Emerge: The Captive: (Book 3)(71)

“Becoming a Chola assassin will make me harder and unfeeling when I’m faced with a difficult fight. I could almost accept that if I thought I could return to my old self in other ways.”

“But this isn’t about returning to your old self, Sasha. You left that girl behind the moment you stepped into this valley. Find a way to use this experience to improve yourself and you will leave this place a stronger and better woman because of it.”

Sasha tried to focus on the mother’s lesson, the thing she’d been trying to beat into her since the beginning of ankathari, but Sasha couldn’t see beyond her desire to get this all behind her and move on. Maybe that’s the problem.

“I am such a fool.” Sasha laughed. That was exactly the problem.

“Why do you say that?” the mother asked.

“I’m the girl with the plan. The girl who always knows what she wants and how to get it. I bulldoze through life, making things go my way. I’m a fool, mother.” She looked at the wise old guru with a hesitant smile. “I’ve been trying to do that here. But that’s not what life is about, is it?”

“You’re getting the lesson.” She nodded. “Go on.”

“I’ve always faced life with a checklist.” Sasha shook her head. “A list of all the things I’m going to do and exactly how I’m going to accomplish them. Finish school, go to college with Quinn, double major in graphic design and marketing. Get my MBA and start my career with a stellar internship. I figured by the time I landed my first real job, Quinn and I would be ready to get married or at least live together and buy a house. We’d spend a good long time with just the two of us, working hard to make our fortune. Then in a century or two we’d retire and raise our family, devoting all our time to training our children. But it’s all so … childish.” Sasha laughed again. “Did I really think it would be that easy? That life wouldn’t throw an unexpected tragedy or obstacle in my way that would send my carefully built house of cards crumbling into the dirt?”

“How do you feel about that realization?” the mother asked.

Sasha stared at the setting sun. “A little bit like I just grew up. Disappointed that it took me this long to get the lesson. And … it feels quite freeing, to be honest. I think I’ve known for a long time and I’ve just been too stubborn to admit it to myself, but Quinn and I just aren’t right for each other. I love him. I always will. He means the world to me and I’ll always fight for him. He was my first love, but I can’t force something that just isn’t there. The distance I’ve had from him here has helped me see that.”

“There are a lucky, rare few who are meant to have two great loves in their lifetime,” the mother said. “It can be difficult coming to terms with how to love them each in their own way. I have no doubt that you will discover how to love Quinn in a way that is healthy for you both.”

“That is a comforting thought,” Sasha said. “He has always been larger than life to me. We put labels on people. Friend, boyfriend, family, lover…. Quinn has never been just one of those things. He is all of them. And none of them. I don’t know where he fits into my life anymore, but I know he is and always will be as important to me as my next breath.”

“But Quinn is not the lesson you are learning in this moment. This is about you and you alone. So what is it? What will you carry away with you tonight as you face your battle with ankathari?”

“My life will never be predictable and under my complete control. I need to be ready to roll with the punches. I have to be willing to alter my plans even if it means my life might not look anything like I intended. And I need to be okay with that. I need to accept the fact that some things are beyond my control. Becoming a Chola assassin was never in my plan. That is the Senate’s plan for me. But I need to decide how I will use this experience for myself because that is within my control.”

“Well done, Sasha.”

“There’s just one thing.” Sasha smiled. “How do I do that?”

The mother chuckled, squeezing Sasha’s hand with affection. “Take it one moment at a time and I am confident you will figure it out.”

“Thank you, mother. You have been a source of great inspiration.” Sasha bowed her head in respect.

“The sun is setting, dear one. It is time.”

~~~

“Sasha?”

“Quinn?” Sasha turned in the swirling cloud of fog and smoke, the scent of sulfur threatening to suffocate her.

How did I get here? The confusion sent her stumbling toward the sound of Quinn’s voice. She needed to see him. Feel his arms around her and know that he was real and not just a figment of this awful nightmare.

He stood in the moonlight, his shoulders hunched as if he had the weight of the world on his mind.

“Quinn? Is it really you?” Sasha couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him. She couldn’t even remember how they’d arrived at this temple. But she felt a driving need to escape.

He turned on her, his eyes a smoldering fire of power raging inside of him.

“No. Quinn, you didn’t.” Sasha took a step back. “You couldn’t have.” But the man facing her now was not the boy she loved. He’d succumbed to the addiction of his power. This was the evil that Quinn had always feared lurked inside him. The fear she’d dismissed time and again because in her mind there was nothing Quinn couldn’t conquer.