Wicked Need (The Wicked Horse Series Book 3)(17)

And yes… Rand doesn’t know me all that well, but he does get me. “The Silo is complicated for me, but no… joining was all Samuel’s idea. Like I said, he didn’t let his friends and associates have me all that often, and what I came to quickly realize was that Samuel got off on watching me debased. Sure… it garnered him favor with his friends, but really… he gave me to those men because he liked watching me suffer.”

“The Silo… you mostly did gang bangs,” Rand mutters as his gaze drifts a bit to the side in contemplation. “We all thought… I mean… we just assumed that was your thing. You liked multiple guys. But it was Samuel who insisted on it.”

“Yes,” I say simply.

His eyes come back to me filled with guilt. “I’m sorry,” he whispers hoarsely. “I wouldn’t have… I don’t think anyone there would have done that to you if we knew you didn’t like it.”

I can’t stand to see him feel guilt over something he had absolutely no knowledge of, so I need to make sure he understands that nothing about me is simple. “Rand… you couldn’t have known. No one did. And like I said… it’s complicated. There was a part of me, deep down inside, that sometimes liked what was being done to me. Sometimes, I’d be getting drilled by one man with another one waiting and I’d look at Samuel… and rather than see that smug satisfaction on his face, I’d sometimes see a kernel of jealousy. Another man was f*cking his wife while he couldn’t. He’d sit there, limp dicked and unable to get off on the spectacle, and I swear to God, Rand… I’m not sure if it makes me a monster or what, but that would make me get off. Thinking of that sadist suffering while I was getting f*cked raw would give me mind-blowing orgasms.”

“Jesus Christ,” Rand growls again, and then he’s pulling me roughly into his arms. He wraps himself around me, pressing me into his chest.

I manage to turn my face to the side so my cheek is resting over his heart and tell him, “It wasn’t all bad. All the guys at The Silo were really nice.”

He makes a sound deep in his chest. I’m not sure what it signifies, but his arms wrap around me tighter. “If that f*cker wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him for you, Cat. I swear I would.”

I smile over his declaration, but I know he doesn’t mean it. I’m not worth killing someone over.

“Is there anything else I need to know?” Rand asks without loosening his hold on me.

“Isn’t that enough to give me nightmares about Samuel?” I ask, sort of tongue in cheek, but also as a means of perhaps avoiding one other ugly truth I’m thinking might be best left untold.

Rand’s silent for a moment, but then he says, “You trusted me with something deeply personal, but I need it all, Cat. How can I chase away your demons if I don’t know what they all are?”

My body goes utterly still, and then a phenomenon happens to me that has never happened before in my life.

My heart literally f*cking melts within my chest.

I blink my eyes hard to chase away the sting of tears I feel forming over a man I barely know who is telling me he’s my champion. It’s unbelievable to me.

“Cat,” Rand prompts me. “Anything else?”

Giving a cough, I clear my throat and pull back so I can look him in the eye. I tell him perhaps the worst of it. “His oldest son, Kevin. He shared me with him quite a bit. Favorite son and all.”

He doesn’t say a word to me, but I can feel the fury vibrating off him. Rand’s eyes turn practically red and his jaw locks so tight that the muscle jumps violently. But because he has shown he cares for me, and doesn’t want to make this more upsetting than it already is, he keeps his silence and merely hugs me in commiseration.

A hug.

How novel.

How soothing.

I may not have much experience with them, but I’m finding they’re warm and secure, and I feel like I could sleep without nightmares if Rand’s arms are around me.





Chapter 7


Rand



It’s barely seven in the morning. I don’t need to open the shop for three hours, but I have important shit to do. I slip quietly out of my apartment, leaving Cat sleeping in my bed. I hope she continues to sleep for hours to come because I know she’s exhausted. Not only did I completely wear her body out last night, but also after she told me about that shit with her motherf*cking-dead-but-want-to-kill-him-again husband, we stayed up and talked. Eventually, I settled us back down and pulled her close to me. Her body fit against mine naturally, and it felt better than right.

I may spend a lot of time at a sex club, but I’m not one of these guys with emotional barriers who uses no-strings sex as a way to keep women at arm’s length. I’m an actual snuggler to the core. I don’t care if it’s a one-night stand or the love of your life. After sex, there’s nothing better than spooning and drifting off to sleep.

So tucking Cat into me felt natural. I didn’t give it a second thought. I just held her tight and we talked until she could get it all out.

Have to say, I admire the f*ck out of that girl. She didn’t shed a tear even though I could hear in her voice how disgusting it was for her to relay that stuff to me. She’s tough as nails and it’s true what I said… she did what she had to do to survive.