Where Lightning Strikes (Bleeding Stars #3)(49)

He made no secret of the fact he was referring to Tamar. Like I could ever actually have her. Like I could ever be with her the way she deserved.

Anger and hurt rolled over me like a heavy, roiling storm. Closing in. I could feel myself coming unhinged. Fiber by fiber. Memory by memory. It was a loss so intense it almost knocked me to my knees.

Fuck.

I wanted to scream. To beat something or someone.

I shouldered passed Ash before I did something stupid like launch myself at him.

The f*cked-up thing was he was the same guy part of me couldn’t help but blame, even though I knew none of it was his fault.

All of it was on me.

“Lyrik, man, come on…don’t f*cking do that,” Ash called behind me. “For once, stop being a f*cking hothead and listen. All of us…we just care about you.”

Care.

Nice.

Glad he was doing such a bang-up job of caring in front of those who had no business in any of it. Bringing it out into the open for them to see. Shedding light on what was written on me like the blackest stain.

“Lyrik,” he shouted.

I ignored him because I was finished with his bullshit. I shoved through the old-fashioned double doors that led to the massive kitchen and stormed into the renovated space that was larger than the apartment I was renting.

Inside, it was dark. Except for the moonlight streaming in from the big windows overlooking the sprawling backyard, the milky rays striking against the silver flecks in the white and gray granite countertops.

Pressing my palms to the island that took up the center, I dropped my head between my shoulders and tried to catch my breath. To purge the memories from my mind. To stop the barrage of images from slaying me. Cutting me in two. To stop the assault of their faces that struck me again and again.

Thunderbolt after thunderbolt.

The loss.

The loss.

The loss.

The swinging door creaked and let in a flood of light as it opened, before it swung closed.

I was no longer alone.

The air grew thick. A charged intensity shimmered through the room. It only added to my agitation.

The girl was doing her best to completely destroy me.

“Go,” I gritted out.

I squeezed my eyes closed.

Shuttin’ the world out.

It was for the f*cking best. And I sure as hell didn’t need her to see me this way.

Pissed and vulnerable and hurting. But it seemed ever since she made her way into my life, all of it was there, just simmering below the surface.

High heels clicked on the wooden floor. Blood pulsed through my veins, harsh and hard. Beating faster and faster with every step of her slow, guarded approach.

My lungs squeezed.

She hesitated, her presence full and soothing and probably one of the damned most frightening things I’d ever felt.

I couldn’t do this. I needed to f*cking stop before I f*cked this up more than I already had. Before my guilt grew greater and I had nothing left to stand on.

She wrapped her arms around me from behind.

I stuttered out a breath.

God, she felt so good.

She pressed her face to the middle of my back.

“It goes both ways, you know.” Her voice swam through the room, honey and warmth. My body processed it like a song.

“I was so alone. Not just lonely, Lyrik. But alone. Hollow. Without anyone who understood. And then there was you…this beautiful, terrifying man who was pushing his way into my life. Demanding I let him see me for who I really was and not what everyone else saw. Now I’m standing here begging him to invite me into his. To let me see.”

I gripped her hands that held tight to my stomach. “You can’t go there, Blue.”

Over my shirt, she scattered a bunch of light kisses across my back. Still, they singed and scorched and seared.

Scarring as she silently begged.

“Blue.” I took her by one wrist and pulled her in front of me. “You walk into the room…”

I swallowed over the lump in my throat when I saw the complete understanding on her face. Lifting her, I set her on the edge of the island and forced my way between her legs that were eager to accept me.

I cupped her face. “You walk in the room and I don’t recognize myself. I forget who I am. Forget who I’m supposed to be.”

Blue eyes searched my face and she flattened her palm across my racing heart. “Maybe you’re finally beginning to see who you really are.” Her voice softened. “The man I see when I look at you.”

My mouth came down hard on hers to stop her from talking.

I drove my fingers into all that silky red.

I kissed her mad.

Just like she was driving me.

Tongue and teeth and desperation.

Fuck.

This was stupid.

Needing her this way.

But I felt like if I moved back even a fraction, I wouldn’t be able to breathe. That if I let any space come between us, it would be the end. That without this I couldn’t take one more step.

Which was why I should walk the f*ck away.

Instead I slid my hands down her sides and wrapped her legs around my waist. She sighed a greedy sigh and crossed her ankles at my lower back.

Then the girl rubbed herself on my straining dick.

Torment roared like the howl of a wildfire in my ears.

Deafening, consuming flames.