Wife Number Seven (The Compound, #1)(17)

When I woke from my dream, I sank to the floor, perching myself on my knees, praying to Heavenly Father to forgive me for my sins. To forgive my unclean thoughts about a man who wasn’t kind to me. He took the Lord’s name in vain and even yelled a few times. But his touch, the way it felt on the skin of my wrist . . . it was a mixture of fire and ice, both a push and a pull, simultaneously a scream and a whisper. His eyes, the way they softened and looked protective when he raised his concerns about my pills.

He intrigued me.

Enough to dream about. Bad thoughts. Good thoughts. Him touching me in other areas. Not just the soft inner skin of my wrist where he could feel my blood pulsing, flowing, my body trembling.

His hands were everywhere in my thoughts.

Everywhere.

When I woke, I was throbbing. My hand moved to that part of me only Lehi had touched.

What was that?

Young girls in our community weren’t taught about sex, not even the least little bit. All we were told was that it must be reserved for our husband. That was all, and it wasn’t nearly enough.

My wedding night was proof of that . . .

? ? ?

My first time with Lehi had been frightening, uncomfortable, and awkward. I was nineteen, and we’d just been married in the common area of the Cluff home. Our honeymoon was two nights away at a motel in Colorado City. Money was tight, but it was important to Lehi that all of his wives be given special alone time after their celestial vows.

The bedding of the motel room gave me hives. It was an odd tan color with swirls of chocolate and cream tones. The ivory-colored sheets smelled of mildew, and even now, three years later, I could smell it when I remembered that night.

“Would you like to watch television?” Lehi had asked when we’d settled into the drafty room.

“Um . . .” My mouth was agape, not knowing if my new husband was testing my loyalty to the laws of our church. Television was not allowed—was he tricking me?”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. I watch when I travel for work. It’s actually entertaining.”

“Oh,” I said, having never seen anything on a television screen before. “Whatever you like.”

Lehi had stripped himself of his jacket, draping it on the armchair in the corner, and grabbed a small black device from the table. He pressed a button and the machine turned on! I’d never seen anything like it.

Lehi chuckled. “Have you never seen a television before, my dear?”

I shook my head. “No, sir.”

“Your mother never took you to Walmart? Or Target?”

“Yes, sir, she did. But we weren’t allowed in that section of the store. Sometimes when we were in the baby section, we could hear the televisions, but I never saw them. And I have no idea what that is,” I said, gesturing to the small machine in his hand.

“It’s a remote. Watch.” He pressed a button on it that made the television pause and then change to another program. “You know,” he said, “we can rent a movie.”

“Rent?”

“Yes, they have movies. Special ones that might help.”

“Help?” I didn’t understand. “What could we possibly need help with?”

“Us.” He walked to me and placed his hand on my shoulder, a half smile peeking out from behind his beard. “The movies will show you how to please me. You want to please me, don’t you, Brinley?”

My nerves stood on end and my breathing quickened. I knew what response he expected, so I nodded.

“Good. A movie it is.”

He walked to the television set, inspecting a cardboard advertisement of some type. Retrieving the small remote once again, he punched in several numbers and I gasped as three naked people appeared on the screen, two women and one man. I’d never seen a man’s penis before, or other women’s breasts or private areas.

My stomach churned and I looked to Lehi for answers when one woman climbed on top of the man and began rocking up and down on him. Was that what he wanted me to do? Rock on top of him? Was that what sex was?

The other woman stroked her hands over his back as she watched the two together, which disturbed me. All my life, I’d been told that sex was saved for your husband. Not your husband and another person. Who was this woman and why was she taking part in this intimate act between husband and wife?

“They’re actors,” Lehi said. “Just watch them and when you’re turned on, tell me. Then we’ll begin.”

“Turned on?”

Lehi laughed again and crossed the room, running his hand over my French braid. “You’re so young, aren’t you? I have so much to teach you.”

“I—”

I didn’t have a chance to answer him because he thrust his mouth against my lips, and forced them apart with his tongue. His teeth crashed into mine as he thrust his tongue into my mouth. I gasped at the aggressive nature of his touch—Lehi had always been kind and gentle with me, but this was a new side of him that I hadn’t seen. Fear built in my gut as I wondered how this would progress.

“I want you,” he whispered when he finally removed his mouth from mine.

The sounds of moaning came from the television, and I could feel his penis growing hard next to my thigh. I wanted to scream, to run, to hide. But I knew I couldn’t. This was the way to my salvation. To my Heavenly Father’s kingdom.