Watch Me Fall (Ross Siblings, #5)(85)

“Not that I could see, but there must be some reason—”

“No, I don’t do drugs. I don’t even smoke weed. Brian wouldn’t have it.”

“Oh, Brian wouldn’t have it—”

“For f*ck’s sake, he tried to murder Brian. I thought that established for you that he wasn’t a good guy. And now you’re freaked out?”

“It was plainly established for you that he wasn’t a good guy from the start. It’s one thing to get mixed up with someone who turns out to be scum, but to go into it knowing he’s that dangerous is insane.”

“Come on, say it. I was asking for it, right?”

“No, but why…just why? I don’t get it.”

She gave a defiant toss of her head. “Maybe he’s a great f*ck. Get that?”

The words wouldn’t even compute right away; his brain wouldn’t accept them. He stormed blindly past her, almost reaching the bathroom door before he turned back. “Congratulations. I hope that f*ck was worth it. I really do.”

She only blinked at him, looking small and lost. And he wished as he stripped off his jeans and stepped under the hot shower spray that the water would wash away some of this chaos in his mind. Standing with his hands braced against the wall, he let the stream hit the back of his neck and the tension between his shoulder blades. Nothing would melt the knot there, not for days.

Was that all she cared about? Living wild and free and doing whatever she wanted, damn the consequences? That was fine for her. But if that was the way it was, she need not try her luck here. He’d been through too much shit to waste his time on someone like that. What he could use was some time away—maybe Shelly would let him take the girls to his parents’ lake house for a few days. They could fish, hike the trails, take the boat out. The outdoors never failed to clear his head.

He’d believed in her. Stood up for her.

“Jared?”

Turning his head and peeking over his arm, he could see her vague outline standing on the other side of the fogged shower door. He didn’t answer her, instead grabbing his bottle of shampoo and squeezing out a dollop into his palm. If she wanted to talk, she could talk.

“I know, okay? I’ve heard it all from everyone. Brian and Ghost and Jan and…everyone. You know that. I didn’t listen, I like to think I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself, but this time I got in over my head. What do you want me to say? I’m sorry and I’ll never do it again? I won’t do it again. But I won’t apologize to you, because I didn’t do anything to you. You got involved in this all on your own.”

“That explains why you came here when Brian got attacked.”

“I told you why I did that! I didn’t ask you if I could stay. You told me to stay.”

“You knew I would.”

She flung the shower door open, and suddenly he could see her clearly, her tear-streaked cheeks, her welling eyes. “Bullshit! You think I came here looking for…what, your charity? Your chivalry?” she scoffed. “Motherf*cker, please.”

“Don’t talk to me like that,” he grated, voice low and shaking, and her entire being seemed to pause. He didn’t lift a finger or take a step toward her, but she took two paces back from the look in his eyes, her own wide with surprise. “I’ve never called you names. I’ve never disrespected you like that, and I never would. I’m not one of your drug-addled f*ckboys, Starla, and that won’t fly here.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“Yes, you did.” He turned back to his task, soaping his hair, trying to calm his raging pulse. When seconds ticked by and he refused to look at her, she made a strangled sound and slammed his shower door hard enough to rattle the glass. Then she was gone.

***

Where to go? Where the f*ck should she go? There was always her parents’—nope. Or Julie’s… She barely thought of that place as home anymore, but she guessed it was. With Doug on the couch flinging insults at her and eating them out of house and home. Pathetic. She hadn’t even bothered to look for a new place, which had been on her list of things to do. She was as bad as everyone said, wasn’t she? Fucked-up all the way around, irresponsible, light years away from having her shit together.

She didn’t know what to do, and she couldn’t stop sobbing. She knew Jared could hear her. Embarrassment ate a hole through her stomach as she plowed through her pile of clothes still in the guest room, shoving them into her duffel bag. Some of her toiletries were still in his bathroom, but f*ck it. She would buy new before she went back in there with him.

And even through it all, something in her pleaded for him to come in and make it okay, to be the forgiving sweetheart she knew he was, and that was maybe the most pathetic thing of all. They should be celebrating Max’s capture right now, but instead of fielding his perfectly reasonable questions in a calm manner, she’d opened her big f*cking mouth. He’d just spent all night trying to save her. The very least he deserved from her were some answers.

But how could she give them when she didn’t even know them herself?

Maybe he would come if she only gave him a few minutes to cool off. Then she hated herself for even thinking that. She needed to get the f*ck out of here, out of his life, out of his kids’ lives. He didn’t want someone like her hanging around his daughters—that was understandable, wasn’t it? All the nice things he’d ever said about her, all the times he’d made her think she was worthy, and he’d been wrong all along. He wasn’t willing to take a chance on her. Fair enough.