Emerge: The Captive: (Book 3)(69)

“We’ve done this for eighty-seven nights in a row and it’s not getting any easier,” she whispered. “If anything, it’s getting harder. What am I doing wrong? How do I make it through the night when the wine makes me forget, makes it seem like the first time all over again?” Her eyes brimmed with the tears she couldn’t seem to stop. Sasha had never been a crier before, but her experience with ankathari had broken something inside her.

“You have to find your determination. You have to fight and keep fighting. It doesn’t end when I carry you back to the temple. The fight is right now and you’re losing it. You have to eat. You have to sleep. You have to keep your body strong. You have to train in the mornings and you have to slay the phantoms each night. You have to forget who they represent. You need to learn to see them as faceless strangers. And one day it will get a little easier. And the next. And the next. And eventually you will conquer your mind as well as your body.”

Sasha swiped at her tears. “This is so messed up, Jay. I just want to break things, I’m so angry and so sick of feeling like this.”

“Yes. Get angry, Sasha. You should be angry. Channel that rage into getting through this.”

Sasha reached for the bowl of fruit. She’d thrown up almost everything she ate lately. But he was right; the only way to end this was to get through it.

“Don’t let me wallow, Jay. Keep me moving forward. Please. Whatever it takes.”

“You have my word.” Jayesh took her hand in his. “We will take this one day at a time … together.”

~~~





CHAPTER

TWENTY-THREE





Quinn: Fall


Cleveland, Ohio


The darkness made it worse than it actually was. And the sound of water rushing through the tunnel miles ahead didn’t bode well for the second half of their journey. The flooding was bad this time of year, when the lake was at its highest. They might have to swim a good part of the way.

“I need to rest,” Santi said. “Just for a minute.”

Quinn nodded, slipping to the muddy ground. Livia’s power pulled harder and harder with every passing minute. It was like she was sucking the life right out of them. He wasn’t sure how they were going to make it. For the last hour Quinn had struggled with the overwhelming urge to turn back.

“I feel sick,” Santi said. “I’m not sure I can go on. She’s too deeply ingrained in me.”

“I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t anticipate this.” Quinn reached for her hand in the darkness.

“Whatever happens, you have to keep going. You have to get away. If I can’t do this….”

“Shhhh, Mina. We’ll do this together. By tomorrow I’ll be showing you the Yard, where Livia can never touch us.”

“What’s the Yard?”

“It’s a huge cavern deep under the lake. My mother and grandmother and some of their friends turned it into a terrarium like the warehouse back at Soma, but I promise there are no mountains there to climb. It’s amazing, Santi. It’s filled with warm sunshine, cool breezes, and birds chirping.”

He winced at the thought of those birds. Sasha had called them there years ago. She’d raised them and ferried the old ones out every few generations when the young ones ventured out of their nests. He would have to figure out how to deal with his feelings for Sasha and his feelings for Santi. It was impossible to go through something like they had and not be forever bonded by the experience. But he had so much history with Sasha. How can you be in love with two people at the same time? After so much time, and after everything he’d been through, Quinn wasn’t the same person he’d been the night of the Springtime Ball. But there was still a part of him that would always be in love with Sasha.

And then there’s Jayesh. Jealousy ripped through him at the thought of all the time Jay had spent with Sasha.

“Sounds beautiful,” Santi whispered.

“You‘ll love it,” Quinn said, putting his warring thoughts of Sasha aside.

“I’m not going to make it, Quinn. I’m not strong enough. Not anymore. Maybe if I hadn’t been with Livia as long as I have. But she owns me. She’ll always own a piece of me. I can feel her draining me, pulling me back. Already my feet itch to do her bidding.”

“We can push through it, Santi. Don’t give up on me now.”

She drew in a ragged breath that sounded more like a death rattle.

“I’m coming,” she whispered. “I’ll be right behind you. If I fall back, you have to promise you’ll keep going, Quinnton. You’re stronger than you know. You’re stronger than she knows. She’s been pushing you for months but you’ve held your ground. You can do this. If she pulls me back, it’ll be okay because you’ll be free and you’ll come for us. Promise me? Promise me you won’t quit?”

“I promise. Come on. Let’s keep going.” He offered her his hand. There was no way he would let her give up.

“I’m right behind you. For as long as I can.”

“Just … don’t give up, Santi. I need you. I can’t go back to my old life. Not without you. My family … they’ll expect me to go back to how it was before and I just can’t face that. Not alone.”