#Junkie (GearShark #1)(58)
Before either of us could think about it, he kissed the back of my hand.
My heart literally tripped. It fell flat and skipped a beat.
That chainsaw?
Not even that would be enough to separate me from him now.
I could tell the act caught him off guard. The way he stilled and pulled his face away like he was in shock.
I didn’t want to act like it was a big deal, even though I was pretty sure my heart graduated from skipping a beat to doing cartwheels inside my chest.
“Those phone calls were a sign.” I continued, calm. “One of the many signs I tried to ignore, the ones whispering in the back of my mind that maybe… No, not maybe. That I am gay.”
“Shouldn’t you be calling your grandpa, then?” Drew asked. He was totally serious. This wasn’t a joke anymore.
I smiled anyway because it was funny. But he didn’t see because he was still looking away. “If it was my grandpa I called, I wouldn’t be able to tell myself the shit I was feeling was wrong. Plus, then I could tell all the guys I was calling some chick I met online to have phone sex. I told them she thought I was Scottish.”
He didn’t say anything, but I knew he was listening.
“It’s not like I was never attracted to women.” I went on. “I was.” Drew stiffened, and I squeezed his hand. “But never like this. Never so much it tore me up inside. I think maybe that’s why I liked Ivy.”
He made a sound, but I hurried on before he could get mad again.
He was a prickly bastard tonight. But that’s okay. This was a heavy conversation.
“She was a safe choice. She didn’t like me, not like that. It was always B for her. I knew it and knew she’d never choose me anyway.”
“That actually makes sense,” he murmured.
“I lied to you.”
His head came around. “About what?”
“That night months ago? The one where I was so drunk I forgot everything?”
He nodded.
“I didn’t forget. I remember.”
“What do you remember, T?” he asked, quiet.
“I remember waking up the next morning and staring at the indent of where you’d been all night beside me and wishing you were still there.”
He sucked in a breath. I knew I’d planned to let him think. Let him make sense of the kiss. But the words wouldn’t stop tumbling out. There just wasn’t room in me for them and all the feelings I had for Drew.
“I thought maybe acting like I forgot would make it easier, and I wouldn’t lose you as a friend.”
“I almost lost you tonight. In that bar.”
“No. That bar just pushed me closer in your direction.”
“I hated seeing you with that guy.” He glanced down at our hands. “All I could think was you were mine.”
“I am yours.”
“I don’t—”
“It’s okay.” I cut him off. “I know you don’t know how you feel, and that’s okay. Just know you won’t lose me. Not tonight. Not ever. Even if…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. “I’ll always be your friend, Drew.”
“You’ve been avoiding me all week.” He accused.
I grimaced. “Cut me some slack. I never said it was going to be easy. It isn’t every day a guy finally admits to himself he’s totally into his best friend.”
He lifted his head and stared out across the darkened room as I watched the light from the TV screen flicker across his features. “I missed you.”
I cleared my throat. “Me, too.”
“I was avoiding you, too.” The words were accompanied by a very meaningful look.
My mouth went dry, and hope (the evil bastard) swelled up inside me. “Because you finally admitted to yourself you’re totally into your best friend?” I asked.
He shook his head no.
My raging hard-on wilted.
“I haven’t admitted it. I wasn’t ready.” His blue eyes lifted to mine. “But I am now.”
Drew
My name is Drew Forrester.
I’m pretty sure I’m in love with my best friend.
Who’s a guy.
Trent
“What are you saying?” I asked. I wanted to be perfectly clear.
“I’m attracted to you, frat boy. In the same way you are to me.”
“You’re gay?”
He smirked. “I’ve been with too many women to call myself gay. So maybe I’m bi. Hell, I don’t know. Putting a label on it won’t make it any easier to understand.”
I nodded, totally getting it. “Or any easier to feel.”
He glanced away and sighed. “I’ve been fighting it, too, for a long time. We’ve always… kinda had this chemistry between us. You know?” He glanced at me for confirmation.
“I think that kiss proved it,” I replied, rueful.
“I totally wanna do it again.” His voice was a half growl.
“Thank Christ,” I swore. Being in a relationship (if that’s what this was) with another man wasn’t going to be easy. It wasn’t something I’d choose for myself.
But love chose for me.
After kissing him, after sitting here with him like this… it became oh so clear to me that the only thing harder than being with Drew would be not being with him.