Until You (The Redemption, #1)(84)

I can’t let them register.

Loving me could be a death sentence.

When I don’t say a word, Crew steps forward and kisses me with the fire of a thousand suns. Almost as if every thought, emotion, and feeling we’ve left unsaid is poured into it. As if he’s trying to sear his taste into my brain so that I won’t have a choice but to think of him.

“Think about that while you’re packing your bags and scurrying away because you’re too much of a coward to love me back.”

“I just need time,” I lie. Time won’t erase Kaleo’s reach. And if I leave for a while, then by the time I get back, they’ll be gone.

In Chicago.

Away from me.

Safe.

“Don’t leave. I know you care about us. And I know it will break both of our hearts if you run. I love you, Ten. The girls love you. We love you.” He steps forward and presses a kiss to my forehead before settling his head on my neck. “I love you. That’s my spiel. That’s what I have to offer. Me. Us. Something special we never expected nor wanted to happen but did. Something I never thought I wanted again until you.” He takes a step back, every emotion I’ve craved for so long reflected back at me in the depths of his eyes. “I can’t force you to stay. You’ve had enough parameters and people telling you what to do for so fucking long that this decision needs to be one hundred percent yours. You have to want to. You have to want this.”

He takes a few steps back, and I worry that this right here will be my lasting image of him. Handsome but worried. Perfect but damaged. Mine but unattainable.

I start to speak but the emotion rioting through me is overwhelming. How do I explain to him that this is for him? For his girls? That me walking away is my ultimate demonstration of love for them? Instead, I don’t say a word. I let the lone tear that slides down my cheek and the subtlest shake of my head do all the talking for me.

He closes his eyes for a beat when he sees my answer. “It’s your decision,” he says one final time. His face is pained, and his eyes are swimming with regret . . . and love. “I’ll let you have time so you can make it.” He steps through the door and looks at me one last time. “Trust fall.”

Those words.

Their meaning.

Trust that I’ll catch you when and if you need to fall.

I bite back the sob that threatens when he shuts the door.

I fight the urge to chase after him when his truck’s engine rumbles to life.

And then I sink onto the bed as the loneliness hits and the deafening silence begins to eat at me whole.

Within minutes, I trace his tire tracks with my own as I make my way down the driveway, tears streaming down my face.

Trust fall.

It’s me who’s catching him now.

It’s me who’s saving him.





CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT


Crew


Two Weeks Later



My shoulders burn like a motherfucker as I hang drywall in the outbuilding. It’s hard but fulfilling work.

Everything is these days as I try to keep busy. As I try to exhaust my body physically, so I don’t have the chance to think before I collapse into bed each night.

“Looking good, Dad,” Paige says as she stands in the doorway, hands on her hips, and nods her head in approval.

“It’s getting there.” But I drop my screw gun and step back to look at the small space that I’m slowly transforming. When I look back to Paige, I catch her glancing down the driveway toward the cottage. “What’s on your mind, kid?”

“How can you be so sure she’s coming back?” she asks me softly.

“Because I am.” I step outside with her and risk a glance there myself. It’s been a tough few weeks with the girls asking why Tenny had to take off for a bit. It’s been even tougher realizing just how much I miss her.

But the changes here are keeping us busy. We’re figuring out new routines. We’re getting ready for the start of the school year.

Deep down, I know she’ll be back. After she left, I read all I could about the breaking story about Kaleo’s second-in-command. His and his family’s brutal murder . . . and Tenny’s reaction made even more sense to me.

I don’t have to like it, but it made sense to me.

I just wish she’d talked to me first. That she’d pick up the phone when I make my daily call and talk to me. I’d have explained a dozen different ways why what happened to him is not the same as her situation. That for all intents and purposes the old her doesn’t exist so why would she be tracked down? Why would she be hunted?

But she won’t pick up.

I can’t talk to her.

It’s a frustrating fucking radio silence.

And yet, like I just told Paigey, I know she’s coming back.

It doesn’t hurt that she direct deposited three months of rent into Ian’s—soon-to-be my—rental account.

That might have helped solidify my opinion.

And it also pushed me to get the shit done that I needed to get done so it’s ready when she comes back home to me.





CHAPTER FORTY-NINE


Tennyson


Three Weeks Later



I’m homesick.

For my own bed. For my own things. For all I’ve learned to call home over the past couple years.