Whispers of You (Lost & Found #1)(45)

I stared out at the lake with intense focus. The rippling water was far better than the temptation of Holt’s face.

“It’s a beautiful spot.”

I pulled my legs onto the chair and crossed them, depositing my food in my lap. “I’m partial to it.”

“How long have you lived here?”

Spinning a french fry between my fingers, I fought the urge to look at Holt. “Almost five years now. Gran and I had a place in town before that.”

Because she’d dropped everything when she heard about the shooting and moved to Cedar Ridge. When it became obvious that my parents had no plans to stay put, even though I’d been through a horrific trauma, she moved me in with her.

Holt was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry you lost her.”

I jerked, my gaze going to him now. “How’d you know?”

He plucked at his burger bun. “I kept an eye on things from afar.”

Those icy claws of grief and rage dug into my heart again. “But you didn’t even call when you knew she was gone?”

Holt knew better than anyone how much Gran had meant to me. Other than him, she was my lifeline. When she passed, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep going.

Pain flashed across his face. “I went to the funeral. I almost talked to you, but you had so many people around you, and I didn’t know if my presence would make things worse.”

My heart thudded against my ribs. “You were there?”

I searched back to the day of the memorial. A cemetery outside of Seattle where my grandfather was buried, too. It had been gray and dreary—so fitting. And there had been so many people. Because Gran was loved like crazy. Holt could’ve easily slipped through the crowd without being noticed.

“I loved her, too. Mostly because she loved you so damn much.”

The ache was almost too much. It was easier to think Holt had stayed away because he hadn’t wanted me, not because he’d loved me too much. Easier to think that he hadn’t thought about me once since he’d left, not that he’d kept tabs and been a ghost around the edges of my life.

“Why?” I croaked.

A sad smile played on his lips. “Not sure you’re ready for that answer, Cricket.”





21





HOLT





Nash inclined his head to the cupholder in the center of his SUV. “No wonder you asked for an extra-large. You look like crap.”

I grunted as I grabbed the cup and took a long drink. “Gee, thanks.”

I knew I looked like death warmed over. Even Wren had looked a little worried when she took in my face before leaving for work this morning. But that was what happened when you were being tortured by thoughts of the person who was everything to you lying in a bed just steps away from your room. Sleep had not happened.

Nash chuckled. “At least you know I won’t bullshit you.”

“At least there’s that.”

He eased to a stop at the main road, reaching back to scratch Shadow under the chin. “How’d you convince Little Williams to let you take her dog?”

Shadow’s tongue lolled out of her mouth as she happily panted.

“I think Shadow might make a good SAR dog. I told Wren I would try to do some basic training with her. That’s why I asked Law to bring Dad today, too.”

Nash nodded. “You need Maddie to make real progress with her.”

“You talk to her lately?”

Nash’s fingers tightened on the wheel. “Yeah, every now and then. Still in Atlanta with that doofus.”

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from grinning. “You thought every guy Maddie dated was either a creep or a doofus.”

“Probably because they were,” Nash muttered.

Or maybe because my brother had never been able to pull his head out and realize that he was in love with his best friend. “When’s the last time you saw her?”

“I dunno. Like two years ago.”

My brows rose at that. “That’s a long time for her to not come back for a visit.” Even though Maddie’s family situation had been less than stellar, she had good friends here and deep ties to Cedar Ridge.

That telltale muscle in his jaw started to tick. “I think he keeps her pretty busy with events for his non-profit and stuff.”

“That’s a bummer.”

Nash’s knuckles bleached as he gripped the steering wheel even tighter. “Why does everyone have to go off and change things? Our life was good the way it was, wasn’t it?”

I looked at my brother. “You miss her.”

“I miss the hell out of her, and it pisses me off that she had to go and get engaged to some dude who lives across the country.”

I opened my mouth to try to knock some sense into him, and then I thought about how many people had tried to talk to me about Wren—all my siblings except Roan. My parents. My right hand at my company. None of it had done any good. It’d only pissed me off. The only one who could change things for me was me. I had to be ready to come back here and face things.

Maybe ready wasn’t the right word. Nothing could have prepared me to face Wren again. But I had to be willing to live through all the pain for a chance to make things right.

Nash glanced over at me. “What’s wrong?”