Burn Before Reading(74)

I instantly knew it was him. I texted him.

Nice one.

He replied a millisecond later with a smiley face.

^_^ I knew u’d like it

What inspired it?

i asked burn what to hack u w/and he said ‘something disturbing’ so I did my best It’s true, it’s the epitome of horror. You’ve found my one weakness. Corn on pizza. Cizza.

or porn

No, thanks. Cizza is slightly better

ur a party pooper

And you type like you’re in middle school.

saves time. Also, stops me from looking like a giant, grammar-correcting douche like u

Fair, fair.

so u and Wolf r getting cozy, huh?

What do you mean?

u rode home with him last week. Plus burn said he saw u 2 holdin hands in the back of the car after the skydive My heartbeat skyrocketed. I tried to change back my desktop picture to the picture of a basket of kittens it used to be, but I couldn’t access my control panel. All I got was a frozen screen. I let out a sigh and my phone vibrated again.

im holding ur computer hostage until u confirm or deny

Ugh, fine. Yes. We held hands.

arent u super excited about it?!

Yes, but. It’s just hard.

yea, duh. that’s luv

I rolled my eyes, but the pit of dread in my stomach only grew. It was fine, letting him believe what he wanted while I did the whole reconnaissance thing for his dad. But what about after? I’d buried myself so deep in these brothers’ lives, I doubted I’d be able to disentangle myself so easily when the time came. They would get hurt.

And what about me? What did I want? I wanted my scholarship secure. I wanted to graduate from prestigious Lakecrest. And I wanted to go to NYU. But somewhere along the way, Fitz and Burn, at least, had become my friends. Friends I convinced myself I never missed having. Wolf was, despite our commitment to hate each other, important to me. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be – it was supposed to be easy, shallow. It wasn’t supposed to turn into something….real.

I hated the stuck up, spoiled Blackthorn brothers. They hated me. That was the way it was supposed to be.

Part of me would give anything to go back to the first moment Wolf gave me my red card. Just do everything over again. But that wasn’t the present. That was the past. And I had to put my big girl pants on and buckle up for the bumpy ride of the future.

“Bee?”

The knock at my door made me look up. I turned my computer off quickly – I didn’t want Mom asking questions about why a Cizza was my desktop picture.

“Come in,” I said, cracking open a textbook to look busy.

She opened the door, entering with cautious steps and a nervous smile on. I might’ve gotten my physical stuff from Dad, but Mom and I were the same when it came to emotions – we were both shit at hiding how we felt. I could tell she was feeling guilty about being out so much, and this was her check-in on me to placate it.

“Hi,” She said. “How are you doing?”

“Great,” I motioned to my book. “Just finishing up on studying for this last big test before Thanksgiving break.”

“And how’s school going?”

“It’s, you know, the same as ever.”

Mom smiled. “Right. Do you know what you want for your birthday, yet?”

“Mom, no,” I groaned. I’d seen the bills on the counter – things were tight as ever. I knew we couldn’t afford something for me. “Don’t worry about it, okay?”

“Come on, sweetie, it’s your birthday! Anything you want. Anything at all.”

Her guilt tinged her voice, sounding a lot like desperation. I wanted to tell her money wouldn’t fix the fact she was ghosting out of my life lately. Out of Dad’s life.

“I just want you to – to be home more,” I said. “If that’s okay. That could be my birthday present.”

“Oh, honey,” Mom bit her lip. “I wish. I wish so much I could be home, but with things like they are at the hospital, I’m covering double shifts.”

I sniffed the air. Double shifts she had to wear perfume for? I sighed.

“Okay. Just a cake. A cake would be fine.”

“You need presents, sweetie. You can’t just have a cake. Is there anything you want, any new boyband tickets I could buy you, or one of your wizard books I could buy you –“

“I haven’t listened to a boy band in ages, Mom. And I don’t read ‘wizard books’ anymore. Plus I don’t have time to go to a concert. Not with this test coming up.”

“You work so hard, you deserve a break –“

“I deserve you in my life,” I muttered. Mom went still.

“What did you say?” She asked.

“Nothing,” I shook my head. “Forget it.”

“Sweetie if there’s something you want to talk about, I –” Her phone rang just then, and she looked to me, then back at it. I waved at her.

“It’s fine. Answer it.”

Mom sighed and picked the phone up, walking out of the room. Her voice faded with her. “Jenny? Hey, I didn’t expect you to call so soon. Where are the others? Oh, that’s just down the street. Sure, I’d love to –“

“Are you going out again?” Dad’s voice came from the living room. Mom said something back, too low to hear, then Dad scoffed. “Don’t give me excuses, Angie. Just go. It’s what you want to do. Far be it from me to keep you from living your life.”