What We Find (Sullivan's Crossing, #1)(46)

“Well, you let them take me, you let them keep me even though all of you knew I wanted to be here. And you—”

“Stop it!” he snapped. “You were a little girl! You needed some things I couldn’t give you, like a decent education! You needed a mother and don’t you dare criticize your mother again—she sacrificed so much for you. I don’t like her but she was damn good to you and she wouldn’t have married Walter if he hadn’t been the best thing for you! And before you lay that on me one more time I want you to think about the sacrifice I made—my own child, gone to another state because it was the best thing. You think you’d be a goddamn surgeon if you’d stayed here where I wanted you to be?”

She broke down. “I thought you didn’t want me. I thought you found me annoying,” she whispered.

“You are annoying! But I loved you with a father’s heart! I wanted more for you! It was terrible. And I wouldn’t change one goddamn thing!”

She put her hands over her face, covering the tears. She was probably ten the last time she cried in front of Sully.

“Maggie, don’t snivel about it. I did the best I could and I apologize if it wasn’t good enough.”

“It was good enough,” she said. “You never say you love me.”

“I just did,” he grumbled. “I’ll say one thing—you never thank me for all the years I did without you for your own damn good. If you had a child, you’d understand.”

I almost did, she thought, emotions overflowing.

“Because I’ll tell you something, Maggie—when you have a child you’ll understand how hard it is when she’s taken from you. I guess I was supposed to grieve for you so you’d be convinced it wasn’t fun for me, but I didn’t want to do that to you. I wanted you to take everything offered you in a good home and not feel the tearing inside when—”

“I just wanted to know that,” she said. “I didn’t know you were protecting me. I thought you were just as happy I was gone so much.”

“So now you have it—I wasn’t one goddamn bit happy about it. But it worked out the way I wanted it to. You made something out of yourself. If you’d stayed around here you’d be bagging groceries and cleaning up campsites.” He shook his head. “You’re welcome.”

“I just wanted to know,” she said.

“Now you know. We gonna let go of this now?”

She nodded and wiped her cheeks.

“I’ll tell you what, girl. You do make a man work hard for it.”

She gave a little huff of laughter. “About Mother,” she said. “She’s a pain in the ass.”

“I know that,” he said, picking up his fork. “At least she’s not my pain in the ass. Now, I want you to tell me something—how long are you planning to stay here and make me pay for all my parenting mistakes?”

She took a breath. “I came for a two-week break. I stayed because I knew that despite all your grumbling, you could use my help. Then my lawyer called and said we’re going to trial. Soon. In a month or so. He said it was perfectly reasonable for me to wait it out here.”

Sully lifted his bushy brows. “Trial?”

“Trial,” she said. “The lawsuit. It’s taking all my energy to keep from running scared.”

“You have nothing to be scared about,” he said. “Walter says you’re one of the best and it will all come to light. Meanwhile, I can stand it a little longer if you’re determined to stay on a bit.”

She laughed. “You certainly know how to suck up, Sully.”

“Don’t I?” he said.





He who is outside the door has already a

good part of his journey behind him.





—Dutch proverb





Chapter 9



Maggie was at peace. She knew her father loved her but what she had really wanted was to know that he had missed her, that her absence had been hard for him. And now that it was laid to rest, she’d think about showing gratitude. Sully had done his best by her and it hadn’t been easy.

And of course Maggie thought about Walter’s visit. She had begun to ask herself if there was any compromise in her situation. Maybe there was a free clinic somewhere that needed her. Or maybe she should just take a year to travel with a medical team to performed badly needed surgeries in places that didn’t have readily available resources. One of those big hospital boats maybe?

She had to admit, the very thought of returning to her field of expertise purely for the joy of operating, especially if people were trying to make it easier instead of harder at every turn, was enticing. She started looking at websites for volunteer medical teams—everything from the Red Cross to Doctors Without Borders.

The days passed more peacefully. She began to fantasize. She’d be in her best physical shape from a summer at the crossing, tighten up those belly muscles, strengthen her legs, study all those medical journals she’d been meaning to go through, even read some of those classic novels Cal seemed so fond of, not that she was thinking about him. Not at all. When the lawsuit was won or settled or—please, God—thrown out, she’d join a hospital ship for a year, traveling the world, saving lives where no one else could be bothered. She’d be operating again. She’d meet new people. They wouldn’t work every second, though they would be in great demand. There would still be time to see the wonders of the world, exotic and romantic places. She’d meet a man, a fascinating and brilliant man. A sexy man, but more reliable than that California Jones, wherever he was. Yes, it would be exciting. Fulfilling.