Where Shadows Meet(100)
“They still say it will be a miracle if he pulls through.” Hannah clutched her hands together. “How’s Caitlin?”
“Gina has her. She’s asking for her daddy.”
“I don’t think she should see him like this. Hannah glanced back at the battered man in the bed. He hardly looked like the Matt she knew and loved.
“But what if he dies, Hannah? Wouldn’t you want a chance to say goodbye if it were your daddy?”
The question hit Hannah hard. She did wish she could have kissed her parents one last time, could have smelled her mother’s hair to imprint it on her memory. She didn’t have the right to keep Caitlin from her father. She resituated her grip on her hope. “I won’t let him die.”
Angie put her hand on Hannah’s cheek. “He’s been shot in the stomach, girl. He’s got liver damage, intestinal damage. You’ve got to face facts.”
“I’m facing facts. I know he’s not going to die. Listen, I’ve got to get back to him.”
“What about Caitlin?”
Somehow the thought of letting Caitlin see her daddy like this made Hannah grit her teeth. She would not give up. “Not yet,” she said. “Maybe when he wakes up.”
Angie squeezed Hannah’s arm. “I’ll bring you a sandwich this evening. You want anything now?”
“No, I’m not hungry.” The thought of food made her shudder. She just wanted Matt to open his eyes and look at her with that gaze that told her he could swallow her whole. The expression that said he saw her. Just as she was, warts and all. And loved what he saw.
She’d just returned to the bed to take his hand when she heard another tap at the doorjamb. This time the doorway crowded with Amish friends and family: Luca, Sarah, the bishop, cousins, friends. At least twenty people stood outside in the hallway.
Hannah stepped to the door to greet them. “What’s going on?”
“We’ve come to pray for Matt,” Luca said. “He’s a good man, Hannah.”
She could hardly speak past the boulder in her throat. “Yes. Yes, he is,” she managed. When she stepped to the side, the group filed into the room and surrounded the bed. When she joined them, they made room for her at Matt’s side. She held his hand while her friends gathered round and stood in silent prayer.
They had to have hired several drivers to bring them here. Even by car, Indianapolis was an hour away. She closed her eyes and prayed too, asking for forgiveness for all the bitterness she’d carried, for her unforgiving spirit. And she especially prayed for Matt. When she opened her eyes, only she and Matt remained in the room. The Amish had left as quietly as they’d come.
She squeezed his hand. “Open your eyes, Matt.” His lashes didn’t move. The machines continued to hum and beep around her. She laid her head on the bed beside his hand. She was going to lose him, and she deserved that kind of loss. But Caitlin deserved more. What could she offer God in exchange for Matt’s life? She would give her own happiness for his. Didn’t God always demand a sacrifice? What better sacrifice than giving up her daughter?
Raising her head, she stared at Matt’s face. No change. Stepping into the hall, she pulled out her cell phone and called Angie, who tried to argue with her, then finally agreed to do what she wanted.
“HANNAH, DON’T GO through with it.” Angie paced the hall outside the hospital room.
“I have to.” Hannah scribbled her name on the paper and handed it to Gina, who stood watching them.
“He wouldn’t want you to do this,” Gina said. She put the paper in her purse. “I don’t understand.”
Gina looked drawn and exhausted. In addition to Matt’s tenuous grip on life, her husband and Vanessa had been arrested for theft. The woman’s pregnancy was a lie as well.
Hannah squeezed Gina’s hand. “He loves his daughter. She’s his more than mine. I—I’d like to say goodbye, though.”
“She’s in the waiting room with Irene.”
“I want to explain it to Matt. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Hannah left them and went back to the room, where he still lay unresponsive. After three days, the doctors held out little hope. His skin had begun to take on a yellowish cast. She couldn’t delay much longer.
She took his hand and brought it to her lips. “I love you, Matt. You’ve taught me so much about honor and unconditional love. I’ve signed Caitlin over to you. She’s yours free and clear.” Her voice broke, and she leaned closer to take one last whiff of his male scent, to brush her lips across his. “I’ve made a deal with God. We Amish believe in putting other people first. Sometimes I’ve forgotten that. But this time, I’m going to do it right. I’m putting you and Caitlin first. I believe if I make this sacrifice, he’ll let you live. I’m going to leave here, and you’ll never find me. Don’t try, my love. Something terrible might happen if you make me break my promise to God. I know you’ll give our daughter a good life. A happy life.”
Her vision blurred, and she found it hard to keep going when all she wanted to do was bury her face in his neck and never leave. She wet her lips. “Goodbye, Matt. You deserve the best of what life has to offer. Be happy. I’ll always love you.” She pressed another kiss against his skin and turned to go before she could change her mind.