Until You (The Redemption, #1)(59)
But tonight he’s reserved, pensive, preferring to be on the sidelines rather than in the middle of everything as per usual.
Does it have anything to do with his appointment today? The girls made a few comments in passing that allowed me to deduce it might have something to do with the department and getting cleared to go back to work.
And by his disengagement, I’m assuming he didn’t get the answers he wanted.
Worried about him and wanting to help but uncertain how, I slide glances his way as the girls chatter on about all the new friends they’ve made here in Redemption Falls. From Pheebs (aka Phoebe) who has three big dogs and two horses and swears they can come over whenever they want, to Gretchen who is the cool one with five thousand followers on her influencer account. Then there is Fernie, whose mom is the school principal, so she has the inside scoop on every kid in town, followed by Dani, short for Danielle, whose parents own the movie theater and who says they can get in to watch a movie anytime they want so long as they text her first.
“Wow. It seems like you guys have made a ton of friends here,” I say.
“So many,” Paige says, drawing the words out. “It’s like everyone wants to be our friend because we’re twins, and they’ve never met twins before.”
“I’m sure it has more to do with your sparkling personalities, good manners, and sense of humor,” I say, surprised Crew hasn’t jumped in to humble them as he normally would.
“That too.” Addy giggles.
“I’m glad you’re liking it here,” I say.
“Loving it. I mean, they have a dance team at their school here. Can you believe that? We don’t even have that in Chicago,” Addy says, eyes wide and grin crooked.
“That’s pretty awesome,” I say.
“Were you ever on a dance team?” she asks.
“Most dance teams don’t have ballerinas on them.” I chuckle. “I wanted to be, though. I may have begged and pleaded and tried to negotiate to get the chance, but my mom was adamant that school came first, ballet came second—sometimes even the other way around—and everything else came third.”
“Really? Dance came first?”
“Sometimes.”
“Wow.” Addy’s eyes grow wide as she studies me, trying to figure out if I’m telling the truth or not.
“What is your mom like?” Paige asks, brow furrowed and curiosity owning her eyes.
Drunk. Pushy. Obnoxious. More obsessed with the bottle than she was me, and that’s saying something considering she constantly wanted to live vicariously through me.
“My mom was complicated,” I say. The pang hits, but it’s a familiar one. One every child would feel having a parent not want them. One I’m sure the girls might feel every now and again. It never goes away though, and for these two, I hope with everything I have that all will be righted for them and their mom will see the error of her ways. “To be fair, we were like oil and water.”
“What does that mean?”
What does it mean?
Nonstop fighting. Blame laid at my feet for my father drinking himself to death—simply because as a child, I needed to be provided for. Never being good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, when she was the one who was truly ugly inside.
I think her resentment hurt the most. When my studio gave me a part-time job to pay for the dance lessons she required I take, she was angry I wasn’t bringing the money home to her instead.
It feels like forever ago and yesterday all at the same time. Especially when I look from Paige to Addy and see what a great job Crew is doing raising them.
My smile is soft. “Let’s just say that we never really got along.”
“Really? You’re easy to get along with,” Paige says, only serving to put more of my heart firmly in their hands.
“Does she come and visit you?” Addy asks and saves me from having to respond to her sister.
“No.” She doesn’t even know where I am, let alone that I’m still alive. The minute I left that town, I never looked back, and I don’t believe she ever looked for me. But that was the case when I was with Kaleo too. It’s not like my current situation plays into it or would matter to her anyways. “We’ve lost touch to be honest. She struggles with . . . things, and so it’s better off that she focuses on herself more than anything.”
Both girls nod softly and share a glance. I chastise myself for not thinking through my response more. Did my words make them think of their mom? Did it make them miss her and think she’s better off focusing on herself than them?
I’m struggling with how to amend my response when Addy gracefully changes the subject for me.
“Dad is always saying we need to do things because we love them, not because we think he does or that it will make him happy.” She twists her lips and looks down at where she’s picking off her nail polish before looking back up and meeting my eyes. “Is she why you stopped dancing? Did you hate it because she made you do it?”
My smile is quick to cover the sudden bout of sadness her question brings. “No. I still loved it despite her.”
Dancing was my escape. From a home life I’d rather not be at to my identity after marrying a man as dominating as Kaleo. When I glance over to Crew, his head is angled to the side as he watches me. I swear he can read my thoughts. That he can sense I’m censoring the truth for the girls. He nods for me to continue, and once again, he makes me feel heard without even saying a word.