Where Lightning Strikes (Bleeding Stars #3)(48)

Silence fell over the entire living room. Tension whipped through and filled up the old walls, a dense cloud of it sagging from the ceiling, making it hard to breathe.

Guess I really should have said something earlier. Their shock was palpable.

Stagnant.

As if any of them could think for even a second I could walk away.

Confusion and anger pulled tight across Ash’s face. “And why the f*ck does he think you’d go and do something like that?”

Warily, I looked around the room, gauging how much to say. Sebastian was on the couch, still as stone, like he was preparing himself for what I was getting ready to say.

I gestured to him with my chin. “Banik seems to think Baz isn’t going to stick around all that long, and I might as well cut my losses before Sunder goes south.”

And maybe it was f*cked up, because I was staring Baz down while I said it, searching for his reaction, just waiting for which way this was going to play out. Wondering how I was going to feel.

Because I was willing to let him go.

I wouldn’t even put up a fight.

Maybe it was more of that selfishness. The need to pay off a little part of my debt. Or maybe it was because I cared enough that I actually wanted him happy. Part of me wanted him to make a break for it because I’d been feeling him needing to cut ties for a long damned time.

Why wouldn’t he when he had something so damned good?

Baz shook his head. “Asshole has not a clue what he’s talking about.” His gaze bounced between Zee and Ash and me. “Any of you really think I’d up and leave without warning? Without talking this through? We’ve been through too much shit together for that to ever happen. Banik is full of shit. Anything he’s trying to lure Lyrik away with is nothin’ but assumption.”

My eyes flicked between him and Shea and her belly, and the words were tumbling out before I could stop them. “Baz, man, you know we’ve got your back. Whatever you decide. None of us are going to blame you for leaving, because songs aren’t ever going to be as important as family. We owe you that.”

Five years ago, I’d promised him I’d be there while he was in jail. I’d promised I’d take care of the band in his place. Watch over his brother. Make sure everything didn’t fall apart when he’d sacrificed and gave me the one moment I wasn’t ever supposed to have.

I’d do it again. And I’d keep doing it.

Still, admitting it out loud felt like I was stabbing myself in my own damned back.

I shouldn’t have been offering it right then, anyway. Not with an audience. Not with Shea. Least of all with Blue.

She’d shifted, facing me more. I felt pinned beneath her stare. Beneath all the questions and concern and outright confusion pouring from her. I felt trapped with the way it felt like she were digging her fingers into my skin, sinking in and going deeper.

Invading.

Intruding.

Penetrating.

Fuck.

The entire room jumped when a beer bottle slammed against the wall. It shattered the silence. Shards of glass rained down and pinged across the hardwood floor. My attention flew to Ash who glared down at me from the middle of the room.

Anger.

Disappointment.

Sympathy.

I sucked in a steeling breath.

It was the last I hated most.

I’d dug my own f*cking grave.

“What the f*ck, man?” he accused, head cocking to the side in contention. “You get to make that decision for the whole band? You made it before, remember? You just f*cking walked away and look where that got you.”

I was on my feet before I processed the action. Anger rippled through me on roaring waves, and I was f*cking shaking, trying to hold myself back. Bitterness fell sharp from my tongue. “I came back, and look where that got me. It wasn’t the leaving that was the issue.”

Furiously, he blinked, and he dragged both hands down his face in frustration. “Seriously, man…you think that was because you came back? It was because we were f*cked up. All of us. We f*cked up and a whole ton went to shit. And I know you bore the brunt of it. Lost the most. But five years are gone, man, and you’re still making us pay for it.”

“Ash,” Sebastian uttered a low warning as he untangled himself from Shea and climbed to his feet.

Ash pointed at him. “This needs to be said, Baz. Out loud. Too much time has been spent tiptoeing around this shit. Pretending it doesn’t follow us everywhere we go. Pretending Lyrik isn’t still stuck back in that day.”

He swung his attention back to me. His voice dropped lower and strained with the plea. “It’s time to let it go.”

My entire face pinched. Pain sheered through my chest like that day was yesterday.

Because he was right.

I was still living in that day. I woke up every morning just to die over and over again.

“Let it go?” The words grew louder, my cool evaporating like sizzling mist. “Let it go?” I demanded as I took an incredulous step forward. “I lost everything. Everything. And I’m going to be paying for it for the rest of my life.”

Because there were some things you weren’t ever going to make amends for.

Ash knew better than pulling this shit. Throwing it in my face. Especially with outsiders looking in.

“But that’s what you don’t get,” he said. “You don’t have to keep paying for what you can’t change. And I can’t sit around watching you suffer for one more day. Not when being free of it is right there. Right in front of your face, and you refuse to see it.”