Don't Kiss the Messenger (Edgelake High School, #1)(71)

“So this is my fault?” I shouted back. I took a step closer until we were inches apart. Her chest rose and fell with deep breaths.

“You wanted to believe it,” she said. “You wanted it all, the perfect brains and the perfect face and the perfect body all rolled up into the perfect girl.” There was fire behind her eyes, the kind of passion I was looking for from Bryn all along. The passion that always fell short. I was always looking at the wrong face.

“You don’t know what I wanted.”

I started pacing now. My mind was on fire. Heat soared through my chest. There was something else I was piecing together.

I turned and glared at her. “That night, under the balcony, that was you talking, wasn’t it?”

She stared down at her feet and nodded slowly. “Yes,” she admitted.

“God, you seduced me,” I said. “I almost slept with Bryn that night!”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “I know, I was there. Not the almost sleeping with you part.”

“Well, you might as well have been.”

“Well, I sure as hell wasn’t.”

“But it wasn’t her. It was what she said, what you said that made me—” I stopped and my voice trailed off. I couldn’t make sense of what I was feeling. “I can’t talk about this right now. I can’t think.” I couldn’t look at her. I threw my arm out, pointing at the door. “Get out of here, CeCe!”

She nodded and headed to the door until she turned back.

She pointed at the front door. “You need to get out,” she said.

I couldn’t take this. “Damn it, CeCe. I’m not joking with you right now. Leave!”

“You’re in my house!” she shouted back.

I blinked and looked around, momentarily forgetting where I was. I shook my head and barreled past her. I might have bulldozed into her if she hadn’t jumped out of my path of destruction. I slammed the door shut behind me.

…

CECE

When Tuba came home, I nearly tripped running down the stairs to meet her. She threw her gym bag on the floor and looked up at me. I came around the railing so fast we almost collided.

“He knows!”

I expected dark piano notes to follow my statement. I was infuriated to see Tuba smile, like this was positive news.

“He found out about me and Bryn!” My voice was almost hysterical. “He came over and confronted me about it.”

“Good.” She set both of her hands on my shoulders to steady me. “It’s out now. So, you guys can finally come to terms with the fact that you’re mutually in love with each other.”

Her words hit the stubborn armor around my mind and bounced back.

“I think we can come to terms with the fact that he hates me and thinks I’m a compulsive liar,” I said.

“Oh, give him some time.” She walked around the side of the couch and sat down. “He’ll come to his senses. He just needs to process it. Guys are emotionally stupid.”

I followed her and sat down on the other end of the couch.

“Process what?”

“The fact that he’s in love with you, not Bryn. He’ll get there.” She picked up a magazine off the coffee table and opened it, thumbing through the glossy pages.

I couldn’t believe how calm she sounded. Didn’t she see the problem here?

“Nothing is going to happen, Tuba. It’s over. That’s all there is to process.”

She looked up at me.

“Well, it is with that kind of a defeatist attitude.”

“It can’t work,” I argued. “Look at him. And look at me. He should be dating a supermodel. Someone like Bryn that can hang on his arm at red carpet parties and social galas and look great in front of a camera. Someone beautiful.”

She closed her magazine and set it down.

“You don’t think Emmett can see you as beautiful?”

I sighed and sank back into the couch cushions.

I felt my face heat up. My nose started to tingle, the telltale sign that tears were coming. I blinked hard, trying to contain the buzzing ache behind my eyes. Life, this would be an opportune time to drop a meteor from the sky. Right on my head. I waited for another second, willing the asteroid to hit. No such luck.

“You’re scared,” Tuba said. “You’re terrified because you’ve never felt this way about anyone, and it’s freaking you out.”

I bit my lips together to stop them from trembling. She was right, but there was so much more to it. I choked back the urge to sob.

“You can’t relate to this,” I said.

Tuba shook her head. “Everybody has insecurities, CeCe. You’re not the only one who’s self-conscious, you know that?”

I shook my head. “You don’t have to wear your flaws on your face. People judge me the second they see me.”

“Everybody is judged,” Tuba said.

I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt.

“Do you know how hard it is to be over six feet tall in high school?” Tuba asked. “I swear, every guy I like is five inches shorter than me. Guys tease me all the time. I walk around, staring at short girls and wish I could be small and petite and cute, not this fucking giant. This athlete. This jock. Sure, it helps you get a college scholarship, but who cares when you never get asked out. Guys call me Amazon. Or Sasquatch. Not exactly compliments.”