Dream Me(32)

“They’re gone now,” his voice catches, “and I can’t go back, not ever. My last day on Earth I was Pioneer 675875826453829. Now I just inhabit your dreams.”

Still we hold onto each other, as if by letting go we’ll spiral off into space.

“We belong to each other. With each other,” I say. “Nothing else matters.”

This is where we started, and although I know him only slightly more than when we began, it feels like we’ve narrowly avoided a disaster in our relationship. The ugly fear slithers back in its hole. My lunch reappears on its plate. A soft breeze ruffles my hair. Zat’s hands over mine feel reassuring.

But I’m wrong. It’s not over.

“And if you saw me for my true self?” he asks.

“Don’t you remember everything that’s happened between us? The day in the garden. Swimming with you in the ocean. Walking with you on the beach. Sharing you with my family, my friends. Haven’t I already seen your true self?”

He hangs his head, whether in sorrow or shame I’m not sure. My hands are warm and then hot from a surge of energy which passes from him into me. I want to see his eyes, to be reassured again, but he looks away. His hands grow thick and rough. They curl around mine like the roots of an ancient tree. His skin turns the color of amber. His nails morph into talons.

The fear so tightly coiled inside me rears up like a cobra. Using every bit of my strength, I force it back, push hard against its venom of terror and look directly into the face of my beautiful Zat.

His lidless, unblinking eyes stare back at me, their copper-colored irises revealing no emotion. Where moments before there had been a perfectly sculpted nose, now there’s only a small pad of flesh punctured by two breathing holes. Scaly, amber skin covers the place where thick, luscious waves of hair had crowned his head. I see no ears, and where I expect to see a mouth with full sensual lips there’s nothing but a small, dark slit.

“And if you saw me for my true self?” he repeats, his voice so soft and sad, a million light years away.

__________

It’s impossible for me to describe the absolute feeling of despair I have upon waking. The ache in my heart dwarfs the pain in my head. I care about Zat more than ever, but I haven’t been able to convince him of that before we’re forced apart by the cold indifference of my sleeping cycle. I close my eyes and lay still, frantically trying to get back to him but my heart pounds and sleep won’t come.

How many people can see through the superficiality of what a person chooses to present, strip away all the layers, and come face to face with that person’s most difficult truths? How many people can do this and still be able to sustain their absolute and unwavering devotion? I did this. I would declare to the world my unshakeable commitment to Zat if I could trust anyone to listen. But sadly, I can’t say it to the one person who needs to hear it most, which is Zat. He revealed himself to me and by doing so he risked rejection and loss. All he held onto was the hope that if I really knew him, I would still choose him.

I pray he’ll have faith in me until we see each other again.

Comments:

Sweetness: holy s**t !!! what is he?

RoadWarrior: Babe, are you okay?

DreamMe: His future is in your hands.





Eleven


I decided to take a chance with Mai. If she was going to be my best friend, then she’d better know what she was getting into. So when we met after work that day with only vague plans for what to do, I decided to open up to her. But after hearing the first words come out of my own mouth, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.

“Have you ever had a dream that felt so real, you couldn’t stop thinking about it even when you woke up?”

Mai had been waiting for me at the tennis shop while I closed up. She’d never been through the gates of Crystal Point before and was curious to take a look around. I’d left word at the gatehouse, so Earl had waved her through.

“Sure. Who hasn’t?”

“How about a dream that goes on and on every night?” I was leading her with baby steps.

“You mean like a recurring dream? I’ve had those—like this one dream where I’m driving a car and I come to a stoplight and step on the brake but the car keeps going. I’ve dreamt that a bunch of times.”

“I mean more like a dream where you might meet someone, and then that person shows up every night and you develop a kind of relationship with him.”

I was pretty sure other people didn’t have dreams like that but you never know unless you ask. Sometimes you think people won’t understand an experience or thought you’ve had, and then one day you mention it and find out that it isn’t uncommon. That’s what I was hoping for, although I was prepared to be disappointed. Or even worse, embarrassed and ashamed.

“A relationship?” Mai looked at me a little suspiciously.

“It doesn’t have to be a relationship. Maybe you just get to know that person really well, you know?”

“No. I don’t know. Tell me about it.”

“I didn’t say it was happening to me.” I could feel myself getting defensive, preparing to be ridiculed. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea. But then I remembered how Zat bared himself to me, and it made me a little braver about the whole thing.

“Hmm . . .” Mai said. “Somehow I had the feeling we were talking about you.”