Until You (The Redemption, #1)(83)
What the fuck is going on here?
How does she know that I know already?
But she’s so frenzied that she doesn’t even notice I’m there until she goes to grab her computer and sees me in her periphery.
“Crew!” She jumps back almost as if she’s afraid of me, guilt-laced surprise swimming in her eyes.
“Where’re you going in such a hurry?” I lean my shoulder against the doorjamb and tilt my head to the side.
“Um . . . back to the cottage. I think it’s time. I mean—”
“Don’t bullshit me, Tenny. Least of all don’t do that. This”—I point to the trash bags—“isn’t someone going back to the cottage, especially not how you were just doing it.”
“You’re right. It’s not.” She shakes her head, and I can see how hard it is for her to swallow over her lies. “I’m leaving. I got an opportunity in Atlanta. With a publishing house.”
I chew on my cheek. “No, you don’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just what I said. No, you don’t.” I take a step toward her. “You can stop running now, Ten. It must be exhausting.”
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Tennyson
“What must be exhausting?” I ask, voice shaky, pulse pounding.
“This. You. Always hiding.”
I almost don’t hear him because all I see are three stretchers leaving Rangi’s house. All I can think of is the three people here who I don’t want that to be.
I have to get out of here.
I have to leave before I bring that to them.
And to think an hour ago I was on cloud nine and now this . . .
“I’m not hiding,” I say and offer a strained smile I know he doesn’t believe. “I told you before, and I’ll tell you again, I can’t give you what you need, Crew.”
I begin to shove more of my stuff in the black trash bag. Each item I add is like a dagger to my heart. But I keep my head down, afraid he’ll see right through me.
And then his feet come into view, and I’m forced to look at him when his fingers push my chin up. “You don’t get to use that excuse anymore.”
“What excuse?” I barely whisper.
“The one about how you won’t let yourself get attached to anyone because you can’t let them fall in love with you.”
“It’s true.”
“It’s only true if you tell the whole truth. And you’re not. You’re not saying the second part. The part about how you fear loving somebody means you’re also putting them in danger.”
What is he talking about? My heart that was already racing heads into double time. “Crew? What—”
“Don’t. I know, Tenny. I know.”
My racing heart suddenly comes to a dead stop. It feels like all the blood in my body pools at my feet as my head spins and my eyes blink—as if any of those things will help me process what I think he’s saying.
“You know what?”
“Tessa.”
It’s one word, but it’s all I need to hear. “You can’t know.” The words are barely audible.
He digs my photo from his back pocket and hands it to me. “This fell out when I was moving the cabinet for the flooring company. I know who that is.” He points to Kaleo. “And I know this person died in a horrific crash that authorities think her husband was behind.”
I shake my head back and forth. Over and over.
My breath is short.
My body feels hot.
“I know the what and the why and the how and the danger that comes with it all. The danger that you lived through. But you know what, Tenny? I still choose you. Even with all your secrets bared on the table, I choose you.”
“You can’t, though. What if—”
“If I haven’t earned your trust by now, I never will. But I know I have. And just as important, I know I can protect you if need be.”
Three stretchers. Torture. That smirk Kaleo gave me in court.
“I won’t put you and the girls in that position. I refuse to. You don’t deserve that burden—”
“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do, Tennyson. Stop giving yourself excuses to run away instead of living. Stop living in what-ifs when frankly, he has many more pressing things to worry about—living day-to-day in a cell with enemies at every corner while he thinks you’re dead and gone. Stop giving him power over you.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I do fucking understand. And I’m sick of you using it and him as the justification to why you can’t love me when the real reason is you’re fucking scared to. Well, guess what? I am too. I’m fucking terrified. The last person I loved blindsided me when she left. Devastated my girls and took their happiness, their definition of family, and their sense of self with her on the way out the door. But you know what? You’re worth swallowing every ounce of that goddamn fear I feel when I look at you. When I think about you. When I touch you. You are worth it. So let me make the decision on whether I want to be with you or not. I’ve had enough people making decisions in my life, and this time, I’m making my own.”
His words hit my ears but don’t register.