loose.

Everyone else had spent the last couple of weeks running around me, briefing and reorganizing the sentinels—those who’d chosen to remain—while making room for the recent arrival of Irra and a contingent of his hollows. Kalla had decided to continue the Tournament to avoid alerting the public.

The first thing I demanded of Kalla was to remove my alias from the citizen registry and clear my fugitive status so I could move about freely.

After Reev found me on the riverbank, I had tried not to obsess about what I couldn’t remember. Tried to be someone Reev would want to keep by his side, despite the questions that filled the space where my memory should’ve been.

I had returned the false ID to Irra and hadn’t bothered asking for my original one. There was no going back to who I’d been.

But that was okay. I didn’t need the ID to tell me who I should be. Now, I could be whoever I wanted.

I had also gone back to the arena and found Tariza and Grene. It felt nice to see them again, although a little tricky explaining what had happened. When they asked about Avan, I had smiled and told them he had returned to the North District after recovering from his wound.

Across the stone floor of the gazebo, Reev sat on a wooden bench, immersed in an old textbook. Irra had requested that Reev and I remain in the White Court until decisions had been made about what to do now that Ninu was dead. Considering how the Infinite had manipulated me, I was certain they had a plan for what to do after they succeeded in getting me to kill the Kahl, but no one would tell me anything.

I folded my arms on the gazebo’s ledge and cradled my head in the crook of my elbow.

Seeing him, having him here with me—I was happy, of course. Reev was safe. It was all I had wanted. But I should have been happier.

Watching him study was relaxing. He joined me most days with his textbooks. He liked it here as much as I did.

Sometimes, he got this look on his face. It never lasted more than an instant, but it was enough for me to notice his eyes grow distant and his mouth tighten. Familiar as I was with the emotion, I recognized it as guilt. I didn’t have the courage to address it yet.

I hadn’t allowed myself to think too long about what had happened to Avan. A part of me blamed Reev. But even if Reev hadn’t killed him in the arena, Ninu had done it numerous times afterward.

He has so much of you already, Avan had said in Etu Gahl. Is there anything left for anyone else?