While I Was Away(36)

“I hate it,” she breathed.

“Excuse me?”

“I hate closing my eyes.”

He reached out and patted her leg comfortingly.

“You don't have to be scared. You're not going anywhere. I won't let you.”

She turned to look at him again.

“I hate it because I know when I open them, I'll still be here. And I want to be back there.”

And in that moment, Ocean discovered what it felt like to have his heart break for somebody.





20




The hospital had no more reasons to keep her. They'd done all the tests they could think of – she'd been scanned more times than she could count. Her lungs and rib cage were fine (she couldn't remember them not being fine), she was almost walking at a normal pace (at least she wasn't falling over anymore), and overall, she was a healthy girl. They had to let her go home.

Home. What does that even mean? Certainly not happiness.

Charlie had had been incredibly understanding and had of course immediately offered to bring her back to their apartment. She didn't want to go home with her parents and brothers – couldn't bear the idea of their constant scrutiny – but she also didn't want Charlie having any false hopes. They were done, their three year relationship a pale memory in comparison to what she'd had in her dreams.

When she'd explained that to him, very bluntly, she'd been shocked to see his relief. Then he'd explained himself. The hours surrounding the accident were still fuzzy, so he told her about how they'd been at a birthday party. When she'd asked whose, he'd turned several shades of red, and a light bulb had gone off over her head.

“You like someone else.”

“We talked about it right before we got in the car. I'm so sorry.”

She'd almost laughed out loud. He was sorry? She'd gone and fallen in love with a possible figment of her imagination. Out of the two of them, Charlie wasn't the guilty party.

He eventually told her about their break-up conversation, which she couldn't fully remember, but she could still feel that he was telling the truth. Later, Zoey would also confirm it – Adele had texted her right before the accident.

She teased him about it, joking that if she didn't remember it completely, then it didn't count. He couldn't get rid of her that easily! He'd laughed, then assured her that couple or not, she was always welcome in his – their – apartment anytime she wanted.

Home is in a land far, far away, and I'm terrified that with each day I'm gone, I'll get further and further away.

Being in their apartment made her feel uncomfortable, though. She stayed in the guest room, and Charlie stayed in the master, and she took every opportunity she could to escape out into the world.

Which was how she ended up out on a “girls' night” with her best friend.

“You sure you're okay?”

Adele glanced down at Zoey.

“I'm fine.”

“Still ... just want to make sure.”

They were in a busy sports bar down the street from Zoey's apartment. It had been six weeks since Adele had woken up, and her friend had insisted that it was high time coma-girl got her ass back into the swing of things.

Which apparently meant getting drunk.

Adele knew it was a ploy, though. Zoey was just worried about her. Hell, everyone was worried. Because despite what the doctors had said in the beginning, Adele's mental state was not improving. If anything, Adele was getting worse.

But if pretending to be happy and consuming alcohol would make everyone shut up for five minutes, then she was willing to play along.

“So how are you? I feel like I haven't seen you in ...” Adele's voice trailed off as she realized how stupid that sounded.

“Forever?” Zoey laughed. “Just about. Sorry I haven't been around much this past month, I got promoted at work.”

“No worries. They told me you visited me a lot at the hospital. That you painted my nails,” Adele smiled.

“Yup. Once a week. And your toes. You owe me.”

“I do.”

“If I'm ever in a coma, I want Brazilians every two weeks.”

“No one can ever be that much in debt,” Adele burst out laughing.

“Please, I don't want a wolf-puss while I'm out. I saw the kinds of doctors and nurses you had strutting through your room. I want to look good,” Zoey insisted, sending Adele into another laughing jag.

“Well, I guess it's good to know I was surrounded by a bunch of hotties.”

They were silent for a while after that, both sipping at their drinks and looking around the crowded space. It was kind of sad, really. Adele and Zoey had always had good times together. She wished it could be like that again.

But that part of Adele was gone – it was at the bottom of a cliff somewhere, under a massive pile of roots and rock and rubble.

“I believe you, you know,” Zoey suddenly blurted out.

“Hmmm?” Adele hadn't been paying attention. Her brain was busy sorting through the ruins of her memories.

“I believe you when you say you were somewhere else. That place you talk about. I kept telling your brothers you were just away somewhere, and that you would come back when you were ready. They didn't believe me, either,” her friend assured her.