Four Doors Down(3)

I managed to stay there for about twenty minutes before excusing myself to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and broke down in tears. I didn’t understand it. Ryan was my best friend, and when you’re that age, your best friend means everything to you, and now he didn’t want to know me and had humiliated me in front of everyone.

The next day when I got to lunch, I sat at the same empty table, and this time, almost immediately a girl called Sam who was in a few of my classes sat with me. She didn’t mention anything about the day before, although she must have known about it, she just started talking about her favorite ice cream and I knew everything was going to be all right. Jake sat with me that whole week too, but I told him I was fine and he could go back to sitting with his friends. I knew he was mad at Ryan for the way he’d treated me, but he eventually went back to their table and resumed his place in their group.

I was miserable pretty much the rest of that week. When I got an A on my Math test, he was the first person I wanted to tell, and when we needed partners in gym class, I didn’t know who to ask. But I only let myself dwell on it for a week. If he wanted to be like that, he could be. I didn’t need anyone who thought that they were too good or too popular for me. As far as I was concerned, Ryan didn’t exist anymore.

I don’t know if he had a change of heart or even if his mom made him do it, but he did come over to my house about two weeks after the lunch disaster, but I wouldn’t see him. I ignored my mom and wouldn’t leave my room. Even when he tried talking to me through the door, I just ignored him. If he didn’t need me, then I didn’t need him either. He left after twenty minutes or so and that was that. I avoided him at all costs, not even looking in his direction if I could help it. We didn’t speak at all for the rest of middle school.

Then we got to high school, and I remember the exact moment I realized he wasn’t going to ignore me anymore. The moment I realized that he was going to go out of his way to annoy, embarrass, tease, humiliate, and antagonize me.

It was the first week of high school and I was sitting with Sam in the cafeteria. So far everything had been okay. Sam had been really nervous about starting high school, but classes seemed to be doable, and we had made a few friends that we had starting sitting with at lunch. I’d not been paying attention and managed to knock my drink all over myself. I stood up annoyed and reached down and pulled on my shirt, dabbing at it with some napkins, trying to get the moisture out and to stop the stain. I’d suddenly felt myself being watched, and I had looked up to find a large table of guys were looking over with their eyes trained on me.

At the time I didn’t know who they were, but it was a mix of ages, clearly some were upperclassmen, but Jake and Ryan were sitting there so I figured it was one of the sports teams. I immediately dropped my shirt, suddenly aware that I may have inadvertently flashed my stomach at them and sat back down looking away. Suddenly their whole table burst out laughing loudly, and when I glanced up, some were still looking at me but also at Ryan. Ryan had clearly made a joke at my expense, which they all found hilarious.

Later that week during lunch, I’d been listening to something one of the girls was saying when a throat was cleared behind me. We all turned to see a tall, blonde guy with bright green eyes standing behind us. He was looking directly at me. “I’m Billy Jameson,” he told me. “Just thought you should know, Becca,” he said before he turned and sauntered away. I had looked after him in astonishment, unsure what to make of this and wondering how he knew my name. When he re-joined the table who had been watching me earlier in the week, I’d gotten an uneasy feeling, especially with Ryan sitting over there staring at me blankly.

Over the next couple of weeks, Billy Jameson went out of his way to say hi to me when he saw me and chat with me at my locker. Turns out he was a junior who played on the basketball team. He was pretty hot, kind of popular (in a periphery sort of way) and pretty entertaining, but to be honest, I just found all the attention a bit overwhelming and a bit unwanted. I don’t know why, but I just felt suspicious. After a few weeks of idle chit chat, he asked me out on a date. I’d been hesitant, unsure if I even wanted to (or if my dad would let me) start dating, but he’d turned on his charm and I agreed.

We went for burgers and then a movie. I figured we would head home after, but he told me a few of his friends were having a cookout on the beach and that we should stop by. I had been ready to head home, for some reason I was incredibly tired that day, but I’d agreed and gone to the beach. I expected it to be just a few of his friends, but as we walked toward the fire, there had to be at least twenty people sitting around. When Billy reached out and grabbed my hand, I started to feel uncomfortable. I mean, this was the first time a boy had held my hand and he just happened to do it when we were about to meet a bunch of his friends?

We stopped by the fire and he greeted his friends while I looked around nervously. My heart had sunk when I saw Ryan was there. He was sitting with Mason Blackwell and John Roberts, talking to a couple of girls who I recognized as being freshmen but didn’t know their names. They were drinking beers and judging by how loud they were talking, they were pretty buzzed. It was as if Ryan sensed me watching him because he glanced my way. When he saw me, he shot me a look of such contempt that I wanted to turn around and leave, but just then Billy draped his arm around my shoulder and I turned to see he was introducing me to some of his friends.