Unveiled (Torn #6)(11)

Watching her now, the easily read desolation and distrust in her eyes ate at my conscience. What had I ever done to deserve being so unworthy in her eyes? All I had ever done was love her, even if she pushed me away, even if she spouted lies that she didn’t want me at all. Even then, I had still pursued her because I was a hopeless man, uncaring that I was being gutted alive. What mattered was that I wanted her, in all ways I could get her.

Her deep sense of loathing towards me hadn’t mattered, because I had thought my love was profound enough to secure us a happy future. I had fought long and hard just to have her, and now that I did, I was faced with the horror of not being sure how long it would last.

It was mystifying to admit that I didn’t fully have her to come home to after a hard day’s work. The loneliness that greeted me every day when I got home had been difficult to face because all I ever wanted was to see her.

My weekly campaign of enticing her to live with me in Athens had been consistently crushed by her never-ending excuses. As much as I hated suffering not having her in my daily life, I’d rather endure that than not have her at all. Life was better, even if I saw her a mere day or two once a month or whenever our schedules allowed us the opportunity.

However, the knowledge that she didn’t trust me enough to reject Claudine or any woman’s sexual advances truly offended me and belittled everything I believed she and I had together.

“You don’t,” I whispered, feeling as if she had just thrown everything we had down the drain. Everything she and I had been through had culminated into this very moment, and I was bloody alarmed where the conversation was treading.

“What am I supposed to do?” She looked miserable, fighting the tears at bay, embracing herself as if she needed extra comfort and protection.

“Well, for one, you could start with giving me a little trust. I have never cheated on you, and I don’t want to start now. It’s either you trust me or you don’t, and you not responding simply answers everything I wanted to know.” I was almost barking at her, infuriated that she would question my loyalty. It hadn’t been me who walked out on her. It had been her all along. Every time we’d parted, it had been her who had pushed me away. Therefore, this … this was f*uking unfounded.

The seconds ticked away as I attempted to hang on to my last thread of sanity with all my might, yet she still remained mum, as though she had already made up her mind. Why did she keep doing this to herself? To me? To us? Had we not suffered enough?

“If you think I’m a sick bastard who likes to f*uk around, then we might as well end this. We’ve been through a merry-go-round of hell, and I’m not going to spin for a second round of that bullshit.”

She immediately looked alarmed and frantic, as if she hadn’t expected what I had just told her. “You can’t do that. We love each other! You just can’t leave and throw everything away!” she threw accusingly at me while almost charging towards me when I pulled my phone from my pocket, snatching it from my grip at a speedy rate and holding it hostage.

Angrily glancing at my phone, she hid it behind her before giving me a warning look, but I wasn’t having it. This conversation wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe she and I needed some breathing room; we could talk before I left for Athens. As of right then, however, I would rather be back in my hotel room before we said any more damaging things to each other.

“Give that back so I can leave. I’ll speak to you tonight, when we’re both not so heated and exhausted.” I tried to reason with her, but she was a woman who didn’t seek reason. Lindsey wasn’t a reasonable woman, and I despised that side of her.

“If you leave now, everything you just told me about how much you want to be with me doesn’t count for anything. If you leave, we’re never going to fix this. Claudine won’t stop until she has you again; can’t you see that? She’s going to secure herself back into your life. Whether as a friend, business partner, or in any way she can place herself there, she won’t stop until she has ruined us.”

“The only thing that’s hindering us right this instant is your warped thinking. If I had wanted to have Claudine as my mistress while I called you every day to tell you that I love you, I would’ve done so already. I know Claudine, and she wouldn’t protest if I took liberties with her body. In fact, she always persists that I do, but I don’t! And I don’t ever want to, because I don’t want to f*uk any other cunt that’s out there. Is that so wrong of me, Lindsey? That it’s you I dream of f*uking until I’m weak in the knees?” She was pushing me to the edge of madness, and I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Your love … You talk about your love!” I spat with vengeance. “Well, your love isn’t unconditional. It has limitations. What happens with another month of us fighting this way? What are you going to do when you’re feeling vindictive again?” I gave a harsh laugh, knowing how scornful she could become. “Yes, that fanciful, bitchy side of yours that drove me almost to kill myself; what will you do next, Lindsey? Are you going to punish me and pull another Brody on me?”

“Am I that pathetic in your eyes, Dimi?” Her tears flowed, wounded from my hateful words.

Although her tears had once been my weakness, she had pushed me to my limits. She needed to know—understand—that her goading and baiting for such a vile discussion didn’t come without a price.