Virtuous(57)

“Now I’m wondering if you’ll ever kiss me again after what happened.”

“Natalie,” he says on a deep exhale, “you have no idea how badly I want to kiss you and hold you and touch you. But more than anything, I want you to trust me. I want you to tell me what I need to know so I won’t do the wrong thing and make whatever is troubling you worse than it already is.”

His words are like a key in the lock that guards my secrets. He is so genuine and kind. “I want to trust you.”

“You can. I promise you, with everything I have and everything I am, you can trust me to guard and protect you. I’ve known you for a week, and I’d already give you everything, if you’d let me.”

I lay my hand on his face and kiss him. I can tell that I’ve surprised and pleased him by initiating the kiss.

He kisses me back, but there’s no urgency, no flashpoint of desire like there was last night. This kiss is about safety and comfort and taking steps forward together.

I break the kiss and close my eyes, needing some distance from him for what I’m about to say. “You’ve probably already figured out that I was raped. It happened when I was fifteen.” The words, once I decide to release them, tumble forth in a rush. “It was a particularly vicious and brutal assault that left me damaged in every possible way. There’s a lot more to the story than that, but the rest is stuff I don’t talk about. Ever. It’s in the past where it belongs.” I take another minute to collect my emotions before I open my eyes to find tears in his.

“I… I’m so sorry that happened to you, baby.” He takes a deep breath that rattles in his chest, and I can tell he’s fighting hard to maintain his composure, which only makes me fall that much faster and harder for him. “I’ll never ask you to share things that are too painful for you.” With the soft flutter of his fingers over my cheek, he slays me with tenderness. “Thank you for telling me. I can’t begin to fathom how hard that was for you.”

“I wanted you to know… What happened last night, it wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t yours either,” he says fiercely.

I love him so much for saying that. “It took years of therapy for me to acknowledge it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t do anything wrong. This was done to me.”

He gathers me in even closer to him, his arms tight around me, and all I feel is loved and protected when only a week ago I would’ve freaked out if a man had tried to hold me so possessively. There’s no place for fear when I’m in his arms. “We’re going to figure this out together. One day at a time, one step at a time. Whatever you need, whenever you need it. I’m in this so deep, Nat.”

“So am I. A week ago… The thought of something like this would’ve been impossible to imagine. And now… Now everything seems possible.”

“Please don’t leave me. Don’t walk away. Give me a chance. Give yourself a chance. If anyone deserves to be happy and loved, it’s you.”

He’s a dream come true. He’s my dream come true. He’s the dream I never dared to have all sewn up into one irresistibly wonderful package.

“Will you kiss me again?” I ask him. “Please?”

“Only because you asked so nicely.”

We’re both smiling when our lips come together. I can feel his caution, his hesitancy. He’s worried about pushing me too far, about losing control of himself and the situation. I already know him well enough to gauge these things just from the way he kisses me. There’s none of the heat that nearly consumed us last night, and I miss it. In spite of my fears, I want it back but I know it’ll never come from him after what I’ve shared with him.

Summoning the courage to take what I want so badly, I run my tongue over his bottom lip and experience the profound pleasure of feeling his entire body react.

“What’re you doing to me?” he asks on a gasp.

“Kissing you.”

Laughter rumbles through his chest and makes his lips vibrate against mine. “Sure you are, you little vixen.”

I use my tongue again to tease and entice him.

“Natalie.”

“Yes?”

“I’m so afraid I’ll do the wrong thing here. Help me.”

To hear this strong, confident, capable man asking me to help him give me what I need is awe-inspiring. “Just kiss me the way you did last night. You can’t do it wrong. I’m prepared now for what it’ll be like.”