Without a Hitch(86)

Tears spill onto my cheek, and I quickly brush them aside, hoping he didn’t notice.

I should have known better. He catches the last tear and cradles my face in his large palms. “I don’t know what I can offer you in the future, Tilly. But I do know if you stay with me, I could love you forever.” He shakes his head before I can respond. “But I also know what you need. My views are blurring, but they haven’t changed.”

I choke back a sob. “I know.” And I do. He’s allowing fear to guide him instead of love, and it makes me want to hate him a little. But I won’t beg him to choose me. He’ll break my heart, and I’ll have allowed it. I knew that from day one. I chose my professional future over protecting my heart, and now I’ll live with the consequences. “Swim with me?”

Lochlan pulls back and scans me head to toe. “Don’t hide from me, Tilly. Not me. I know you’re hurting, and I know it’s my fault. If I knew I could give you what you need and not fear what it would do to us, I’d bend over backward to give it to you.”

“But…”

“But I can’t take the chance of having your love and then lose you in the eventual downfall.”

“My heart hurts for you.” This time a sob breaks free.

“Why, Tilly? Why do you allow other people’s emotions to affect you like this?”

“Because emotions are what make you feel alive, Lochlan! You’ve walled yourself off so you don’t get hurt, but you’re missing out on every single joy life can offer. You live behind a mask of rigid indifference, but that’s not what’s in here,” I say, pounding roughly on his chest. “I know it’s not, and if you won’t tell me how she hurt you so deeply, I’ll never be able to stay. You don’t have room for me in your heart so long as you keep it filled with hate for her.”

“This isn’t about her,” he roars.

An overwhelming sadness threatens to crush me. “Isn’t it, though? Isn’t it all about her?”

“No.” He shakes his head violently.

“Until you stop lying to yourself, nothing I say will make a difference. Your heart has endless potential for love. You prove it every day with your employees. With your sister and your parents.

Even with Colton, but you’re forgetting to love the person who matters most.”

“But I just told you. I do love you. Or…”

“No, you said you could love me. It came with a condition. That’s not love. And it’s not what I was talking about. The person you have to love first is you.”

Lochlan stares with a blank expression and misty eyes as I rise onto my tiptoes and kiss his cheek.

“It’s late,” I say quietly. He nods as I ease out of his grip, and it takes every ounce of strength I have to walk inside and prepare for bed.

We move side by side in silence, and when the light clicks off, propelling us into total darkness, I know our end is near.





C HAPTE R 33

LOCHLAN

“W e have three more days,” I plead. Tilly sits like a statue on the edge of the sofa, her hands clasped and eyes downturned. We’ve barely spoken since last night’s disaster, and I’m spiraling because I don’t know how to fix this.

An end was eventual, but I thought I had more time. I need more time. More time to prepare. More time with her. More time to force her to stay.

She speaks without looking up. Her hollow words cut like a serrated knife. “You got the preliminary contracts this morning, Lochlan. You’re getting your deal. I’ll come back for the gala on Saturday with you, but staying here for the next few days will only make things harder in the end. I told you…”

It’s the first time her whispered words have choked up all day, and as fucked up as it is, it gives me hope. The monotone robot that came out of her earlier terrified me. It wasn’t my Tilly. This emotional goddess is the one I need.

“There’s been a connection between us since our very first meeting,” she continues. “And I told you…” She swallows loudly, and I move to her side, but she doesn’t meet my eyes. “I told you I fall too fast. That feelings would grow like a forest fire. The kindling is catching, lover. Let me go before I go up in flames.”

“You knew even then?” I didn’t think it was possible, but her shoulders slouch even more, and she seems so fragile. So…broken. Bloody fucket. How did I do this to her?

Her sad smile is more of a grimace when her gaze finally finds mine. “I warned you.” She chuckles. The sound is heartbreaking.

“But I feel it too. I…”

“I thought about this all night, Lochlan. When you love, you love with your whole heart, I have no doubt about that. But you can’t be in love with anyone until you love yourself, forgive yourself, and let go of whatever hate has your heart locked in a fortress.”

Her phone dings, and she glances down, then stands before I’m ready.

“You’re leaving?”

“My car is outside. We’re parting on good terms, lover. I don’t think you even realize all you gave me these past weeks.”

“What?” It’s hoarse, and my voice cracks with emotion I didn’t think possible. “What have I given you?”

“You made me feel seen. And safe. You gave me confidence. You’re an extraordinary man, Lochlan. I hope you find your way out of the dark or someone that can lead the way.”