Four Doors Down(12)
Henderson starts reading out the lines and I can’t help but feel for Ryan. He really doesn’t need this right now.
When the darkness in the night creeps in Whilst sat amongst thy loved ones
When the last breath on this earth is taken When the light goes out in thy eyes When you are taken to that empty place That place where no one else awaits When you must face the wrath of God And see what future is for you
When you leave behind your loved ones And go to that next place
Or is there even another place
Or just a dark and empty space
Where the dark night consumes you
In your final resting place
Oh God.
I swallow hard after reading the lines. I mean the poem is complete garbage, but if I’d just lost my grandmother, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be reading about dark and empty spaces.
“So what is the meaning behind this then?” Henderson asks. “What is she getting at?” He looks around and gets no response.
“Come on, class. I want an answer.”
Still no one speaks.
He looks around. “Mr. Jackson, what do you think? You usually have plenty to say.”
I freeze. Oh no. Seriously? Asking Ryan about death? Today of all days?
Ryan doesn’t respond.
“Come on, Mr. Jackson. Please, enlighten us here.”
I turn to look at Ryan, who hasn’t even looked up from his desk. There is silence.
“Ryan?” Mr. Henderson asks again.
Most of the class is looking over at him now and I can see his face going red. His hands are clenching into fists while he clearly tries to control his emotions.
“Ryan, what do you think the poem means when she talks about the dark night consuming?”
Ryan’s almost bright red now and I can see his chin start to wobble. I recognize that face from when we were children. It’s the face that he always pulled just before he started to cry. He looks up in panic and his eyes find mine.
“AAARGHHHHHH!” I scream, jumping up and pointing. “There’s a mouse!”
Instantly the class goes into overdrive, girls jumping out of their seats, the guys laughing and everyone staring at the spot where I’ve pointed. It takes Henderson a full ten minutes to calm everyone down after which he invites me back after school to “discuss my melodramatic nature.”
I sit down, knowing I’ve got another detention on the way and knowing my mom will go nuts when she finds out, but I don’t care. Henderson’s stopped questioning Ryan about death.
I walk out of school heaving a sigh of relief. It’s almost a full two hours later than I usually leave. Henderson kept me for ages, lecturing me on how I need to pull my act together. Then I swung by the art room to pick up some paints I left there and Miss Smith insisted on an in-depth discussion on where my project was going.
The parking lot is almost empty as I stroll toward my car texting Charlie about our plans for later. I’m so distracted that I’m practically at my car before I notice Ryan leaning against it. I stop a couple of feet away and he stands and faces me.
“Hey,” I say surprised.
“Hi.”
“Did you just finish football practice?” I ask, confused.
He shakes his head in response. “Nah, didn’t have any today.”
“Oh.” He’s been waiting here for two hours for me to get out of school?
He takes a deep breath. “Look, I just wanted to say thank you for before, in English. I was about to lose it and I know you jumped up like that to get everyone to stop looking at me.”
I consider denying it, playing it down but honestly what’s the point when he already knows. “Don’t worry about it.” I pause. “Ryan, I’m so sorry about Granny Susie. She was a really great person.”
He smiles sadly. “Yeah, she was.”
“She made the best brownies out of anyone ever.”
He laughs softly at this. “They were pretty awesome.”
We stand there awkwardly; I have no idea what to say. He looks around the empty parking lot but makes no move to go. “What are you doing tonight?” he asks suddenly.
“Me? I’m going to a movie with Charlie.”
He nods and looks at the ground.
“What are you doing?” I continue. “Staying home and spending time with your parents? Your mom must be devastated.”
“No, they went up to San Fran this morning to tell Lisa in person. They won’t be back tonight.” I nod. That makes sense. Lisa is Ryan’s older sister who lives out of town. She just had a baby and I’m sure Kathy would have wanted to make sure she was okay in person.
“So Jake?”
Ryan shakes his head. “He went out of town last night to look at colleges with his folks. It’s been planned for a while.”
Oh. This I wasn’t expecting. “So I guess it’s down to Mason and Kevin and those guys, huh?” He shakes his head, smiling ruefully. “No, don’t think I can handle those guys right now. Bianca’s having a party, but I haven’t told them about Granny Susie, and I’m just not in the mood.”
Oh, crap. I open my mouth and then close it again. Oh, come on! This is the first time I will have seen Charlie since last Friday.
“Okay, so I should go. Thanks again.” He says and turns, walking toward his car. His shoulders are slumped and his head is downcast. He looks so sad.