Four Doors Down(48)

Ryan turns to look and the guys immediately look away. Ryan smirks. “They’re not looking at me, Becca.”

I screw my face up, confused. He sighs and rolls his eyes.

“They’re looking at you because they think you’re hot.”

Wait, what? I look over at the guys and they’re looking at us again. One of them smiles at me.

Ryan chuckles. “You really don’t see it, do you? Look, Kevin Wilson didn’t just know who you are because I joke around. He knows who you are because he thinks you’re hot. Most of the guys on the team are perfectly aware of who you are. Trust me.” My jaw falls open. This is sounding seriously close to Ryan paying me a compliment. I’m almost expecting him to follow it up with an insult or a joke, but he doesn’t. “You just don’t give anyone the time of day to talk to you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” I mumble, suddenly embarrassed.

“That’s why it’s so annoying that you’re with that dick when you could easily get someone else.”

My head snaps around to face him, but he’s still staring out into the distance.

“Are you talking about Charlie?” I ask sharply.

He looks at me. “Oh come on, Becca. He ditches you at a party when you’re wasted, paws all over you in front of us to prove that you’re his and won’t hang out with your cousin. The guy’s a jackass.”

My jaw falls open in shock. “What the hell, Ryan? You know nothing about Charlie.”

“I just think you can do better is all.”

“Oh really? You do? Well, the day you have a successful relationship is the day you can lecture me about mine. What is your record, anyway? Two months?” I sneer.

He doesn’t respond, just glares at me angrily. I’m so mad my hands are shaking. How dare he say these things to me! “Oh yeah, that’s right,” I carry on. “They don’t have to be your girlfriend for you to treat them like shit, do they? Just use them for sex whenever you feel like it, then move on.”

He scowls. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh no? Then why don’t you call up Jessica Murphy and ask her how she feels about you, huh? I know you’ve been hooking up with her but only when it suits you, right? Only when you’re bored or at a loose end?” Wow. I must be mad if I’m sticking up for Jessica Murphy.

“Shut up, Becca.”

“No, you shut up, Ryan! Jesus, you have a go at Charlie for leaving me for a gig at a party and kissing his girlfriend in front of a few people when all you do it treat girls like crap.”

I stand up and haul my bag up off the ground, sand flying everywhere.

“You are so self-absorbed, Becca!” he explodes angrily, standing up to face me. “You can’t even see what’s right in front of you. You can’t see anything past Charlie. Do you know how annoying that is? I’m trying to help you!”

“I don’t need your help. Charlie and I are fine and even if we weren’t, it’s none of your damn business.”

I turn and start storming away from him as fast as I can, shouting over my shoulder that I’ll find my own way home. I’m so angry I reach the sidewalk in record time. Where the hell does he get off saying that stuff to me? Why did he have to do that? I should never have gone with him today. I knew better and I still let him talk me into it. And then he went and ruined it.

Again.

I’m so annoyed with him I could hit him, but I’m annoyed at myself too. It was stupid to think we could be friends again. Stupid to think he could behave like an actual decent human being. And what’s really, really annoyed me more than anything else, is realizing that he still has the power to upset me. I still care enough to be upset.





I’m in a booth at Sal’s with Charlie, Sam, and Chris. I personally didn’t want to come to Sal’s, it’s too much of a MacAllister hang out for my liking, and since I’m trying to avoid all the idiots in my school I wanted to go somewhere else, but Chris insisted it’s the best pizza in town. So here we are.

I can’t help but grin as Sam laughs at some joke that Chris just cracked. She looks so happy. Sam’s always been an amazing friend to me. Ever since she sat with me that lunchtime in middle school after Ryan ditched me, she’s always been there for me one hundred percent. We’ve never come right out and said that we’re BFF’s, we never sat down for that discussion, but she’s definitely my best friend, and I don’t know what I’d do without her.

She laughs again at something Chris has said, louder this time and she looks over at me to see my reaction. I positively beam at her. She’s so happy, so carefree. It wasn’t always the case.

Just before Christmas in our junior year, I had walked out of Spanish class after last period one day to see Ryan Jackson leaning against the lockers across from the classroom. I didn’t even bother acknowledging him as he pushed himself away from the lockers and moved toward me as I walked down the hall. “Becca,” I had carried on walking, ignoring him, thinking that he probably just wanted to send an insult my way. “Becca.” He reached out and grabbed my arm pulling me around.

“What?” I demanded, annoyed.

“It’s Sam. You need to come with me.”

I followed him down the hall, out a side entrance and across the back school fields. We were walking further and further away from the school, down toward the end of the premises toward some sheds where they stored equipment for sports. I was starting to worry. Sam hadn’t been herself for a couple of weeks; she was much quieter than usual and had seemed really preoccupied. When I tried to talk to her about it, she’d just dismissed it and disappeared. She’d been skipping lunch and I really hadn’t seen her much. Whenever I tried to make plans, she said she was too busy studying.