Valorous(102)

The ground is shifting under me, and I can’t find my footing in this situation. A sense of desperation unlike anything I’ve ever experienced overtakes me. I want the last hour to do over again more than I’ve ever wanted anything, ever.

“If you leave, there’s no chance we’ll ever find our way through this.”

“If I stay, there’s no way I’ll ever know that I truly have all of you. I’ve lived half a life for long enough, Flynn.” Her voice catches, but she recovers her composure. “I’ve loved every minute we’ve spent together. You’ve been so extraordinarily generous and tender toward me from the beginning, and you’ll never know how much I appreciate that.”

“I don’t want your goddamn appreciation.”

“And I don’t want your goddamn lies. Come on, Fluff. Let’s go home.”

Fluff launches off the bed and follows Natalie and her suitcase out of the bedroom.

“Natalie, wait. This is insane. You can’t go back to who you were before. The press will be all over you. You won’t be safe.”

“I’ll be fine. After a while, they’ll lose interest in the boring schoolteacher from New York who was briefly married to the movie star.”

Hearing her describe our marriage in the past tense fills me with panic. “You’re just going to give up on us that quickly? Without even giving me a chance?”

“I’ve given you every chance. You’ve had more than enough time to tell me the truth, and you didn’t. And this morning, you lied to my face.”

“How do you know? Who told you?”

“Valerie.”

Hearing that, I want to roar from the rage that surges through me like a tidal wave, sucking me under and making me see red. I’ll f*cking kill her for this. I somehow manage to find the words to ask the one question that has to be asked. “When did you see Valerie?”

“The other night in the ladies’ room at the SAGs. She gave me quite the earful, but I didn’t believe her. The Flynn I know and love bears no resemblance whatsoever to the man she described to me, so I blew it off as meaningless jealousy. Then when she called me last night, after you were asleep, to tell me about your room downstairs and where I could find the key, I had a feeling she wasn’t making it up after all.”

I feel like I’ve been shot straight through the heart. I never got around to getting rid of the stuff in the basement, and now she’s seen it. This can’t be happening.

“After I saw what you have down there, you know what occurred to me?”

“What?” I ask through gritted teeth.

“Yesterday, when we were in Hayden’s room, you were naked and hard as a rock. It turned you on to be in that room with me, didn’t it?”

“Yes,” I hiss. “So what?”

“It’s too bad you couldn’t have just told me that. Now we’ll never know what might’ve been, will we?”

“You can’t leave me over this. I won’t let you!”

“You won’t let me? What’re you going to do?”

I make an effort to soften my tone so I don’t make this worse, if that’s even possible. “You’re overreacting, baby. I kept it from you because I didn’t want to scare you after everything you’ve been through.”

“And I understand that. I even appreciate it. But when I asked you straight out and you lied to me, that’s something else altogether.”

“I realize that now. I shouldn’t have done that. I swear to God, I’ve never lied to you about anything else—and I never will again. Can’t we please talk this through and figure it out together?”

She wants to. I can see that, yet I also know there’s a backbone made of steel in her that’s gotten her through worse than this.

“So many times,” I say, “I told myself I should walk away because you deserve better than me. Remember after our first date when I didn’t call you? It was because Hayden convinced me that a nice girl like you had no business getting tangled up with the likes of me. Then you texted me and asked me to see Aileen. I took one look at you that day and knew I could never walk away from you. I love you so much, Nat. I put your needs ahead of my own. That’s what this comes down to.”

Her eyes are full of unshed tears that break my heart. “I had a right to know about your needs. You should’ve told me, especially before you married me.”