Call the Shots (Swim the Fly #3)(57)
“No way.” Matt shakes his head. “Don’t listen to him, Sean. You don’t want to risk your life on one of Coop’s whacked-out plans. Trust me on this one. I almost lost a perfectly good appendix thanks to him.”
“Matt’s right,” I say, looking at Coop. “I don’t want any part of it. Maybe you could pull off going on two dates at once, but I’m not you.”
“You’re not me, that’s very true.” Coop stands and starts to pace. “But what if you had me backing you up? That would almost be as good as being me. Not only that, what if you had Matt backing me up backing you up? That’s double backage, dude. It’s like wearing two condoms at once. Protection on top of protection. You think you could pull it off then?”
Matt laughs. “Didn’t you learn anything from your safe-sex presentation with Helen?”
Coop waves this away. “Whaddya say, Sean-o? Are you ready to step into the big leagues?”
“I don’t understand how this would be any better than going it alone,” I say suspiciously. “What, exactly, are you and Matt going to do to make this possible?”
“We’ll be the ultimate wingmen,” Coop explains. “Here’s the deal. We’ll all go a little early and meet up with Leyna at DeLuca’s first. Just so she knows you didn’t bail. Then you and Matt excuse yourselves. For whatever. Matt can pretend to get a text from the lost and found saying they’ve located Sean’s phone or something. Then you both head over to H&M to greet Evelyn while I stick around the coffee shop and occupy hottie. After a few minutes, you excuse yourself from Evelyn and Matt’ll run some interference with her for a while. Easy.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Matt says. “Why do I have to deal with Wacky Slacks?”
“Sorry, dawg.” Coop shrugs. “You’re the only one for the job. You’re levelheaded and no-nonsense. I swear, the cops should hire you to talk jumpers down from buildings.”
“Look,” I interject. “I appreciate the offer. Really. But I don’t think I’m up to it.”
“Oh, come on,” Coop says, gesturing with his crumbling snack bar. “You can’t afford not to do this. If you ditch Leyna, that will be that. You don’t get second chances with a honeypot like her.”
“How would you know?” I ask. “You met her for, like, five minutes at the auditions.”
“That’s right, and I pegged her right away. She’s the insecure hottie. If a guy rebuffs her, then it’s cold-shoulder time. Look, you already said you can’t get out of going to the mall with Evelyn. My way keeps everyone happy. Including Mr. Happy.” He waggles his eyebrows at me. “What do you say?”
This is a really bad idea. I know this. And yet the thought of letting Leyna slip through my fingers fills me with dread. I take a deep head-clearing sniff of my palm.
Coop sits down next to me on the squeaky bench and rests a hand on my back. “It’s gonna be a piece of pie, boss. Trust me. You won’t even have to break a sweat. You’re in capable hands. Me and Matt will take care of everything.”
EXT. STREET — NIGHT
Jack and Stacy are being chased by a pack of hairy blood-drooling humanzees. They race up to an old house and BANG ON THE DOOR.
JACK
Open up! Help! Please!
STACY
Jack! Hurry! They’re going to get us!
Jack pounds on the door again, but nobody answers. He looks back to see the humanzees gaining ground. He pulls a Swiss Army Knife from his pants pocket and quickly unlocks the door.
INT. HOUSE — NIGHT
Jack and Stacy stumble into the house and slam the door behind them. Jack slides the dead bolt shut. The two of them start moving furniture in front of the door and windows.
The humanzees begin beating on the doors and windows. Stacy starts to freak out.
STACY
They’re going to get in, Jack! They’re banging on the door! What are we going to do? They’re going to infect us. I don’t want to be a vampire-zombie-monkey like all those other people! Please don’t let them make me one!
Jack grabs Stacy by the shoulders and plants a deep, hard kiss on her.
JACK
I won’t let that happen, Stacy. I promise.
Trust me. Do you trust me?
STACY
Yes. I trust you, Jack.
Stacy leans in and kisses Jack heavily and passionately. They are interrupted by the SOUND OF BREAKING GLASS.
A humanzee’s arm reaches in the broken window and unlatches the lock.
Stacy SCREAMS. Jack grabs Stacy’s hand.
JACK
Come on. Let’s go. Follow me.
Jack and Stacy head for the stairs just as the humanzees start climbing in the window.
Coop finishes reading the last line out loud, then looks up from the screenplay pages, a big grin on his face. “This is totally brill, dawg,” he says, hopping up on my bed. “I am über-impressed. It just keeps getting better and better. Seriously.”