Whispers of You (Lost & Found #1)(20)

That honey hit somewhere deep—the familiarity of it. An honorary mother in a town full of them, always looking out for their chicks.

“I’ll take the turkey melt. Haven’t had one worth a damn since I left.”

She tapped her notepad on my shoulder. “We’ll get you squared away. Don’t you fear.”

“Thanks.”

Jude leaned back in his seat and took me in, searching. “So, how’s it feel being back?”

“Weird.” It was the only thing I could give him at the moment. I wasn’t about to open my mess of a head to friends I hadn’t seen in a decade. They didn’t need to know how I’d lost it last night or that I hadn’t slept a wink because every time I started to drop off, my dreams were filled with blood.

“I bet.” Jude’s eyes flashed with a mischievous glint. “How’s the B&B?”

He accentuated each letter as he spoke, and I scowled in his direction. “How do you think?”

Jude burst into laughter, and Chris let out a begrudging chuckle.

Jude shot me a devilish grin. “We’ve already heard that you requested no maid service on your room and that you had oatmeal and fruit for breakfast. Janice is worried that you’re not getting enough to eat, tortured soul that you are.”

I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. “What is wrong with that woman?”

“Too many years of watching the daytime soaps. Now, everything’s a saga to her,” Jude shot back.

I let my hand drop. “Either of you know of a vacation rental that would take a tenant for a couple of months?”

Chris’s brows rose. “You’re staying that long?”

“That’s the plan right now. But if my dad’s welcome was any indication, I’m not sure it’s the best idea.”

Jude studied me for a minute. “He missed you.”

My throat burned. “I talked to him every week.” There’d been increased tension in the conversations over the past year, but I’d had no idea my dad was that upset with me.

“It’s not the same as being here. He’s struggling to get back on his feet, and he’s taking that out on you because he’s hurt, not because he doesn’t care.”

I grabbed my root beer and took a healthy drink. “Well, I’m here now. I’m trying to make things right.”

Chris sent Jude a sidelong glance. “It’ll take time for people to see that. You can’t just expect them to fall in line because you said you’re staying.”

“I know that,” I clipped.

Chris held up both hands. “I’m just trying to explain where folks might be coming from.”

Air hissed from between my teeth. “I know. I didn’t handle things well.” I met the gazes of the two men at the table. “I’m sorry I bailed on our friendship. Neither of you deserved that.”

Jude stared in my direction. “You were going through a lot. It couldn’t have been easy.”

“I was just trying to keep my head above water. A clean slate seemed like the best thing for everyone at the time. But I know I hurt a lot of people in the process. Handled things in a messed-up way.”

Chris studied me. “Wren know how you feel?”

Her name was like fire in my veins, washing through me and leaving a trail of ash in its wake. “I don’t think Wren cares much how I feel. And I get it.”

Jude scoffed. “I really thought a decade away would make you less of a moron.”

My head snapped in his direction. “Excuse me?”

“The girl’s still in love with you. Never stopped for a damn second. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her go on more than a handful of dates with someone. Won’t let anyone in her life even utter your name.”

There weren’t words for the riot of emotions going to war in my chest. Half of the sensations couldn’t be defined, but the few that could were dangerous. Hope. Grief. Want. Anguish.

“Just because she hasn’t met the right person yet doesn’t mean she won’t.” Each word shredded my throat on the way out. But it was a pain I deserved. And one I would experience time and again if it meant that Cricket was happy. Safe.

A straw pelted me in the face. “What the hell, man?”

Chris shook his head. “Jude’s right. You are more of a moron than when you left. Woman like that? She’s once-in-a-lifetime.”

“I know that,” I growled. I’d already concluded a long time ago that I would never love someone the way I’d loved Wren—the way I still loved her. Because it didn’t matter if it had been ten days or ten years. A love like that ruined you for all others.

Jude’s eyes narrowed on me. “A woman like that who still loves you after you walked out of her life at the worst possible time? That’s a damn miracle. You don’t appreciate it, and I’m pretty sure God is going to strike you down.”

He was welcome to do it. There was a reason I always took the riskiest jobs. The worst assignments on those jobs. I’d made a habit of tempting fate, giving it plenty of chances to take me out. To pay the price for all the ways I’d let down the person who mattered the most.

“You should talk to her,” Jude said quietly.

“Don’t think that would go over too well. What we had… It’s gone.”