False Hearts (False Hearts #1)(101)

I’m alive, though. That’s something.

With difficulty, I manage to sit up. Moving triggers an alarm and a nurse droid comes in, topping up my medicine before going away.

I curse the droid as my eyes grow heavy again. I sleep.

*

The next time I wake up, I’m not alone.

Nazarin sleeps in the chair next to me, scrunched up awkwardly. His name is Aziz, but it’s hard to break the habit. I feel much better this time. More awake, more alive.

There’s a bunch of flowers on the nightstand next to my bed. Little white roses. I take one out of the vase and flick the stem at him. The water droplets splash him and he jolts awake.

“Hi,” I say, managing a weak smile.

“Hey,” he answers. His bruises are almost gone.

I try to sit up. Nazarin helps me and then passes me a cup of water, and I sip gratefully.

“Tila?” I ask.

“She’s been given a full pardon. It’s all still out of the press. You’re not being held for any crimes committed while undercover.”

“She’ll be free?” My voice quavers.

“Yes. She’ll be transferred and released tomorrow. You did it. You freed her.”

I laugh, though it sounds hollow and weak. “I did it.” My sister is safe. Safe. I fall back against the pillow. It hurts. “What’s my prognosis?”

“The doctor will fill you in on the jargon and everything, but I can tell you what I know. You were shot in the chest. It didn’t penetrate the Kalar suit much, but the impact of the bullet against your metal sternum messed with your heart and broke the skin. They had to repair and restart it. You flatlined. You’ll have another scar, unless you want to erase it.”

He snuck it in there, among the other stuff. You flatlined. I died. My fingertips graze the bandages. “Can I unwrap it?” I ask.

He shrugs. “Probably not yet.”

“When can I go home?” I want to go home and sleep. I want it to be tomorrow, when my sister is free.

“Soon, I expect. Let me call for the doctor.”

“Wait. One thing first.”

“What?”

“Tell them to send down the waxworker. Get them to give me back my face.”

*

We’re silent as the hovercar takes us to my apartment. Not the safe house. My real, actual apartment, where I haven’t been since they asked me to become my sister. My fingers trace my features. My nose is back to its usual shape, my cheekbones a little lower, my cheeks a little fuller. My hair is still short, but it’s curly again and no longer blue. Even my old face in the mirror doesn’t look familiar anymore.

I look out the window at San Francisco. It’s foggy today, making everything look soft and dreamy. The algae tinges the gray with green. It reminds me of the world in Ensi’s head, and I look away.

Nazarin helps me up to the flat. He seems to have recovered much quicker than I have, though he wasn’t shot in the chest, so I suppose that makes sense.

I collapse on my sofa. It feels like I haven’t been here in so long. A different person has come home than the one who left. It’s going to take a long time for me to make sense of what happened in my head. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to fully trust my own mind again.

“Give me some SynthGin, will you? It’s in the cupboard to the left of the fridge.”

He dutifully pours two glasses and comes to sit next to me on the sofa.

“Fill me in,” I say.

Nazarin’s voice is soothing. I take a long gulp of gin and close my eyes, listening. Ensi’s body is still alive, but he’s brain-dead. The government plans to put his body into stasis all the same. The Ratel has crumbled somewhat at the loss of its King and Queen. The government is breaking up the rest.

“They’ll find Verve,” I say.

“Yes, though Sudice is arguing that Veli Carrera began his research in their labs, and is trying to patent it. We’ve one saving grace, though: they’re not exactly sure how to re-create it. It seems only Ensi knew the recipe.”

“How?”

“It’s what the drop was. Mana-ma grew a mushroom at the Hearth. I expect it’s the same ingredient she used to dose you before Meditation. She processed it as much as she could there, and Ensi personally put the final touches on it once it arrived in the city.”

I sigh. “It’s only a matter of time before they figure out how it works.” I’m not sure if I’m talking about Sudice or the government. Does it make a difference? “Have we really helped anything?” If Verve goes to market, the violent after-urges removed, it remains a way to make people more tractable.

“It won’t be that easy for them. Someone might have leaked a medical report detailing the true effects of Verve to the entire city.”

“Kim?”

He only smiles in response.

So things are not fixed. It is not a happily ever after. We can hope the Ratel stays scattered, and there’s a glimmer of hope that Verve won’t be released to the city from another’s hands. A glimmer of hope. That’s all.

“I suppose that’s enough for now,” I manage. “What’s next for you, then, now that your undercover op is finished?”

“I’ve asked for a leave of absence.”

I manage a smile. “A well-deserved break.”