Four Dead Queens(110)

Looking at Varin, the word kept nudging in at the edges. Love. Love. Love. I loved this boy. And while he might not be there yet, I’d teach him how to love in return. He deserved it. As everyone does.

He let go of my hand. “Will you go home afterward?” he asked. He didn’t need to say the words. After HIDRA. I couldn’t believe the next time I saw my father, he’d be whole.

I knew it hurt Varin to talk about HIDRA, since it wasn’t something that could help him. But as he said, he had faith in a cure, and in the meantime, he would visit the Eonist Medical Facility to slow the deterioration of his vision. He could continue his art and capture the beautiful, if complicated, nation of Quadara.

“I hope so.” Uncertainty still flipped inside my belly when I thought about home.

He didn’t reply. I studied his profile and the downturn of his lips. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“What about us?”

“You’ll come with me, of course.”

“A failed messenger and a retired criminal?” he mused. “It sounds like the start of some terrible joke.”

“No.” I shook my head seriously. “It sounds like a beginning. You can be whoever you want in Toria. Do whatever you want. For as long as you want.”

His face grew serious. “I like the sound of that.”

“It’s a deal, then.” I held out my hand for him to shake. The start of many promises I would keep.

He swept my hand back into his and held it to his chest. “I knew there was more to this world. More than the life I was living in Eonia. But I never thought I could be a part of it. You taught me I could. How could I ever leave you? You restarted my heart. You brought me to life, Keralie Corrington.”

His words stole my breath away. I grinned through my unshed tears. “You made me realize I could change, that my past doesn’t dictate my future. You saved me from myself.”

He pressed his hot mouth to mine, sending a flare through my body. It was much better without a full body dermasuit between us—much more real.

When he released me, he was grinning widely. He’d never looked more beautiful.

“Here,” I said, pulling something out from my coat pocket. “I thought you might want this back.” It was the picture he’d drawn of me.

“You kept it?” he asked.

I nodded. “I wanted to have something of you with me. But I don’t need it anymore. I have you.”

He smoothed the piece of paper on his leg. “Thank you.”

I leaned over his arm while he traced the intricate lines of his drawing.

“I want to be this girl you captured,” I said. A girl of light and laughter. “I want to be worthy of your—” I wanted to say love, but it was too soon. “I want to be worthy of you.”

“Worthy of me?” He scoffed. “Keralie, I thought I was alone in this world. I never thought anyone would care about me”—he smiled—“the way I care about you.”

We kissed again.

When he pulled back, his gaze was focused on something behind me.

“They’re here,” he said.

A carriage pulled up at the House of Concord stairs, and a woman stepped into the snow. She glanced at the palace before her eyes settled on me. Her expression shattered into disbelief. As did my heart. She looked exactly as I remembered. And she was looking at me in the way I’d hoped, with love and forgiveness.

My mother.

She turned around and reached inside the carriage to help someone down.

The last time I’d seen him, he was covered in blood and bandages with a respirator wedged down his throat. I held my breath until he locked his eyes on mine.

When my father broke into a smile and opened his arms—ready to embrace me—my heart restitched inside my chest.

I was home.





ACKNOWLEDGMENTS



I like to think that I’ve been preparing to be an author all my life. As a child, I was always imagining fictional worlds, usually with my cats as my begrudging accomplices. While this isn’t uncommon for kids, who thrive on untamed imagination, unruly magic and the unknown, we tend to grow out of these “childish fantasies.” I did not. This book you hold in your hands is my lifelong dream come true. But I wouldn’t be here without the following people.

To my amazing editor, Stacey Barney. Your wisdom, infectious laughter, and kind and supportive words made this already wonderful journey even more special. I’ve always wished for an editor who loved my book the way you do and I’m so lucky to have found you! Thank you!

I can never thank my fabulous agent, Hillary Jacobson, enough. You were my first “yes,” setting my book and life on a course I’d only ever imagined. Knowing you have my back is such a wonderful and reassuring feeling. Thank you, thank you!

I’m so grateful for Jennifer Klonsky, Courtney Gilfillian, Kate Meltzer, Katie Quinn, and the entire Penguin Teen team, you are the best bookish crew an author could hope for! Thank you to Theresa Evangelista and Katt Phatt for creating the most gorgeous cover I’ve ever seen. And thanks to Virginia Allyn for making my childhood dreams come true by creating the magical map of Quadara. And a special thanks to the indomitable Felicity Vallence. You are the best in the biz!

The writing process can be a lonely one, therefore I’m so appreciative to have Sabina Khan, Tomi Adeyemi, Adalyn Grace and Mel Howard to share the ups and downs with. Thank you for always listening with a kind and open heart.