An Uncertain Choice(33)

Now that he mentioned it, I felt the cold dampness of my gown pressed against my fair skin, and I couldn’t hold back a shudder. I crossed my arms, hugging myself for the warmth I lacked.

Sir Derrick frowned. “I agree with your nursemaid, my lady. You must hurry along and change out of your wet clothing.”

As I allowed James to lead me away, I could feel Sir Derrick’s gaze following me, blazing a trail of heat through my insides, regardless of how cold I was on the outside.





Chapter

12




I peered out the open window of my chamber, trying to get a glimpse of the arrival of another set of guests. But the inner wall of the castle stood in my line of vision, preventing me from viewing the arrivals that had been ongoing since morning.

“I really wish you and Abbot Francis Michael would stop worrying about me so much.” I turned away from the window to Trudy, who had hovered at my side since I’d returned from town wet several days ago. I’d heeded her instructions to remain in bed, secluded from my guests, only because the abbot had insisted on it as well. When he’d discovered I’d gone near the infected area, he became concerned that I might fall ill. All it had taken was the mention of spreading disease among my guests for me to willingly seclude myself. The last thing I wanted was to bring the illness into the castle among the knights, and now the other nobles who were arriving for the festivities.

Trudy clucked her tongue as she finished pressing the last wrinkle from the gown I planned to wear to the dance that evening.

“We’re only worried because we love you so much and don’t want to see you hurt in any way by this whole grand scheme of the duke’s.”

I gave an exasperated sigh, just as I had done numerous times since I’d been confined to my room. Their protectiveness stemmed from love, just as my parents’ had. But still, I longed for them to treat me more like an adult. Like Sir Derrick did. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why I had been unable to stop thinking about him since our walk home from town. He was kind, but he didn’t treat me like I was fragile or breakable. Rather he seemed to push me to be better, to do more, and to rise higher. And I liked it.

Dare I say, I liked him?

“I only want what’s safest and best for you.” Trudy spread the pink gown out over the bed, its sheer layers and softness similar to so many of my gowns.

No one could deny that a life behind cloister walls would be the securest and most peaceful course for my life. “But what if what is safest and what is best for me require walking two divergent paths?”

Trudy shook her head, her flushed cheeks wobbling. “There you go again, speaking in a manner far above me.”

“Did my parents do what was safe?” We both knew the answer without my saying it, but I answered the question anyway. “They chose the risky road, Trudy. They could have stayed back in the castle, locked themselves away, and let the people fend for themselves against the Plague. But instead, they went out and were willing to sacrifice their very lives if needed to do what they thought was right.”


I paced across the room, treading the path in the rushes I’d already made during the afternoon of restlessness in my chamber. After days of solitude, I’d begun to feel like a caged songbird and I was ready to be set free again.

Trudy pressed her fisted hands against her hips, watching me and shaking her head. “Come sit down this instant. You’re wearing me out with all your prowling.”

But I couldn’t stop. A peculiar need was driving me, the need to test the new feelings inside me. Somehow I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied until I’d tested them to their fullest and found them wanting.

“Sometimes we have to take risks, even put our lives in jeopardy to do what’s right.”

“Oh, Rose,” Trudy said, using my childhood nickname. Her face crumpled with concern. “More than anything, I want you to be happy. Whatever you choose, as long as you’re happy, then I’ll be happy.”

I stopped in front of her and grasped her hands. “Then will you help me, Trudy? Will you help me discover what all these new feelings mean?”

“I don’t know —?”

A knock on the door echoed hollowly through the chamber. Trudy rushed to respond, and I again padded to the window and listened to the cheerful calls of men and women arriving and being escorted into the keep where my servants had guest rooms prepared.

When Trudy finally closed the door, she held a large bundle wrapped in a silver cloth. “The duke has sent you a gift for the dance tonight, my lady.” She crossed to the bed and deposited the present. Slowly, she lifted the cloth and unveiled a luxurious, shimmering gown of deep crimson, glittering with pearls and diamonds embroidered on the sleeves, neckline, and waist.

We gasped together at the beauty and stared at it with open mouths.

“Did his servant say why he chose to bestow such a fine gift upon me?”

“He said the most beautiful woman in the kingdom deserves the most beautiful gown tonight.” Trudy reverently brushed her fingers across the full skirt.

“It’s magnificent,” I whispered. But did I dare wear something so fine and regal? I glanced at the pale pink gown I’d planned to don. Next to the red creation, it seemed plain and childish.

“He wanted you to know it’s exactly the kind of gown your father would have given you for your first dance.” Trudy’s voice cracked. “He said your father would have wanted you to make your first public appearance looking like the woman you’re becoming and not like the little girl you once were.”