Worth the Fall (The McKinney Brothers, #1)(75)

At those words, Matt pinched the bridge of his nose, resisting the urge to slam a fist into the wall.

“And do you think she complained about it? Ever said a word against him? No, she didn’t, and do you know why?”

No. He couldn’t imagine why she didn’t ask for more. “Why?”

“Because she’s used to it. She expects it. She pushes people away rather than have them in her life and then deal with the pain she knows will come when they leave. But, God knows, she’s so in love with you she can’t even protect herself.”

He heard the tears in her friend’s voice.

“So, if you don’t plan on sticking with her, then I’m asking you to let her go.”

“Not going to happen.”

“If you hurt her, I will try my best to kill you. I know you’re a special black ops secret agent man and all, but I promise you, I can do some damage.”

“I believe you. And I can promise you, you won’t need to.”

Matt hung up, glad for Abby’s friend, her loyalty and love. Abby deserved it. But did he deserve her? He’d told himself he didn’t have a choice, but that wasn’t true. You always have a choice.

He’d been dumb enough to think loving her was enough. It wasn’t. Not by a long shot. He’d convinced himself he didn’t want to quit, that he couldn’t, but everyone had seen through it. Tony, his CO—everyone except Abby. She’d never even considered the possibility that he would choose her.

If he’d met her before T died, he wouldn’t have considered anything else.

Did Teddy see it? If he were here now, would he say “Forget your promise”? And if he’d already known Matt was getting out, what had he meant?

If Abby had died, Matt wouldn’t have given a shit about anything, about any promise past or present.

He stared at his cell. He had other calls to make.





Chapter 30


Abby stood in front of her dresser, watching the man she loved move toward her in the mirror.

“Hey. How do you feel?”

“Fine. You survived.”

“Yep. Almost turned into the Battle of Waterloo, but I prevailed. How’s the head?” He leaned down and laid a gentle kiss to her temple.

“Fine.” She swallowed, a million wings beating at her stomach. Her head was fine, but her heart felt sick. She’d told Matt she needed him and it was the truth. But it wasn’t the whole truth. And there was a look on his face now that made her even more nervous. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. But we need to talk.” He sat at the foot of the bed and pulled her down beside him. He took her hand in his and looked down, then back up to meet her eyes. “Abby, when I said it wasn’t working, I meant I wanted more time, not less. So…it’s not all ironed out yet, but…I’m leaving the team.”

What? The bottom dropped out of her stomach and her fingers tightened around his. That’s the very last thing she’d expected him to say. “Matt…I know you were scared, but—”

“Yeah, it scared the shit out of me, but that’s not why. Look at me, baby.” With a finger under her chin, he raised her face a fraction higher toward his. “I meant it two days ago, before you were hurt, and I mean it now. I want more. I need more.”

She shook her head in disbelief as her mind reeled. He was dangling what she wanted so desperately right in front of her, asking her to reach out for it, to trust it wouldn’t disappear. He was walking away from his team? He couldn’t mean it. She didn’t want to let herself believe it. “But you love being a SEAL.”

“I love you. What will it take for you to believe that?”

Abby stared at their joined hands, and everything she had with him, everything they had together, rushed through her with a terrifying force. The more you have, the more you can lose. “I believe you. That you love me, but…”

“But what?” He took her chin again, forcing her to look him in the eye. “Is this because of Josh? Because you can’t compare us. I won’t be compared to him,” he said sharply. “Abby, I know you’ve been hurt before, but you have to know they didn’t really love you. Not like I do.”

Her heart fell at the truth of it. “I know that.”

“I’m sorry.” Matt brushed a hand over her hair and softened his voice. “I didn’t say that to hurt you.”

“No, you’re right. None of them did, but…my mother…I think she loved me. I—”

“Of course she did, honey. I didn’t mean that, not about your mom, but she died. I know it was hard, but that doesn’t mean—”

“No.” She shook her head. She hadn’t lied to him, but there was lying by omission and it felt like a lie. He was talking about giving up everything he loved, and he didn’t even know the truth. She hadn’t wanted him to know. But that wasn’t fair. He had to know everything before he made a choice.

“You should know the truth.” Abby looked into his confused face and felt a cold sweat break out over her skin. She hated to think it. Never said it. “Before you change your life, you should know. I…My mom—she didn’t get sick like I told you.”

She rose from the bed and moved to the dresser before he could touch her, because if he did she might fall into his arms and never get the courage again.