Bring Me Back (B.A. Paris)(37)

‘Any more Russian dolls?’ Ruby asks, while I’m ordering breakfast at the bar.

I glance at Ellen, who’s making a fuss of Buster. ‘Harry came to lunch the other day and found one standing on the wall outside the house. Ellen doesn’t know,’ I add, warning her.

‘You should have brought him in for a drink,’ she says, pouring me a coffee. ‘How is he?’

‘Fine. He wants to get married.’

She laughs. ‘Harry? Married? Two words I never thought I’d hear together.’

‘Don’t worry, it’s just a phase,’ I grin.

She takes another mug from under the counter and pours a coffee for Ellen. ‘Does Harry know that Layla is back?’

‘Apparently, he never believed she was dead. Like you, he thinks she’s reappeared because I’m going to marry Ellen. And now, because of the ring I left Layla, in the letter, everything has become even more complicated.’

‘Why?’

‘Because she’s wearing it, apparently.’

‘Oh, Finn,’ Ruby says softly. She looks at me. ‘You really need to tell, Ellen, you know. It’s not fair on her.’

Aware that Ellen has moved to a table and is waiting for me to join her, I pick up the mugs of coffee.

‘Thanks, Ruby, see you later.’

‘Anytime,’ she says.

The huge breakfast takes the edge off the frustration I feel, and with Ellen reaching for my hand across the table, everything is soon alright in my world again. Breakfast over, we wander back to the house and get down to work. I spend a lot of time on the phone making introductory calls to possible investors, and even more time checking how competitors’ funds are doing. Later, as Ellen and I move around the kitchen making dinner, chatting about our day, a quiet contentment comes over me, making me determined not to let Layla destroy what I have.

While Ellen’s getting ready for bed, I take out my mobile to quickly check my emails, acknowledging that for the first time, I don’t want there to be one from Rudolph Hill. But there is. Heart in mouth, I open it.

TELL ELLEN, OR I WILL





THIRTY-THREE

Layla

I know I should stop what I’m doing. I need to accept that Finn is with Ellen now. But something won’t let me.

After my mother died, I used to hear her voice in my head. It was as if, in dying, she had left something of herself behind in me. Or maybe I couldn’t bear for her to be gone. I began to adopt some of her mannerisms and say things she would have said, which infuriated my father no end and Ellen would have to protect me from his wrath. Our mother died from pneumonia, brought on by living in our freezing stone house in the most desolate part of Lewis and never seeing a doctor. But sometimes I dream that he murdered her and buried her body in a peaty bog where it would never be found. I know it’s not true, though. It’s just my mind getting mixed up.

It got mixed up a lot after I disappeared. But once I arrived at my place of refuge, I quickly adapted. I had to, for survival. I did what I had to do – I hid my true self, banished my true voice from my head and became the person I needed to be. Eventually, it led to a happiness I’d never imagined finding again. It wasn’t the same kind of happiness I had known in my previous life – how could it be when I wasn’t the same person, when I had to live in secret? But it was good, solid happiness, one I could have lived with for the rest of my life. Then Finn decided to marry Ellen and everything changed. My true voice started to come back. ‘You’re never going to get your old life back,’ it taunted. ‘Finn loves Ellen now.’

The other day I asked Finn if he loved me and he said that he did. ‘That may be,’ said the voice. ‘But while Ellen is around, you’ll never get him back.’ And I realised that the voice was right.

I thought about what I could do. If Ellen left Finn of her own accord, it would make things easier. If she knew I was back, surely she would understand that Finn was rightfully mine and disappear from his life, as I had done all those years ago? It was a long shot, because I knew how hard she had worked to make Finn love her. But if I had to fight her for him, so be it.





THIRTY-FOUR

Finn

Layla’s last message made me jumpy, like I was losing control. She’d made it sound like some kind of test. What was she thinking – that if I told Ellen she was back, Ellen would move out so that she could move in? Or that Ellen, sure of my love for her, would ask me to choose between them? But how could I? I feel terrible, because it should be simple.

Looking over at Ellen as she gets dressed, I feel a stab of shame. I should have told her about Layla – but there’s no point now. A week has gone by since that last email and I haven’t heard anything since. I tell myself that it’s for the best. But how can I forget everything that has happened, go back to how I was before? It will be the not-knowing all over again – not knowing where Layla is, not knowing where she was, not knowing why she came back, only to disappear again.

‘Is everything alright?’ Ellen asks, and I realise I’ve been staring at her, except that I wasn’t seeing her, I was seeing Layla.

‘Yes, sorry. I was miles away.’

‘Well, now that I’ve got your attention, can I talk to you about something?’ She pauses, pulls a grey vest top on and picks up a pair of pale grey jeans, and I guess she’s going to ask me about plans for our wedding, because with it less than three months away, we need to get down to the technicalities, who we’re inviting and where we’re holding the reception. I had thought of holding it at The Jackdaw but something tells me Ellen is expecting more than steak and chips, and that the wedding isn’t going to be the simple affair I’d hoped it would be.