VALOROUS (A Quantum Novel)(25)

“Not like this.” The ice pack slides off my hand and hits the floor.

“Flynn.” She’s on her knees next to me.

I’m afraid to look at her because I always want her more than I want my next breath, but now… Now I want her desperately. I want to right every wrong that’s ever been done to her. I want to make every dream she’s ever had come true. More than anything, I want to make her mine in every possible way.

Her fingers find the hem of her T-shirt, and then she lifts it up and over her head, leaving her bare except for a tiny pair of silk panties.

My mouth goes dry, and every thought that doesn’t involve her exquisite beauty leaves my mind like water running down a drain. She’s a f*cking goddess, and for some reason that I may never fully understand, she loves me. She’s given me the incredible gift of her trust, which fills me with guilt over the things I continue to keep from her. I don’t deserve her. That’s never been in doubt, but I want her anyway.

“Tell me what to do. What do you want?”

She looks at me like I hung the moon, waiting for me to tell her what I want. If I told her what I really want—her complete and total submission—I’d lose her and rightfully so. So I tamp down those needs and reach for her, arranging her on top of me with only the thin silk of her panties between us. She gasps as she comes down on my hard cock.

I grasp her hips, trying to summon the gentleness she needs from the first man she’s allowed to touch her this way. She’s given me the most precious gift of her love and trust, and I want to be worthy of her. “The other times… have I done anything that scared you?”

“No. I could never be scared of you.”

I grit my teeth against the urge to tell her I could terrify her if I wanted to. But I don’t. I don’t want to, and I don’t say it. Those needs and urges have no place in this bed or this relationship. “What I said earlier, about wanting you here…” I squeeze her bottom cheeks in both hands. “Did he do that to you?”

She shakes her head. “He talked about it, threatened me with it, but thankfully it didn’t happen.”

My eyes close as I exhale deeply. “I’m so sorry I said that, Nat. I wasn’t thinking. I got carried away—”

She kisses the words off my lips. “I want everything with you, Flynn. I want you to show me and teach me. Make me yours in every possible way.”

If she knew all the ways I want her, she’d never make such an offer. “You are mine. No matter what happens between us, that will never change. I knew, the first time you looked up at me with those amazing eyes that saw inside me from the very first glance… I knew you were mine.”

“About that…”

“What?”

“My eyes aren’t brown.”

I have no idea what to say to that.

“I wear contacts that change my eye color from green. And my hair is naturally much lighter. I didn’t want anyone to recognize me as April.”

“Do you want to go back to being April now?”

“No. She’s my past. Natalie is my present and future.”

“You don’t have to hide in plain sight anymore. You can be whatever you wish to be, whomever you wish to be.”

“I’m very happy being Natalie with you.”

I reach for her and bring her down for a deep, searing kiss. Our tongues tangle in an erotic dance that quickly has me on the edge of madness. She’s like the finest of wines, the sweetest of chocolate, the most potent drug I’ve ever encountered. I want to turn her over and f*ck her hard and fast until this craving inside me is satisfied.

But I don’t do that. Rather, I force myself to remain still, to stroke her silky skin with reverence rather than greed, to kiss her with love rather than domination on my mind. I cup her breasts and tease her nipples. When her eyes close and her head falls back, I take advantage of the opportunity to sit up and suck a rosy red tip into my mouth.

She screams from the pleasure and pulls my hair so hard I may have a bald spot. It would be well worth the sacrifice of a little hair to know I pleased her.

“Let me hear you, sweetheart. Scream your head off. No one will hear you but me.” I run the tip of my tongue around the edge of her nipple before drawing it into my mouth again, sucking hard as I bring my teeth down on it, taking her to the edge of pain but not going too far.

Her hips move rhythmically over my rock-hard cock. I reach between us to test her readiness and discover her panties are soaking wet. “Fuck,” I mutter, desperate to be surrounded by all that tight wet heat. I want to tear the fabric from her body, pin her arms over her head and take her. I want to possess her. But I can’t do that.

“Nat.” I slip my fingers under the elastic and into the flood of dampness between her legs.

“Mmm.”

I move quickly to get rid of her panties and find a condom before I settle her back on top of me. “Is this okay?”

She bites her lip and nods.

If I’d had my way, I wouldn’t have touched her today, not until I’d gotten myself together. But if I’d rejected her advance, I would’ve done more harm than good. “You’re the boss, sweetheart.” It goes against everything I believe in, everything I am as a dominant, to put my hands under my head, to yield the power to her, to remain passive while she takes charge, but I do it for her.