Worth the Fall (The McKinney Brothers, #1)(67)

She grabbed her phone off the charger and went to the couch, anxious to hear his voice.

He’d sounded funny. First, he was on his way back and he’d call her ASAP. Then, a call but no message. Then, the last message: He really needed to talk to her. She’d sensed some stress the last time he’d been here. Work? Her?

Her own emotions were all over the place, but she knew one thing for sure. She wanted to be with him more than she wanted to be without him, even if it scared her to death. If there was anyone she was willing to take a risk for, it was Matt.

—

“Hey, McKinney,” Chappers yelled, stopping Matt in the base parking lot. “You going to Digger’s tonight?”

The guys in his platoon were going to get a drink. He wasn’t going to miss it. “I’ll be there.”

He walked to his truck, gear bag thrown over his back. He’d been going nonstop since he’d left Abby, and he’d missed Halloween, which sucked. She’d texted him a picture of the kids in their costumes: Jack, a skeleton; Annie, an orange and black candy corn witch; Charlie, a cowboy; and Gracie, a cowgirl.

He should have been there, not only because he loved that holiday but because he hated the idea of them walking around in the dark. He imagined the kids had gone in four different directions, and Abby had probably carried Charlie half the time when she shouldn’t be carrying anything.

He couldn’t go on like this. Didn’t want to.

Maybe he could take leave until after the baby was born. Or maybe…maybe he could find the strength to walk away. For Abby. He was in too deep to pull back, though it sucked he was coming around to this today of all days.

Head pounding, Matt started his truck, eager for a shower and a beer. He wanted to toast his dead friend, and he wanted to talk to the woman he loved.

Damn it. He froze, fingers white-knuckling the steering wheel. It was loyalty to those two people, so completely at odds, that was making it so f*cking hard.

By the time he got to the bar, he was in a hell of a mood. He’d called Abby three times. No answer, as usual. Never in his life had he wanted a woman to call him so badly. He needed to talk on the phone like a girl.

Was it too much to ask that she reach out to him? And tonight of all nights he would’ve liked to hear her voice—two years to the day since his best friend had died in his arms.

He needed a drink. Or several.

Digger’s was primarily a man’s bar: alcohol, pool, darts. Tonight there was an overload of perfume and hairspray in the air as Matt made his way past a group of women to the bar. It was only the second time the team had met up to drink on this occasion, not counting after the funeral. They’d made a pact on that first night that it wouldn’t be a cry fest.

They were Navy SEALs, for God’s sake. They all knew the score, knew it could be any of them at any time. They weren’t as invincible as they liked to think. They’d drink to their friend and be thankful for one another’s company. That’s how T would’ve wanted it.

He could see by the empty shot glasses lined up on the wooden bar the guys hadn’t waited on him.

“Hey, my man.” Decker clamped a thick hand down on his shoulder. “You are way behind. Could we get this man a drink?” he shouted to the bartender. And with that, they proceeded to catch him up on what could be his last bar night as an active-duty SEAL.

Four shots later, he was feeling a bit better about things. Well, not better, but he did appreciate the dull buzzing in his ears.

Parker, Rocky, and Chappers had challenged some of the guys from Echo platoon to a game of pool. The onlookers, male and female, surrounded the table as the match deteriorated into a drinking game.

“Lot of hot women over there,” Decker said, leaning against the bar beside him.

Matt took a pull of his beer without comment.

“Not even tempted, are you?”

Matt lowered the bottle. “Nope.”

“Don’t blame you.”

Matt eyed his friend.

“You’re the one that showed me her picture.”

Right.

“You know, my marriage didn’t implode because I was a SEAL.”

Matt looked at the man beside him, who’d never once mentioned his failed marriage in all the time they’d known each other.

“It imploded because I was too blind to see she was a bitch from hell.” Decker laughed and threw back a shot. “But if she hadn’t been, if she’d been like your Abby…I’d have walked away from the SEALs years ago.”

Matt couldn’t have been more shocked if Doug had told him he was a woman. He’d never met a man more devoted to the team, except maybe Teddy, and he’d always assumed that Doug hadn’t cared enough to make his marriage work. That being a SEAL required such a level of dedication he’d chosen the team over his wife.

“You know, I’m surprised you haven’t,” Doug said.

“Haven’t what?”

“Gotten out.” Doug raised a beer chaser to his mouth, took a long drink. “Teddy told me that was your plan.”

Everything in Matt tensed. “Come again?”

“T. He told me you were making noise about leaving the team, way back when. I’m just surprised, with your lady and the kids and all.”

Matt could only stare. T had what? It took him a second to digest. “How did he say it?”