Without You (Love Wanted in Texas #1)(57)

“The truth—that you’ve been spending a lot of time with this Blake guy. Do you have feelings for him, Alex?”

“No! Well, yes…I mean, no. Damn it!” I shouted as I stood up. Spinning around, I looked at Libby. “I don’t know. I don’t have feelings for him like I have for Will, but something is there. I just keep hearing these voices in my head. I don’t know what to do, Libby. I love Will. I want Will, but when I’m around Blake, I…I want…”

“Him?”

The tears were pouring down my face. “I don’t think so. Sometimes, Will sends me these text messages. They drive me insane with lust, and then I’ll see Blake, and I get these weird feelings. I’m not sure if I’m just missing Will, or if I…if I…”

“If you have feelings for Blake.”

“Alex?”

I looked up and saw my father standing there. This was his fault. It was his damn voice in my head that I’d kept listening to.

“This is your fault,” I said.

My father looked shocked. “Excuse me?”

“You made me go to UT when you knew I wanted to go to A&M. I hate UT! I hate it! If I had been with Will at A&M, none of this would have happened. I hate you!” I pushed past my father and ran down the stairs.

“Alexandra Eryn! You stop right now!” my mother called out.

I ran past Colt and out the back door. I needed to find Will. I needed to get fresh air.

I ran into the barn, and Banjo poked his head out of his stall. I grabbed a lead rope, and then I walked into his stall, clipped it on, and led him out. I jumped up on him and began riding him bareback. I let Banjo lead the way as I sobbed and fought to catch my breath.

I wasn’t sure how long I had been out riding Banjo. I just sat on him, feeling numb. When he made his way to the river, I jumped off and stood there. I watched him graze on the grass. I dropped his lead, and I walked over to a tree. I slowly slid down it and stared out at the river. I had no tears left.

I leaned my head back and replayed the whole thing over again in my head. I thought of every single thing Will had heard and how it must have sounded to him.

I closed my eyes and whispered, “Will, please come back to me. Please.”

I felt something hitting my boot, and I opened my eyes to see Banjo. I smiled and looked up at my giant beauty. “I can always count on you, boy. Isn’t that right?”

He began bobbing his head up and down, and I let out a giggle.

I stood up and began running my hands along his side and back. “Oh, Banjo, I really messed things up.” I buried my face into my horse and softly cried.

“Alex? You feel like company?”

I looked up and saw my father. I walked over to him, and he pulled me into his arms. I completely fell apart. My legs gave out on me, and we both slowly hit the ground. He pulled me onto his lap and held me while I cried.

“Alex, please don’t cry, baby.”

“Daddy, he’s gone. He left me.”

He began rocking me while I attempted to settle down.

“Shh…baby girl. Please, please don’t be upset.”

I pulled back and looked into my father’s eyes. “I didn’t…I didn’t mean it when I said…when I said I hated you. Daddy, I didn’t mean it.”

He pulled me back into him. “I know, Alex. I know.”

“I love him, Daddy. I love him so much, and I hurt him so bad.”

He pulled back and placed his finger under my chin. “Alex, from what I understand, Will didn’t give you a chance to explain. Just give him time to cool down, sweetheart.”

I tried to smile. “Daddy, I kept hearing your voice over and over in my head. I tried liking UT, Daddy. I have to be honest with you though. I hate it. I hate it with a passion.”

Daddy laughed and nodded his head. “Jeff told me that Grace told him the same thing.”

“I don’t want you to hate me, but this is not what I want.”

My father swallowed hard. “Let’s get back on the horses and ride.”

We stood, and he helped me up onto Banjo. He got up on Crazy Eight. We began walking, and for the first few minutes, we rode along in silence.

“Alex, I had so many dreams for you. Since you were little, I think I had your whole life planned out. Your mother used to tell me that it was your life and not mine, but I knew you would do what I said, and that’s how I always thought. Seeing you this weekend, seeing how unhappy you are, makes me realize that it’s not my life to plan. It’s your life. We only learn lessons in life by making mistakes. I was trying too hard to keep you from making any, but I made the biggest one of all. I tried to tell you how and why you should live your life the way I wanted you to.”

I looked straight ahead and let what my father was saying soak in.

“Alex, I’m no longer going to tell you what I think you should do. I’m going to leave it up to you to decide what to do. It’s your life, your future, your dreams—not mine.”

I glanced back at him and smiled. “Grace and I talked about it. We were going to wait and talk to you and Uncle Jeff together, but I’m thinking now is a good time.”

He smiled and winked at me. “I do believe Grace has already talked to her daddy.”

I laughed. “I’m not surprised. She utterly hates UT.”