You've Reached Sam(68)

“I’ve barely started anything!”

“Well, now you won’t have me as a distraction.”

“You’re not a distraction—” I start.

But the train doors close between us.

Sam and I look at each other through the window. Then he breathes onto the glass and writes something. I read the letters right before they vanish.

S + J

I smile and place a hand on the window. Sam presses his hand against mine. We look at each other for as long as we have left. I wish I could frame this moment between us.

A voice comes through the intercom, reminding those of us on the platform to stay behind the yellow line. I take a couple steps back as the train begins to move, taking Sam with it. I stand there clenching the jacket, watching the train pick up speed until it becomes a roaring blur of lines, blasting air up from the tracks, blowing back my hair.

And then spots of light appear from behind me, twirling through the subway like fireflies as the ceiling suddenly lifts itself, pulling in a cool breeze. I turn around to find the underground platform has vanished, replaced by an evening sky and carousel lights from the fair.

Gravel crunches beneath my shoes as I look up at the Orbiter, a carnival ride that lifts people into the air and spins them around like a hand mixer.

“What about this one…” I ask, pointing at the ride. “Too scary?”

I’m holding hands with James—Sam’s little brother. It’s just the two of us at the moment. He doesn’t answer me. He hasn’t been speaking to me all night.

“Do you want some food instead? We can get cotton candy.”

James says nothing. He stares at the ground.

I don’t know why he’s so quiet. I take him to the cotton candy stand, hoping this cheers him up. He’s never like this. He and I have always gotten along. It was my idea to bring him here tonight.

A man behind the stand taps impatiently at a sign.

I tap James’s arm. “What color would you like?”

No answer.

“I guess we’ll take the blue,” I say.

James nibbles on his cotton candy as we wander around the fair, looking for Sam. He went to play carnival games with some friends. I thought James and I could use the time to bond. But he refuses to go on any rides with me. As we stop to watch people get tossed around on the Tilt-A-Whirl, I finally ask, “Are you mad at me?”

He stares at the Tilt-A-Whirl without a word.

I frown, unsure how to get through to him. “Whatever it is, James, I’m sorry. It makes me sad that you aren’t talking to me. Can you at least tell me what I did wrong?”

James looks at me for the first time. “You’re taking Sam from us.”

“What do you mean?”

He looks back to the Tilt-A-Whirl. “I heard Sam talking. He said he doesn’t want to live with us anymore. He said you guys are leaving somewhere.” He looks back at me. “Is that true?”

I’m at a loss for words. Sam mentioned he had an argument the other week with his parents about what he would do after graduation. About moving to Portland with me and pursuing his music instead of going to college. That’s probably what this is about.

“I would never take Sam from you,” I say.

“So you’re not leaving?”

How do I answer this? “Well, I’m going to college. And Sam might go with me. But it doesn’t mean either of us is leaving you.”

Before I can say more, Sam appears, holding a stuffed animal.

“It’s a lizard. Cute, right? Took me forever to get it from that bucket toss game. I’m pretty sure it’s rigged.” He gives it to me. “I won it for you.”

“That’s very sweet.”

I turn to James, lowering myself to him. “You like lizards, don’t you?

Here…”

James looks at me, at the lizard, at Sam, then back at me. “He gave it to you, ” he says. Then he walks off.

“Don’t go too far!” Sam shouts. He turns to me. “Don’t worry about him. He’s been like that lately. I’ll take care of it later, okay?”

“Okay…”

“You should cheer up. We’re at the fair. Did you want to go on a ride?”

I look around us. All these rides seem too intense for me. “Maybe just once on the Ferris wheel,” I say, pointing behind him.

The lights from the Ferris wheel can be seen from anywhere in town. It stands a hundred feet high, towering over the other rides and almost every building in Ellensburg.

Sam turns around, looking up at it. “Oh. Uh, are you sure you don’t want to go on, you know, something else?”

“What’s wrong with the Ferris wheel?”

“Nothing. It’s just a little high up, that’s all.”

“Are you afraid of heights?”

“What? Of course not.”

“Then let’s go.”

The Ferris wheel somehow seems taller when you’re standing beneath it. We hand someone our tickets and step into our windowless gondola. Sam takes a few deep breaths. He’s a bit jittery all of a sudden. When we hear the mechanism coming to life and feel the Ferris wheel begin to move, Sam grabs my hand.

“Are you gonna be okay?” I ask.

“Yeah … totally fine…” He laughs a bit nervously.