What Lovers Do(46)

“No. That’s the whole point. That’s what makes Shep World such an amazing place. He doesn’t see Sophie the doormat who has the worst luck with men. He doesn’t see Sophie the woman who is pregnant with someone else’s baby. Because here’s something very important to remember … Jimmy? The baby? They don’t define me. They are not who I am. They are products of my choices, good and bad. Shep sees me. And even if this ends tomorrow, it’s been really amazing to have had him see me and not my life’s decisions.”

Jules laughs, not with me, at me. “This Shep World sounds better than Disney.”

“It is.” I smirk.

“Being upfront with someone implies honesty. But you’re not being honest with him.”

“I’m being completely honest with him. What you mean is transparency. Am I being transparent with him? No. But I’m being honest with him because I’m upfront about not being transparent with him. He knows I’m not telling him about my “real” life. I’ve been vague about the reasons for it. He knows it’s nonnegotiable. He can take me as is for as long as it mutually works for us, or we end it now. And so far, he’s been good with our unconventional, potentially temporary, friendship. Maybe it’s what he needs in his own life. Not everyone’s needs are the same. Not everyone shares the same definition of honesty, transparency, and morality.”

Jules sighs, inching her head side to side. “You should have been a politician.”

“Because I’m a gifted orator?”

“Because you’re full of shit.”

Lying back in my chair, I blow out a long breath. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Fine, let’s do this.”

“Do what?” I ask.

“Tell me all about Shep World. I know you’re dying to share.”

I’m so dying to share.





Friday morning I meet my sister and her husband at the doctor’s office for the first ultrasound.

“How are you feeling, Sophie?” Dr. Munson asks when she enters the room.

“Good.” I smile at Chloe and Mason standing in the corner of the room, holding hands and wearing huge grins. It affirms that I’m doing something completely selfless. If I have a legacy, I’m good with it being this—giving my sister and her husband a baby.

Even if I have kids of my own, this will always feel different. Not more special, just … selfless.

“Nausea?” Dr. Munson asks.

“No.”

“None?” She lifts an eyebrow.

“None.” I shrug.

“Is that alarming?” Chloe asks. “I read that nausea is a sign of a healthy pregnancy.”

“Twenty to thirty percent of women don’t experience it. That doesn’t mean they don’t have healthy pregnancies. Is everyone staying for this?” She glances at Mason specifically, as she dons her gloves.

“We’ll stay at Sophie’s head.” Chloe pulls Mason toward her as I recline back, my lower half covered.

Even though Mason can’t see my naked body, it’s a little weird watching him witness this: the internal ultrasound wand that will go inside of my vagina. Is it weird for him? If it is, he’s not showing any sign of it.

“There’s your baby.” The doctor points to the screen. “And we have a heartbeat.”

The room falls silent except for the rhythm of that tiny heart. Such a miracle. I’m not immune to the emotions in the air.

Mason kisses Chloe’s head as her eyes fill with tears. She grabs my hand and says, “Thank you” with a frog in her throat.

I can’t talk at all. I just nod.

My life is perfect.

My life is messy.

My life is a million miles from any destination I ever imagined.

I guess that’s the purpose. Where’s the fun in knowing where you’re going and how you will get there?

“Do you need anything?” Chloe asks after the doctor and Mason exit the exam room to let me get dressed.

I need Jimmy out of my house. That’s not a request I can make when she has no idea that he’s still living with me. She only knows we broke up—way before we actually did. I swear I’m protecting her more than she’s protecting me, and I’m the pregnant one.

“Vitamins? A spa day? Do all of your clothes still fit?”

I laugh. “The baby is the size of a sweet pea. I’m good. Thanks.”

“But you might have bloating.” Her nose scrunches. “I read that.”

“No nausea. No bloating. All of my clothes fit. I’m eating well and not drinking any alcohol.”

“And you’re not working too much or under any unnecessary stress. Right?”

If she only knew. “Nothing I can’t handle.” I slip on my panties and lower my cotton skirt before sliding on my sandals.

“What about cravings? I can bring you anything you want, any time of the day. If it’s two in the morning and you’re craving something that you don’t have, promise you’ll call me.”

“Chloe.” I press my palms to her face, brushing my fingertips along the short hair by her ears. She’s always had a pixie cut for as long as I can remember. “I know you wish this were you. I know you feel indebted. I know you worry about me and what may or may not happen in the coming months. But I’m good. Your baby is good. If I need anything, I promise you’ll be the first to know.”