Bad to the Bones(31)
Why was I getting a sudden window of clarity? Madison thought it was being away from the compound, seeing her shrink—twice now—and talking to “normal” people like her. Maybe. But I kept seeing Shakti’s face, looming like a chortling circus clown with that damned eye patch, urging me to “embrace my submission” and to “give total effort!” while being penetrated by other ashramites I barely knew—the guy who sliced the deli meat, the guy who organized mail, the guy who fixed appliances.
And more and more I saw Bodhisattva’s face. I realized he was one of “them,” people who actually wanted to control me with their pseudo-therapies. I “should” marry Bodhi to enter into a master-disciple relationship because…uh, why exactly? I had been at this shtick longer than Bodhi. He only arrived a year ago from India where he’d been wandering, seeking, after losing his medical license. Why would he be my master? Screw that.
“So you don’t really want to marry this guy?” Madison asked me now. A good friend, she was sitting up with me on bar stools at the kitchen island while Ford got some rest. I really had been quite the burden on her, I knew. I owed her a lot.
“No! Not at all! I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t a true marriage consist of actual loving feelings toward the other person?”
“Of course!”
“Not only do I not have loving feelings toward Bodhi, I have no feelings whatsoever! Course, that could be my borderline personality. I can’t feel emotions about anything. But Madison…” I leaned closer to her, although no one else was in the spacious house other than Ford and Fidelia. “This must not be true. Because I do feel something for Knoxie.”
As expected, devious triumph spread over Madison’s face. She sat upright with the victory of righteousness. “I knew it! That’s why you were crying out for him! He’s a fantastic guy, isn’t he? Nicole did wrong by him, although I can’t say as I totally blame her. A girl should be able to expect more than frozen dinners for her kids, and even their rental house was falling down around them. Still, that’s no excuse for her cheating. But he’s stepped up to the plate, Bella! He really has. I’m probably making him sound like a broke loser. He’s making more money now than he ever did—”
“Acting in porn films.” I didn’t disapprove of that profession, not at all. Shakti would probably say it was a noble way of keeping your chakras open and grounded, while pounding a lot of skanks. I just looked at it as a way to make money, and it was legal to boot. But somehow, when it came to imagining Knoxie arching his sweetly inked, broad, muscular back over some hoe who was probably thinking about her manicure, well, that irked me. I didn’t know how and in what way, but it did. It just raised my hackles, as my dad used to say.
“Now, don’t badmouth the Triple Exposure. It’s generated lots of coin for lots of people. I really meant his new work for the club. I’m not sure what it is exactly that he’s doing. Old ladies never do. But whatever he did today for the club, it impressed everyone so heavily that he’s now patching in. Ford said he handed him a cut with a Prospect patch. They’ve been trying to get him to patch in for years. Ford and Knoxie were in the same SEAL division, you know. Knoxie’s been a hang-around forever. Oh, I can’t wait to start calling him ‘Flip’ when he earns his road name!”
I actually giggled then, the best I’d felt all day. Maddy’s cheerful demeanor allowed me to venture, “I’ve got to admit. He is extremely handsome. Not that I spend a lot of time thinking about it. But you’ve got to give him credit for sculpting his body like that. It’s like a work of art. It’s like he’s trained each tiny muscle, and inked it to match.”
“Oh, Knoxie is a true work of art, Bella. I love the Mayan mandala on his right bicep. Sweet.”
While Madison was getting carried away with her visions of Knoxie’s muscles, I saw headlights sweeping down the access road. The only lights coming up that road would have Ford’s house as their destination, so I rose from my stool. My heart actually started racing, that’s how nervous I was, like a senior waiting for her prom date.
Maddy moved around the kitchen. “Here, have some coffee.”
“I don’t want any damned coffee,” I said irritably.
She set her cup down with a sigh. “Look, Bella. Whatever Knoxie did yesterday, he did for you. For some reason you’ve gotten under his skin.”
I scoffed. Secretly my heart soared to think I might’ve gotten under Knoxie’s skin. “I’m a project for him.”
Maddy shrugged. “Maybe. But what’s wrong with that? You need help, so accept his help.”
“Did he go up to Bihari yesterday?”
Maddy’s face told me that yes, Knoxie did, but she wasn’t about to spill. “I wouldn’t know. You can try asking him.”
By now the roar of his engine approached Maddy’s driveway, cleaving the incredibly still nighttime desert air. She padded in her slippers to the foyer to let him in.
I fidgeted. I was used to the bracing air of the high Merry-go-round Canyon, so to me, Mescal Mountain’s lower altitude was warm. I was wearing only a form-fitting nightgown—yellow, no less, to be daring by throwing off the shackles of purple—but I was warm. I opened the sliding glass door that led to the expansive deck. On warm nights the lit fire pits turned the deck into a Martian landing zone, and damn, did the Illuminatis have some kick-ass parties. Or I should say, The Bare Bones did. I squinted out at the distant buttes, the rusted red layers of ancient sea water, the layers of yellow sandstone just being revealed by the rising sun. I literally knew those buttes, having lived in them as a teenager. I was intimately familiar with the geology.