Burn Before Reading(69)

The Blackthorn's mom was right - it wasn't the falling that was hard. It was the landing.

I could do this. I had to do this.

Wolf’s warm gaze played back like an echo on my eyelids.

Everything would be okay.

I pulled again with all my might, and instantly felt the yank back as the parachute deployed. My neck protested with a lightning crack of whiplash, and the feeling of all my organs falling back into place was bizarre, yet welcome. I was just floating now, arcing slowly above the forests and houses. Was that our town below me? I could see cars moving in a steady stream, people going about their lives.

I kept breathing in and out, my eyes searching for the massive JP pattern in the grass. I saw it – carved in a distant field, the helicopter parked on it, and tugged on my left tab. My parachute tilted a little, catching the wind at a different angle and steering me towards it. I could see Wolf’s parachute as he touched down and the cloth crumpled with the lack of air. He’d made it. I’d make it, too.

I saw him waiting for me, gathering up his parachute. I pulled the left tab harder, and the ground was suddenly so much closer. Then all at once, my feet hit the ground, and I started running, the force of my momentum carrying me forward until finally the parachute deflated and my run petered out. I felt someone tugging on it and turned to see Wolf there, his googles off and his hair windblown to hell and back.

“You made it,” He said, detaching the parachute for me so I could actually move without dragging it.

“Don’t sound so happy,” I said. “It means I get to keep being a thorn in your side.”

He smirked crookedly. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

It was weird – the two of us smiling at each other like some kind of idiots. But the adrenaline was pumping through me so hard and fast I couldn’t help my smile, and apparently he couldn’t either. I helped him bring the parachutes into the aircraft barn, adding them to a big pile. Suddenly the stress of it all caught up with me, and my legs felt too weak to even stand. I collapsed on the parachute pile.

“Are you alright?” Wolf asked.

“I’m fine, I’m just – overwhelmed, I guess. That was incredible.”

“But you were scared out of your mind,” He added.

“Obviously,” I exhaled.

“Was it worth the fear?”

I stared up at the rafters, then at the way the sun shafted over his face. His jade eyes turned almost translucent in the light, golden-green like the leaves of a delicate plant. The sun always made his features more handsome, infuriatingly handsome, and he basked in it as a lion does; uncaring and regal.

“Yeah,” I decided finally. “I think…I think the most important things in life, the things worth doing, are always scary. At first.”

“Like what?”

I flushed. “I dunno! Like…like competing in something. Or confessing to someone. It’s always scary, but then you do it and it turns out to be the best thing you ever did.”

“Even if you don’t win?”

“It isn’t about winning. It’s about trying. About living to the fullest, with no regrets.”

Wolf chuckled, running his fingers through his hair.

“What’s so funny?” I demanded. He didn’t answer, his laugh petering out. From the open doors of the aircraft barn, I saw Fitz land and collapse on the grass on all fours. Burn landed shortly after, helping Fitz up and undoing his parachute. Wolf watched them walk towards us, his voice soft.

“She would’ve liked you,” He said.

“Who?”

“Our mom.”

The silence between us always felt so heavy, but this one was somehow gentle.

“Thank you,” I said finally. “For letting me do this with you guys.”

Wolf offered me his hand up, and I paused. If I took it, would we really still be enemies? Enemies wouldn’t offer to help each other. Enemies wouldn’t take each other skydiving on their dead mother’s birthday. Enemies wouldn’t laugh with each other. What exactly were Wolf and I, now? And why did what we were matter so much to me?

I took his hand, and he pulled me up with ease. I ended up standing a little too close when he pulled me up, and for a moment I couldn’t breathe, our chests nearly touching.

“Wolf, you –“

“It’s getting easier,” He murmured. “Touching people. It’s still hard to do it with anyone else, but with you –“

“Wolf!” Fitz came running towards us, a huge grin on his face. “Did you see me? I landed like in that one James Bond movie!”

Every ounce of fear was gone from Fitz, though as he drew closer I could see he was shaking. The adrenaline clearly had a giddy effect on him. He flung an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close.

“You saw me, right Bee? I handled that whole thing like the smoothest special agent in the world.”

“Like you were born doing it,” I smirked.

“So brave,” Wolf deadpanned, and Fitz pointed at him accusatorily.

“You shut up. At least I try to get over my fears, instead of wallowing in them.”

“Wolf’s trying, Fitz,” I spoke up. “In his own way. Everybody tries in different ways, at different paces, okay?”

“Well he doesn’t have to do it with a holier-than-thou attitude.”